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Parenting Teenagers Challenges facing youths today Understanding youth trends Understanding our teenagers Youths at risk How to love our teenagers SHERMEEN TAN 18 years working experience worked with families, youths and families Corporate trainer

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Parenting Teenagers

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Parenting Teenagers

  • Challenges facing youths today

  • Understanding youth trends

  • Understanding our teenagers

  • Youths at risk

  • How to love our teenagers


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SHERMEEN TAN

  • 18 years working experience

  • worked with families, youths and families

  • Corporate trainer

  • BA, MBA and Diploma in Montessori method of education

  • EQ coach and Behavioural Consultant


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Introduction

  • 15 – 29 years

  • 13-18 years old

  • At what age do we really have to take note?

  • Parenting teenagers perplexing?


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Challenges facing our teenagers

  • Complex world

  • Different from those of their parents

  • Changing landscape


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Challenges facing our teenagers

  • Family :

  • Increasing female participation – more mothers working

  • Increasing smaller extended family

  • Both parents working

  • Increasing divorce rates

  • Decreasing family size


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Challenges facing our teenagers

  • Education :

  • Increasing educational level

  • Students spend more time at school

  • Large emphasis on education

  • Immense pressures and stress


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Challenges facing our teenagers

  • Work :

  • Knowledge-based economy

  • Increase foreign talents

  • Overseas work

  • Retrenchment and uncertainty

  • Part-time work


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Challenges facing our teenagers

  • Leisure :

  • Increasing affluence

  • Influence of internet and media

  • Peer relationships are formed


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Youth Trends

  • National Youth Council – survey

  • Findings :

  • Strong relationships between youths and parents

  • Easier to communicate with mothers than fathers

  • Generation gap


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Youth Trends

  • Do not talk to parents about BGR

  • Parenting styles – high support-high challenge leads to competency and well-being

  • Friends as emotional support


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Understanding our teenagers

  • Great changes

  • 2 major issues :

  • Self-definition – Who am I

  • Independence


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Understanding our teenagers

  • Erikson – Identity crisis

  • Bandura – Storm and stress

  • Tension, dependency, conflicts, peer groups, fads and relationships


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Understanding our teenagers

  • Great changes :

  • Physical and Mental

  • Teenage clumsiness

  • Sexual characteristics are developing

  • Intellectual growth spurt


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Understanding our teenagers

  • Great changes :

  • Age of reason

  • Think logically

  • Thinking about sexuality and marriage

  • Questioning about the future


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Understanding our teenagers

  • Implication:

  • Scenarios are different but means of expression is the same :

  • Music, dance, fashion, fad and relationships


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Understanding our teenagers

  • 3 key questions :

  • Change of our roles - control and nag

  • Our new roles - friend, confidante, coach and facilitator

  • set clear boundaries wrt time, money, friends and behaviour


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Understanding our teenagers

  • 3 key questions :

  • Academic change - outsource

  • distance in relationships

  • different religious inclination - independent thinking


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Youths at risk

  • 3 indicators :

  • how teenager is using his time

  • how he is using his money

  • unpredictable behaviour


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Youths at risk

  • Dysfunctional families/ families under stress

  • Parents marital relationships

  • Wrong/unhealthy peer groups


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Youths at risk

  • Smoking

  • Substance abuse

  • Juvenile delinqency

  • Suicide rates ( 2 per month )

  • Protection orders

  • Sexuality


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Youths at risk

  • 16% of youth population

  • majority are mainstream teenagers


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How to love our teenagers

  • Desire to feel connected, accepted and nurtured by parents

  • Love, listen, communication, empathy and bonding


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1st Language of love

  • Words of affirmation

  • Praise – sincere and specific

  • Praise both efforts and results

  • Words of affection

  • “ I love you “


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2nd Language of love

  • Physical touch

  • Hugs, kisses, strokes, massage, arm wrestling

  • Slaps, pushes, shaking, hitting, shoves, choking – abusive

  • Do it privately

  • Do not touch when teenager is angry


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3rd Language of love

  • Quality time/activities

  • Togetherness

  • Guidelines :

  • Maintain eye contact

  • Listen and give full attention

  • Listen for feelings

  • Observe body language


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3rd Language of love

  • Refuse to interrupt

  • Ask questions – 5Ws and 1 H

  • Express understanding

  • Use I statements

  • Different levels of Communication


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4th Language of love

  • Acts of Service

  • Service – true expressions of emotional love


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5th Language of love

  • Gifts

  • Visible, tangible evidence of love

  • Underserved gift


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Discovering your teenager’s love Language

  • Ask questions

  • Observe

  • Experiment


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Conclusion

  • Every year, ask :

  • What/how is my teenager feeling?

  • What/how is my teenager thinking?

  • How is my teenager behaving?


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Conclusion

  • Communication – listen, empathy, bonding

  • Give them space but with boundaries

  • EQ for parents

  • Multiple intelligence


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Conclusion

  • Character development/right values

  • CCA

  • community service/church activities


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