Positive Discipline and Guidance

1. Positive Discipline and Guidance

2. Which word is negative? • Love • Warmth • Discipline • Laughter • NONE! • All are good! • Society uses discipline wrong which makes us think it is negative.

3. PUNISHMENT • A penalty inflicted for wrong doing, a crime or offense. • Physical or verbal attacks, negatively withholding privileges, removal, hit, spank, hurting, prison. • Demeans the child and negatively affects the relationship. May restrain a child temporarily, but it does not teach self-discipline. Might teach obedience to authority (out of fear), but not self-control which enhances self-respect.

4. DISCIPLINE • The method for redirecting behavior when needed through example, words, actions, and each individual incident. • To teach and to train. • To train by instruction and exercise. • Training a behavior in accordance with rules and conduct. • A long term process that gradually leads to a child becoming responsible for their own behavior through teaching and training.

5. DISCIPLINE SHOULD BE: • Firm: Clearly stated rules and consequences that are adhered to continually - when the inappropriate behavior occurs. • Fair: Appropriate punishment that fits the crime. Consequences are stated in advance, not a surprise. • Also in the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect. Harsh punishment is not necessary. Using a simple Time Out can be effective when it is used consistently every time the behavior occurs. Also, use of reward for a period of time like part of a day or a whole day when no Time Outs or maybe only one Time Out is received.

6. DISCIPLINE SHOULD BE: • Friendly: Use a friendlybut firm communication style when letting a child know they have behaved inappropriately and let them know they will receive the "agreed upon" consequence. • Encourage them to try to remember what they should do instead to avoid future consequences. Work at "catching them being good" and praise them for appropriate behavior.

7. GUIDANCE What caregivers do to influence behavior. • The act or function of guiding. • Giving advice or counseling. • Helping, teaching, showing. • Done continually through example, words, and actions.

8. I agree with spanking I disagree with spanking Where does spanking fit? Discipline or Punishment?

9. OVERALL GOAL OF POSITIVE DISCIPLINE To incorporate positive discipline and guidance so the child will gain: • inner self-control • become independent • Be self-reliant • Practice self-guidance/disciplining (controlling one’s own behavior) Even when you are not around.

10. PUNSHMENT DOES NOT DO THIS… Encourage = Instill (give) courage IT Discourage = Removes courage

11. OVERALL POINTS OF DISCIPLINE Parent’s who punish rather than discipline may have children that rebel. • Adults who do not reinforce appropriate behavior may have children who resort to problem behavior. • Attention is a powerful reinforcer that guides children positively or negatively. • Children often misbehave for attention. • Withdraw from the conflict and resolve the problem later. • Respond to aggressive behavior in a non-aggressive way

12. REASON’S FOR A CHILD’S MISBAHAVIOR • Remember that we all act in certain ways to meet our own needs. • Children are no different and their behavior, or misbehavior, can be understood best if the underlying need or reason for their behavior is identified.

13. A child misbehaves when one of the following behavioral needs are not being met: • NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR THE CHILD’S AGE • Have appropriate expectations for the child’s developmental age.

14. 2. NATURAL CURIOSITY • Provide opportunities to experiment and satisfy curiosity.

15. 3. THEY DO NOT KNOW ANY BETTER • Inadequate or misunderstood instructions, they really are trying to do what was asked (too high of expectations). • They are trying something new and do not realize what the consequences might be.

16. 4. TO GET ATTENTION • They are trying something new and do not realize what the consequences might be. • Give attention only to that which you want to be repeated and ignore questionable or undesirable behavior. • Negative attention is still attention • Feed what you want to Live, Starve what you want to Die.

17. 5. TO GET POWER • Children want some power and control in their lives or they become upset over the amount of control others have over them and might rebel or assert a degree of power and control.

18. 6. FOR REVENGE • Working to hurt or “get even” for what they have been made to do or feel.

19. 7. FEELING INADEQUATE OR INCAPABLE • Constantly correcting or giving negative reinforcement might make a kid quit trying because they are afraid of failing.

