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Example 1 - Telling

Example 1 - Telling. The little girl looked so tired that I knew it was nap time. Grammatically, this sentence is fine. However, it doesn’t engage the imagination. Example 1 - Showing.

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Example 1 - Telling

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  1. Example 1 - Telling • The little girl looked so tired that I knew it was nap time. • Grammatically, this sentence is fine. However, it doesn’t engage the imagination.

  2. Example 1 - Showing • Her sleepy brown eyes hardened into red-rimmed slits. She cocked her plastic Viking helmet aggressively, the horns sticking out only a little more than her curls. One fist clutched a decapitated lollipop, the other a cardboard sword. She leveled the point at my chest. "You mean dragon!" she growled. "You'll never make me nap!"

  3. Example 2 - Telling • I’ll never forget how I felt after Fido died. I was miserable. • Naming the feelings doesn’t do enough to create interest in the reader. • Find a way to get your audience to feel the emotions.

  4. Example 2 - Showing • Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from the serious business of taking him for his walk, Fido growled, his little ears flattened against his scruffy head. Yet he always forgave me. Even after his hearing and sight faded, when he felt the leash click on his collar and smelled fresh air, he still tried to caper. This morning I filled his water bowl all the way to the top--just the way he likes it--before I remembered.

  5. Example 3 - Telling • He looked at me in a way that wasn't exactly threatening, but still made me uncomfortable. • What, exactly, did he do that made you feel uncomfortable?

  6. Example 3 - Showing • He looked directly at me as he took gigantic a bite of his chicken wing, sauce staining the corners of his mouth. Bits of cartilage crunched in his mouth while he chewed. Without taking his eyes off of me, he licked the sauce from each of his fingers.

  7. Showing vs. Telling • Use specific details. • Give the reader a reason to feel your emotions. • Show details that imply a main point—emphasize their importance. • Avoid generalizations.

  8. Make this sentence less “blah.” • He acted like it had been ten years since he had gone on a date.

  9. Apply to your opening • Review your piece. • Find at least two places where you could be showing rather than telling. • Fill in the chart with your original idea and your revision. Adapted from Dennis G. Jerz, Seton Hill University.

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