Violence to the Relationship between Mothers and Children: Steps to Recovery

1. Violence to the Relationship between Mothers and Children: Steps to Recovery Professor Cathy Humphreys University of Melbourne & Centre for Excellence in Child and Family Welfare

2. Seminar Overview • Brief description of research project • Direct impact of domestic violence on children • Impact on the relationship between mothers and children • Undermining abuse tactics • The consequences of this attack • The concept of ‘Readiness’

3. Research Project • An action research project • Based in 10 refuges and 2 NSPCC children’s projects • 2 activity books • Focus groups x 8 + reference group • Interviews (52 children + 45 women); • 12 Asian families • Reflection sheets from activities; 15 worker interviews

4. Impact on children • 102 children in refuges showed rates of behavioural and emotional disturbance 2.5 times the rate of children living without violence. (WOLFE et al., 1988) • Meta analysis of 118 studies showed significantly poorer outcomes on 21 psychosocial measures for children ‘witnessing’ domestic violence, than those not living with violence (Kitzmann et al, 2003).

5. A conspiracy of silence • NCH Action for Children study of 108 mothers experiencing domestic violence reported 17 per cent had talked to their children about it (Abrahams, 1994). • Two other studies indicate fewer than one third of children had talked about the violence and abuse with their mothers (McGee, 2000; Mullender et al., 2002)

6. Impact on relationship between mothers and children • Direct and indirect attack on the relationship between mothers and children • Not to pathologise – many strengths • Closest person is consistently Mum .

7. Undermining abuse tactics ?????????????????????????????????????? Direct – encouraging children to insult their mothers Indirect – disabling the mother physically so she is unavailable to her children

8. Undermining abuse tactics • Disabling the mother physically through violence so she is unavailable to her children. • Disabling the mother mentally through trauma and depression so she is emotionally unavailable. • Criticising and insulting the mother in front of the children which undermines their respect for her. • Women may also be sexually assaulted and humiliated in front of their children

9. Consequences • The ‘absent presence’ of the perpetrator • Lack of communication due to the ‘veil of secrecy’ • Children ‘out of control’ – poor discipline patterns in the family – too much or too little or inconsistent • Lack of appropriate boundaries with some children taking on ‘parenting’ or ‘carer’ roles • A mismatch between children’s needs and their mother’s needs

10. Children’s recovery linked to their mothers • Resilience in children linked to mother’s mental health and recovery (Moore and Pepler, 1998) • Children’s perception that their mothers care and support them (Goldblatt, 2003). • Strengthening communication (Humphreys et al 2006) .

11. Activity Packs for Mothers and children • Younger children pack and older children pack • 5 themes • Talking about feelings • Building self-esteem • Strengthening the relationship through exploring similarities and differences • Safety • Talking about things that matter

12. Impact of the workbooks • Perception of effect of workbooks on relationship • Making a positive difference • 78% (n=35) a positive difference; 41% (n=18) a major difference • A good thing to do • 43% very positive; 33% positive

13. Perception of Communication before using the activities

14. Working on the workbooks • Quality time • Difficult but strengthening • Feelings about ‘dad’ • Role of worker support • Changed perception of talking with children • A difference to workers

15. Working with the Activities • Discuss what issues might be raised for mothers, children and workers?

16. Participation and engagement • Readiness • Organisational context • Workers’ skills • Mothers readiness • Talking about the past • Crisis/timing • Physical/mental health • Attitude towards relationship • Children/young people

17. ‘Readiness’ • Women need to be in a position strengthen the communication with their children • Acknowledge the dv and are able to talk about it • Recognise the children are affected • Beyond the immediate trauma/crisis • Recognise that children may need to talk/spend time with them

18. Implications for policy and practice • Beyond safety and parenting skills • Separation of services • Training needs • Exploring ‘readiness’ • High support needs • Child contact issues • Beyond mother-blaming

19. Workbooks • Available from: • Humphreys, C., Mullender, A., Thiara, R.K. and Skamballis, A. ( 2006) Talking to My Mum: A Picture Workbook for Workers, Mothers and Children Affected by Domestic Abuse London, Jessica Kingsley Publications • A6 Humphreys, C., Mullender, A., Thiara, R.K. and Skamballis, A. (2006) Talking About Domestic Abuse: A Photo Activity Workbook to Develop Communication Between Mothers and Young People. London, Jessica Kingsley Publications Footprint Books www.footprint.com.au