20. 8. THE NEED TO FEEL THAT THEY BELONG • Wanting to find a place in a family or peer group where they fit in. • This place may be positive or negative, but the need is met

21. LOVE • Love when they are least lovable. • Focus on the child NOT on the action.

22. BEHAVIOR SITUATIONS 1.Peter goes to church with his father. His father becomes very upset because Peter will not sit quietly. 2.Mother asks David to help clear the table. David refuses and says, "NO!” 3. A father has taken his son out to fish for the first time. The boy keeps snagging his hook and getting mixed up in what he should do. He gets angry. 4. It is about 11:00 A.M. Mary and John have been playing peacefully with the tinker toys. Gradually tempers flare and they begin quarreling over the pieces and hitting each other. 5. Two boys are climbing trees. They call to a third boy to come and join them. The third boy has been told not to, but does it anyway. 6. A group of children are playing house. One child is the Mom, another is the Dad, and the rest are the children. A child asks the group if they can play and the group says, “NO.” The child goes off crying. 7. A 4 year old finds a knife and uses it to try and cut a carrot. As a result, he cuts his finger. 8. Jane, 3 years old, goes into her mother’s bedroom and sees a lipstick on the dresser. She opens it and paints all over her mother’s bedspread. 9. David, 5 years old, usually goes to bed without any fuss. However, tonight, mother is having a party and the child comes out of the room several times demanding attention. 11. Bonnie and Sue are playing house. Sue accidentally splashes water from the sink onto Bonnie. Bonnie fills a glass up with water and pours it onto Sue. 10. Mary is playing with the kitten. The telephone rings and mother answers it. Immediately Mary begins hurting the kitten 12. A Mom takes her child out to weed the garden with her. She tells the child to sit on the grass while she runs to get her tools. When she returns, the child is gone.

23. CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE 1. If children live with criticism, They learn to condemn 2. If children live with hostility, They learn to fight 3. If children live with fear, They learn to be apprehensive 4. If children live with pity, They learn to feel sorry for themselves 5. If children live with jealousy, They learn what envy is 6. If children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty 7. If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient 8. If children live with encouragement, They learn to be confident 9. If children live with praise, They learn to appreciate

24. CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE… 10. If children live with approval, They learn to like themselves 11. If children live with acceptance, They learn to find love in the world 12. If children live with recognition, They learn to have a goal 13. If children live with sharing, They learn to be generous 14. If children live with honesty and fairness, They learn what truth and justice are 15. If children live with security, They learn to have faith in themselves and in those around them 16. If children live with friendliness, They learn that the world is a nice place in which we live 17. If children live with serenity, They learn to have a peace of mind 18. With what are your children living? -Dorothy L. Nolte • Learning Seed: Disciplining without screaming and scolding

25. NEGATIVE STATEMENTS CHANGED TO A POSITIVE 1. Don’t run with scissors in your hand. 2. Don’t forget lunch. 3. Don’t run in the house. 4. Don’t hit her again. 5. Don’t touch anything! 6. Stop acting like a baby. 7. Don’t eat like a sloppy pig. 8. Don’t stay up so late. 9. Don’t dawdle on the way home from school. 10. Don’t slam the door.

26. Parenting Magazine Activity • Find 2 articles dealing with discipline • Describe the positive methods of discipline they suggest • Look through your notes: • Do they incorporate the 3 F’s • What guidance do they give • How do they meet the goal of positive discipline • Do they mention any of the 8 reasons of behavioral needs? If so, which one? What advice to they suggest to help that child?

28. 1. What is the family stressor? • How can you best meet your child’s needs?

29. 2. Positive Discipline • What might be an underlying reason for this child to misbehave? • What advice would you give the parents?

30. 3. Positive Discipline • What other methods of positive discipline would you suggest?

31. 4. Parenting • What guidance would your parents or someone you trust give to you?

32. 5. Stressor and Positive Discipline • What is the family stressor? • What ways can you cope in this situation? Give 2 examples

33. 6. Parenting • What might be the underlying reason for your child’s behavior? • How can you help your child?

34. 7. Stressor • What might the child be feeling, give 3 possible reactions • How should you handle this situation?

35. 8. Parenting • What parenting style do you have? • What are three characteristics of that style • How do children respond to that?

36. 9. Parenting • What parenting style do you have? • What are three characteristics of that style • How do children respond to that?

37. 10. Stressor • How can you best meet your child’s needs? • What ways might your child react in this situation? • How is it harmful for them?

38. 11. Stressor • How can you best meet your child’s needs? • What ways might your child react in this situation? • How is it harmful for them?

40. What is the family’s stressor? • What would you guess is their parenting style? • What is a characteristic of that parenting style? • How would the children react in this situation? • Is this a form of abuse? _______________If so, what kind? ______________________________ • Give 3 ways that could help a child cope: • What could be a possible discipline problem? • How would a good friend guide your family in this situation? • Is a child misbehaving? If yes, what might be the reason? • What form of positive discipline could help correct this behavior?