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Communications and Personality Styles. How to get the best from interaction with management, clients, team members and colleagues Patricia Tamowski , NLP Coaching and Training Solutions. Project Success. How important is communications? Scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being the most important?

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Communications and Personality Styles

How to get the best from interaction with management, clients, team members and colleagues

Patricia Tamowski, NLP Coaching and Training Solutions

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Project Success

  • How important is communications?

  • Scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being the most important?

  • Communications will make or break your project.

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Let’s begin with a story…

Once upon a time…

  • Company X CEO

  • Company A CEO  Company B CEO

    • Tracking Sofware

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The story continues…

  • Company X CEO

     CIO

     Director

     Manager/Project Manager

     Technical Team


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Communications is KEY to success in any project

  • PMBOK: Communications is involved with each of the major processes in some way and more than is stated.

    • Initiation

    • Planning

    • Executing

    • Monitoring/Controlling

    • Closing

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Communications is KEY to success in any project

  • Communications throughout the project with:

    • Upper management

    • Project team

    • Immediate supervisor

    • Clients

    • Other teams

    • In meetings, pre-meetings, etc.

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WHAT vs HOW to communicate

  • Different people have different styles of

    • Communication

      • Visual

      • Fast/Slow

    • Decision-making

      • Logic

    • Personality/Work

      • Detail-oriented vs big picture

      • Planner vs spontaneous

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How to improve your communications abilities:

  • Basic Principles

  • Sensory Acuity

  • Rapport

  • Communications Styles – visual, auditory, kinesthetic, auditory-digital

  • Decision Styles

  • Personality/Working Styles

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Basic Principles

  • Think about (from NLP)

    • The person with the most flexibility of behavior will control the system

    • The meaning of communication is the response you get

    • Respect the other person’s model of the world

    • Resistance is a sign of lack of rapport

      • No resistant co-workers, only inflexible communicators

    • Everyone is doing the best the can with the resources they have

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Sensory Acuity Observing other people

  • Physiology

    • Body Posture

    • Gestures

    • Facial Expressions

      • Muscle twitches Changes in skin color

    • Breathing

      • Rate – fast or slow Location – low or high

    • Eyes

      • Focused or unfocused Pupils dilated or undilated

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  • Communication is:

    • 7% words

    • 38% tonality

    • 55% physiology

  • Rapport is the unconscious “connection” you establish with another person

    • Being “on the same wavelength”

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  • Would you like more “clicks”?

  • Rapport is established by:

    • 1) Physiology matching and mirroring

      • Posture

      • Gestures

      • Facial expressions

      • Breathing

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Rapport exercise

  • Exercise in total silence

    • Get into pairs

    • 30 second exercise in total silence

      • One person change body posture, gestures, facial expressions, breathing

      • The second person match what they do unobtrusively

    • When finished, seems contrived but try it in real life

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  • Rapport is established by:

    • 2) Matching voice

      • Tone, pitch

      • Speed

      • Volume

      • Quality

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Rapport exercise

  • Tone/pitch of your voice is very important

    • Question: Voice pitch goes up at the end

    • Statement: Voice pitch stays the same at the end

    • Command: Voice pitch goes down at the end.

  • 30 Seconds with your partner

    • Say the following sentence 3 times, once with pitch going up at the end, once with the same pitch and once with the pitch going down at the end.

    • “It’s a good idea, isn’t it”

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Rapport exercise

  • Feedback

    • How may noticed a difference?

    • Be aware of HOW you are communicating

    • The WHAT is the same in each—you used exactly the same words.

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  • Rapport is established by

    • 3) Matching or similar words

      • Predicates

      • Key words

      • Comments and expressions

      • Content chunks

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Communications Styles

  • Primary Representational Systems

    • Visual

    • Auditory

    • Kinesthetic

    • Auditory-Digital (voice in your head)

  • Feedback from tests, V, A, K, Ad

  • One is usually dominant for most people

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Comm Styles – Rep Systems

  • VISUAL communicators use words like:

    • See

    • Look

    • Appear

    • Show

    • Reveal

    • Imagine

    • Envision

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Comm Styles – Rep Systems

  • AUDITORY communicators use words like:

    • Hear

    • Listen

    • Sounds

    • Resonate

    • Tune in/Tune out

    • Be heard

    • Rings a bell

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Comm Styles – Rep Systems

  • KINESTHETIC communicators use words like:

    • Feel

    • Touch

    • Grasp

    • Get a hold of

    • Get a handle on

    • Catch on

    • Slip through

    • Solid

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  • Auditory-digital communicators use words like:

    • Sense

    • Experience

    • Understand

    • Think

    • Learn

    • Propose

    • Decide

    • Consider

    • Conceive

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Discover Primary Rep Systems

  • How do you know if someone is primarily V, A, K or Ad?

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Discover Communication Styles

  • Primarily VISUAL person:

    • Will use visual words and phrases

    • Well-groomed

    • Orderly desk

    • Often good posture

    • Often eyes up

  • Like lots of pictures, minds wander with too many words

  •  They will be interested in how your proposal LOOKS.

