TEEN DATING VIOLENCE Presented by: Cherokee County District Attorney’s Office
What do you think about when you hear the phrase “teen dating abuse?”
Dating Violence Questions • Which of the following could be considered a sign of relationship abuse? • My boyfriend didn't call me last night. • My boyfriend called me a slut in front of his friends because I was wearing makeup. • My boyfriend forgot our anniversary 2. What kind of behavior could be considered relationship abuse? • Keeping someone away from their friends or family • Calling someone names • Controlling what someone wears • All of the above
3. I think a friend of mine might be in a violent relationship. What should I do? • Take her shopping • Talk to her, ask if everything's okay, in a calm non-judgmental way • Have your boyfriend beat up her boyfriend • Mind my own business 4. I think a friend of mine is hitting his girlfriend. What is the first thing I should do? • Sit down with him one-on-one, in a quiet place, and start talking to him about it. • Go immediately to a school counselor • Don't say anything
5. If everyone said you and your boyfriend were a cute couple but he was starting to get violent, what could you do? • Talk to a friend • Talk to a parent • Talk to a teacher, counselor or another trusted adult • All of the above 6. What can you do if you end a violent relationship, but your ex-boyfriend keeps trying to see you? • Explain your situation to an adult you can trust • Avoid situations where you might see your ex • Call the police if you are threatened or if you feel afraid • All of the above
Myth or Fact?? Teen dating violence only happens to kids from bad homes. Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign that the persons sees you as a possession. It is one of the most common early warning sign of abuse. Males, as well as females, can be victims of teen dating violence and it can occur in any type of relationship. My partner constantly checks up on me because he/she is worried about me. Strangulation is a high risk indicator of domestic violence homicide.
What is Teen Dating Abuse? Teen Dating Abuse is a pattern of physically, sexually, verbally, and/or emotionally abusive or controlling behavior in a dating relationship Emotional Verbal Physical Sexual Controlling
Dating Violence Facts 1 in 3 teenage females are victims of physical, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse 44% of the sexual assaults happen to victims under the age of 18 and 73% of sexual assault victims know their attacker (46% in Cherokee County are ages10-19)
Teen Cycle of Violence Who were you out with so late? Let me see your phone. You shouldn’t have done that You are embarrassing me I’m sorry! I’ll change. You never do anything right! Peer Acceptance “Wrestling”
Technology and Abuse • Nearly 25% of teens ages 14 to 24 reported that partners check in multiple times a day to see where they are or who they are with and more than 10% said partners demanded passwords (Emotional Abuse) • 1 in 4 teens have been harassed, put down, or called names via cell or text (Verbal Abuse) • 1 in 5 teens have been harassed via social networking site (Verbal and Emotional Abuse)
Technology and Abuse • 1 in 3 teens say they are text messaged up to thirty times an hour by a partner or ex-partner inquiring where they are, what they are doing, or who they are with • 1 in 4 teens in a relationship communicated with their partner by cell phone or text messaging hourly between midnight and 5:00 a.m (sleep deprivation is a form of physical abuse) • 17% of teens in a recent survey report that a boyfriend or girlfriend has made them afraid to not respond to a cell phone call, email, IM, or text message because of what he or she might do
Cyber Abuse • Abuse through phones, internet, or any type of technology • Password sharing • Spying, hacking, and monitoring with or without partner’s knowledge • Blocking or deleting certain friends on social networks • Constant harassing texts/phone calls/messages • Coerced Sexting
Sexting and the Laws Sexting is a serious crime. Sexting carries a sentence of 5-25 years in prison (Ga Code 16-12-100) What is sexting? So what’s the big deal?
Yeardly Love George Wesley Huguely V UVA Star Student/Athlete
Yeardly Love Friends knew about: * A player on an opposing team enters a bedroom to find Love in a choke hold at Huguely’s hands. He releases her and leaves. * Threatening e-mail and text messages that Huguely sent to Love post-breakup * Witness testimony of strangulation a week prior * Days before her death, he sent her an email that said "I should have killed you"
George Wesley Huguely VSentenced to 23 years in prison. GUILTY UVA Star Student/Athlete Prison Is Now Home
Strangulation It takes only 4 lbs. of pressure to cut off both jugular veins 10 seconds brain damage 10-20 seconds loss of unconsciousness 2 minutes full unconsciousness 4 minutes DEATH Victims of prior attempted strangulation are 7 times more likely of becoming a homicide victim at the hands of the same abuser.
Obstacles teens face in seeking help • Ending the relationship can be difficult and dangerous • Abusers rationalizing their abuse to their victims • “It’s not really abuse” • “I didn’t mean to hurt him or her” • “It’ll never happen again” • “She (or he) got me so angry, it just happened” • “She (or he) likes it” • “I can’t control myself”
Support Do get medical attention for a friend if the relationship becomes physically abusive.Do offer your unconditional friendship and support. Do be clear that you are there to listen, and not to judge. Do tell your friend it's not his/her fault. Do accept what he/she tells you. Do identify the unhealthy behaviors. Do acknowledge the scariness of dating violence.Do encourage the victim to build a support system.
Increasing Safety Talk with a trustworthy adult Create a safety plan Call the police Get a restraining or protection order Stay at a place that the abuser doesn’t know about
Escaping The Relationship • Reality check • Make the decision • Make a plan • Follow through
Creating A Safety Plan Every safety plan should be formatted to fit your life because every situation is different. • PERSONALIZED • PREPARED • SUPPORTED BY YOUR COMMUNITY • REALISTIC • INCLUSIVE
Temporary Protective Orders A legal document that orders the abuser to stay away from, and have no contact with the victim. • Enforceable by law enforcement The court may order the abuser to: • Stay away from victim’s home and work; • Stay away from the victim while at school or at school activities
Temporary Protective Order Requirements for Minors • An adult over the age of 18 must petition for the order on the minor’s behalf. Georgia law does not specify whether the parent or guardian of the minor will be notified about the TPO. • A judge may issue a TPO if the abuser has physically abused, sexually abused, or stalked the victim; or damaged the victim's property.
Dating Bill of Rights To always be treated with respect. In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal. To be in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication. To not be hurt physically or emotionally. You should feel safe in your relationship at all times. Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault.Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way. To refuse sex or affection at anytime.
Dating Bill of Rights (cont) A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions. You have the right to not have sex.Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason. To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend. Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy. To end a relationship. You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthyrelationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.
Resources • Cherokee Family Violence Center 24 hour English hotline number- 770-479-1703 24 hour Spanish hotline number- 770-720-7050 www.cfvc.org • YWCA Rape Crisis Center - 770-427-3390 www.ywca.org • District Attorney’s Office Victim/Witness Assistance Program- 770-479-1488 • http://www.loveisnotabuse.com • http://www.breakthecycle.org/