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Lecture 11

Lecture 11. Nonverbal Communication: Silence & Listening. Overview of Silence. All people “ experience ” silence Attitudes toward silence can be dramatically different Ex: many cultures expect more silence from women and children than from adult men

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Lecture 11

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  1. Lecture 11 Nonverbal Communication: Silence & Listening

  2. Overview of Silence • All people “experience” silence • Attitudes toward silence can be dramatically different • Ex: many cultures expect more silence from women and children than from adult men • It can have a positive or negative impact on communication process • It can provide a peace or create tension and uneasiness

  3. Causing Silence • People cause others to be silent… • to gain attention • to maintain control • to protect • to teach • to attempt to eliminate distractions • to show respect for authority or tradition • to point to something greater than ourselves • Silence can be used as the language of superiority and inferiority in relationships like teacher/student, male/female, expert/client

  4. Causing Silence (con’t) • Silencing someone can have both positive & negative effects • Sometimes silence is demanded by others & by those who must themselves be quiet • Often a sign of respect for the wisdom of others • The elderly person in families of many Eastern culture groups expect silence from the children & lower family members as a sign of respect

  5. Zones of Silence • Places where outside noise is controlled – created as a way to make people silent • library • museum • concert hall • funeral home • court room

  6. Silence in Europe & N. America • Even small amounts of silence are filled with action and doing • Silence in exchanges is seen as dark, negative and “full of nothing” = not good

  7. Silence in East Asia • Favor long silences • Silence is created more frequently compared to Western cultures • Often interrupt actions with long and deep silence • Lao Tsu, said “To talk little is natural”

  8. Silence in East Asia (con’t) • Women view silent roles as very powerful • Some women think silent roles are natural & cannot imagine speaking out unless something very bad is done to them • Shows the power of control • Often not recognized or understood by those who value speech-as-power and by those who value assertiveness by all, equally and democratically

  9. Effective Reception • The key is effective listening • Listening is a skill that can be learned to enhance clarity in message exchange • 50% more time listening than talking • Better listening skills develop better speaking skills because of awareness

  10. Ineffective Listening • Without listening to details and context, important information can be missed • Conflicts then arise • Missed information limits solutions & results in lost business time and money • Personal relationships will deteriorate

  11. Active Listening Guidelines • Stop talking • Have a reason for listening • Create a supportive climate • Make eye contact • Number one priority - shows you are paying attention • Use head & body language such as nodding • Try not to translate what is being said into what you want to hear: self-fulfilling prophecy

  12. Active Listening Guidelines (con’t) • Aim your body orientation, move responsively • Pay attention to and actively search for meaning in nonverbal cues • Seek information and ask questions • Suspend judgment • Use attentive silence and play to it • Rate of thought 400-500 wpm • Rate of speech 100-150 wpm • Resist distractions • Respond to content & feelings

  13. Active Listening Guidelines (con’t) • Focus on themes • Paraphrase to assure clarity • Give responsive sounds or paralanguage feedback • Sounds or murmurs to allow the speaker to know you are following his train of thought • right, OK, uh-huh, yeah • Give effective feedback • Be specific, descriptive, timely, relevant • Pay attention to possible gender differences

  14. Asking Questions • Don’t use Closed Questions • Is, Do, Has, Can, Will, Why • These are questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer • Use Open Questions • Where, When, How, What, Who, Which?

  15. Effective Listening • Real communication occurs when we listen while understanding the other person’s point of view. • Test yourself with a series of questions such as “what did I learn from the other person?” or “who did more talking and listening?” • Evaluate your answers and decide how to improve your communication next time.

  16. Effective Listening (con’t) • Effective listening is not for everyone. • To deal with the non-effective listener, clarify what you want to say prior to speaking. • If your ideas are clear, the listener is more likely to be receptive. • Before meeting, give the to-be-listener an idea of what you want to discuss.

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