Preparing for a Divorce When You Have Children

1. Preparing for a Divorce When You Have Children Having children often makes a divorce much more complicated and emotional. Many people stay in bad marriages to avoid the prospect of losing custody of their children. But sometimes, staying together isn't possible. This guide will address how to plan for a divorce with kids and navigate this challenging time.

2. Understanding Your Divorce Path Low-Conflict Divorce High-Conflict Divorce You and your spouse are emotionally mature and value low- conflict parenting. This pending divorce will likely still be painful, but the less conflict, the better for everyone involved. You and your spouse might be incompatible co-parents. When people are hurt or afraid, they can lash out. You might not know how your spouse will react to the split. Both parents prioritize children's wellbeing Abusive behavior patterns present Open communication possible Substance abuse or mental health issues Willing to compromise and negotiate Volatile reactions to suggestions No history of abuse or substance issues Potential danger to children The best divorce attorneys have experience in all aspects of child custody. We know that the higher the conflict, the worse it is for the kids. This knowledge empowers our clients before they divorce.

3. Planning for a High-Conflict Divorce If your spouse is abusive, a narcissist, has a substance abuse issue or mental health issues, high conflict might be unavoidable because their condition endangers the children. Most parents that fit into these categories will not want to admit they have an issue or may harm the children. 01 02 03 Hire an Expert Attorney Find a family law attorney who is a pro at conflict resolution and difficult personality types. Many attorneys are bad communicators and routinely end up in court. Because litigation is expensive and risky, it's often the worst outcome for families. Expect the Worst Plan for what could possibly go wrong at every stage. Even easygoing spouses can lose it at the prospect of divorce involving kids. Your spouse might start recording you secretly, plant tracking devices, or hack your email or phone. Understand Litigation Costs Amicable divorces cost less, but custody cases often end up in court. Plan to have enough money saved to cover child custody expenses if things go wrong. The best way to save money is finding a skilled negotiator.

4. Critical Steps for High-Conflict Cases Document Everything Involve Police When Necessary Write a list of your child care responsibilities. Keep a calendar and track the time your spouse spends with the children. If your spouse yells at the children or worse, document the time, date, and what was said. If you or your children are victims of violence, contact the police and set up an emergency plan with a friend. Pack an emergency bag and hide it with your friend. In child custody proceedings, the court might want to know if you called the police if there was violence. Discuss this with your attorney. Important: Only do this if you and your children are safe and there is low risk of your spouse discovering the documentation.

5. Planning for a Low-Conflict Divorce If you and your spouse had a low-conflict marriage, it's more than likely you can have a low-conflict divorce. Most low-conflict divorces with children look like this: the parents agree to split 50/50 child custody. There's no history of abuse, substance abuse, or mental health emergencies. Focus on Co-Parenting Hire a Collaborative Attorney Even in low-conflict divorces, co-parenting can be difficult and hard to adjust to. Navigating a new type of parenting takes patience, an open mind, and time. Consider enrolling in co-parenting classes voluntarily or attending mediation. The best family law attorneys are problem solvers who keep conflict low. Find an attorney who is an expert negotiator, is good with people, and can mediate conflict effectively.

6. The Reality of Divorce Costs $$$ Why Do Custody Cases End Up in Court? We all know that amicable divorces cost less. Parents who work together to solve issues save money. Yet many child custody cases still end up in litigation. Litigation is Expensive If your biggest concerns are child custody rather than finances, understand that custody can be expensive. The best way to save money on attorney fees is to find a lawyer who is a skilled negotiator and communicator. Whether your case is high or low conflict, plan to have enough money saved to cover child custody expenses if things go the wrong way. Pro Tip: Value a lawyer who will be blunt with you regarding your anticipated chances on any custody position. If you demand sole custody, be prepared to listen to your lawyer regarding the law, the facts of your case, and your chances of success.

7. Adjusting to Co-Parenting After Divorce Even if you co-parented well during the marriage, often at least one parent is hurt by the divorce. Maybe you or your spouse has met someone new. Or maybe one spouse is shocked and heartbroken by the divorce filing. Expect Big Changes It is reasonable to expect that the divorce will be a big change for the kids. It is also a big change for parents. Practice Patience Navigating a new type of parenting takes patience, an open mind, and time to adjust. Work Together You could hire cooperative attorneys and work out parenting plans and schedules to keep conflict low.

8. Get Expert Guidance If you are in the process of getting a divorce and want to discuss what you can expect regarding child custody, please contact our office for a consultation. Warren Major LLP is a Marin County CA family law firm specializing in divorce, child custody and support, marital contracts and other family law issues. Disclaimer: Warren Major LLP publishes articles about family law cases on its website for informational purposes only. The information contained herein may not reflect the current law in your jurisdiction. No information contained in this post should be construed as legal advice from Warren Major LLP or the individual author. Using this information or sending electronic mail to Warren Major LLP or its attorneys does not create an attorney-client relationship.