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Discover Communication Styles

  • Primarily AUDITORY person

    • Will use auditory words and phrases

    • Easily distracted by noise

    • Often eyes moving sideways

    • Often talk to themselves to memorize

    • Will repeat things

    • Like listening to music

  • Tend to learn sequentially

  •  They will be very sensitive to tone of voice, words, what you SAY about your idea or proposal.

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Discover Communication Styles

  • Primarily KINESTHETIC person

    • Will use kinesthetic words

    • Tend to talk slowly

    • Move slowly

    • Breathe from the bottom of their lungs

    • Stand closer to people

    • Respond to touching

  • Learn by doing or walking through something

  •  They will be interested if you idea FEELS right.

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Discover Communication Styles

  • Primarily Auditory-digital person

    • Will use words like understand, consider, think

    • Talk to themselves inside their head a lot

    • Well-organized

    • Will often want details

    • Use logic and reasoning to make decisions

  •  They will want to know if your idea or proposal makes SENSE.

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Using Communication Styles

  • When communicating to an individual

    • If you aren’t speaking the same language it’s more difficult to get your point across

    • The person with the most flexibility controls the system

    • Be flexible, speak to them in THEIR language

    • Practice other representational systems

  • When communicating to a group

    • Incorporate all rep systems to include all types of learners

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More Communication Phrases

  • VISUAL phrases

    • Catch a glimpse of

    • Clear cut

    • In view of, in light of

    • Appears to me

    • Mental picture

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More Communication Phrases

  • AUDITORY phrases

    • Clear as a bell

    • Loud and clear

    • Manner of speaking

    • Give me your ear

    • Call on

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More Communication Phrases

  • KINESTHETIC phrases

    • Come to grips with

    • Control yourself

    • Firm foundations

    • Get a handle on

    • Get in touch with

    • Hang in there

    • Pull some strings

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Decision Styles

  • Notice how your manager or director or VP makes decisions. If someone new, ask them how they bought their watch or shoes or shirt

    • V

    • V - K

    • V – Ad

    • Ad – K

    • Ad

    • V – K – Ad

  • Match the decision style when presenting an idea.

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Decision Styles - Exercise


    • Imagine someone who make decisions via V – K.

    • You want a bigger budget for a new software system

  • Exercise

  • Feedback

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SALES (Sidebar)

  • Sales has a bad name. We are all selling when:

    • We want more time to get our project complete

    • We want to hire an additional person

    • We want to get an enhancement to our project approved to improve quality

    • We want to give Sally a raise or promotion and need the director’s approval

    • We go on a job interview

  • Every time we communicate we are selling

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Personality Styles – Brief overview

  • Myers-Briggs Personality Styles - seen this before


    • Focus on outside things / inner ideas and impressions


    • Focus on present and concrete info / on intuition, patterns, and the future


    • Decisions based on logic / on values and subjective people-oriented concerns


    • Planned-organized / flexible - spontaneous

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Commun to Personality/Work Style

  • Same concept as V-A-K-Ad. Match your communications to the other person’s personality or work style

    • When proposing something speak his language

      • If person is a feeler, emphasize how the change will make people feel

      • If a manager is big-picture, don’t give him detail

    • Assign the right task to the right person

      • Don’t give the big-picture guy task to proof the detailed specs

      • Give the extrovert opportunities to work on a team

      • If a person on your team needs logic, give it to them

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Commun to Personality/Work Style

  • Make sure you have at least one detail-oriented person on a team

  • Often a team composed of different personality/work styles will come up with a better solution than if they all had the same style

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Successful Projects

  • Sometimes a project can be on-time and on-budget but not be successful.

    • If people were unhappy, and not working as a team, it could have negative ramifications for department outweighing the benefits of on-time on-budget

    • If client and managers were worried during project because you didn’t communicate regularly, not a success

  • It is worth taking extra time to communicate

    • Perception is everything. Regular communications in the right WAY even on a late project can make it sound good

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Successful Projects - more

  • HOW you communicate as well as WHAT is important

    • People like to be heard and understood.

    • Listening and weighing input may take extra time but will often yield better results than authoritative approach even with the exact same design. In the end save time and better quality.

    • How you communicate. Study on doctors who get sued

    • People who are laid off are not always the least productive – Sandbox

    • It is the other person’s style that counts. You are communicating with them.

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Revisit Basic Principles

  • The person with the most flexibility will control the system

  • The meaning of communication is the response you get

  • Respect the other person’s model of the world

  • Resistance is a sign of lack of rapport

    • Only inflexible communicators

  • Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have

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Conclusion - 1

  • Be aware – use SENSORY ACUITY to determine communications, decision, and pers/work styles

  • Create RAPPORT – look at the way others perceive the world and speak their language

  • Be flexible in your COMMUNICATIONS STYLE

  • Be aware of your own and others DECISION STYLE. Choose theirs when selling

  • Be aware of your own and others PERSONALITY and WORK STYLE, assign tasks accordingly

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Conclusion - 2

  • The more aware and flexible you are the better your results will be

  • The meaning of COMMUNICATION is the RESPONSE you get.

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…the end of the story

  • What happened to Company X’s tracking software installation?

  • Contact info

    Patricia Tamowski

    NLP Coaching, Training and Hypnosis Solutions


    914-816-4022 (coaching, training, hypnosis)

    914-582-3194 (projects )

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