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Under Siege – Sex Today. Pastoral Approach 1 2008. The Series. Sexual (Un)common Sense Strategy and Tactics for Change 3. Pastoral Approach 1&2. Talk Outline. The purpose of the talk The normal helps. Focus. Topic: sexual self-control Focus: masturbation-pornography

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Under siege sex today

Under Siege – Sex Today

Pastoral Approach 1


The series
The Series

  • Sexual (Un)common Sense

  • Strategy and Tactics for Change

    3. Pastoral Approach 1&2

Talk outline
Talk Outline

  • The purpose of the talk

  • The normal helps


  • Topic: sexual self-control

    • Focus: masturbation-pornography

  • Category: our university students +

    • Most do not have sexual self-control yet.

    • “Community kids” are like the others, except they usually have known these things are wrong.

Our young men
Our young men

  • Why do I know anything about the situation?

  • Perhaps my sample is “biased”, but I do not think my conclusions are.

Our young men1
Our young men

• Almost all of our young men have (had) a problem in this area.

  • At least in the past, they were under the domination of it.

  • Many of them have done things that were seriously wrong, sometimes things unheard of when I was young.

  • Internet pornography makes it more challenging.

    • Masturbation and pornography very often go together.

    • Pornography is more serious than masturbation in its consequences.

  • Our young men2
    Our young men

    • Only some can get free by themselves — with good teaching.

    • I think I can get all of the converted ones free from it.

    Talk outline1
    Talk Outline

    • The purpose of the talk

    • The normal helps

    What can we do
    What can we do?

    • Teach about it.

      • From here on, I presuppose they accept these things as wrong.

      • Also about the purpose of sexuality.

    • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well.

      • Do not wait until they get married.

    • Work someone out of it.


    • Most have gotten little apart from us.

    • Sexuality seminar (pre-formation)

    • FC 2: Course for single men (Year 2)

    Pastoral care discussion
    Pastoral care discussion

    When start to work on it?

    • When they bring it up wanting help

    • Entering formation: fornication

    • After FC 2: goal of basic sexual discipline

    Normal helps
    Normal Helps

    • Individual pastoral care discussions

    • Men’s group

    • Buddies

    • Internet protection

    • Special prayer

    Normal help pastoral care
    Normal Help: Pastoral Care

    • Only trained pastoral workers should do this, and under supervision.

    Normal help pastoral care1
    Normal Help: Pastoral Care

    • Ask their permission.

    • Preferably each time at the start

    • This can be painful for them (although relief for others; or both at the same time).

  • Keep confidentiality.

  • Bring it up periodically, not each time.

    • Don’t make it the regular focus of normal pastoral care.

      – The goal is to keep an eye on the situation.

  • Normal help pastoral care2
    Normal Help: Pastoral Care

    • We want to encourage them they can do it and tell them to keep fighting.

    The value of testimony
    The Value of Testimony

    • They need to know it can be done (some think it is impossible).

    • If you are over it…

    • If there is no reason you should not…

    • If not, speak about others.

    Normal help men s group
    Normal Help: Men’s Group

    • Confession in the men’s group you lead?

    • My criteria:

      • Only after you know where everyone is

      • Only if you are confident they are all willing

      • Only if you can check to see if they are being honest

    Normal help buddies
    Normal Help: Buddies

    • The buddy system – two guys confessing to each other

    • They do not necessarily give advice — mainly accountability.

      • Sacramental confession does not usually do the same thing.

    • They need to be committed to regular contact and direct speech.

    Normal help internet
    Normal Help: Internet

    • A filter (blocking program)

    • Computer use in the open

    • Covenant Eyes for laptops

    Normal help prayer
    Normal Help: Prayer

    • Prayer for general help in area

    • Prayer for deliverance

    • Prayer for the past

    • No substitute for learning sexual discipline

    What can we do1
    What can we do?

    • Teach about it.

    • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well.

    • Work someone out of it.

      • This requires a special talk.