Developing Relationships 3 steps... Becoming aware of the other person- first impressions Making contact- getting acquainted Disclosure- sharing our hopes, dreams and fears
Friends Men and Women The beginning… Trust
Becoming Friends • Similarities • Proximity • Where do you meet friends? • Opposites • Complements • Social Exchange Theory
Dating and more... • Attraction • Selection • Transition • Infatuation
LOVE When the satisfaction, security, and development of another person is as important to you as your own satisfaction, security, and development, love exists. Passion Intimacy Commitment
LOVE myths • Lasts Forever • Conquers All • Positive • Awareness • No Control
TYPES OF LOVE Games Possessive Logical Altruistic Companionate Exotic
Committment Psychological Reactance
Adjustment • Changes • The Bad • 5:1 Calm Validate Not being defensive Practice
Domestic Violence Codependency
Growing Apart • Infinite wisdom of Dr. Phil • When to make large decisions • Do everything else first
Exercise: Personal Ads • Describe yourself: physical characteristics, hobbies, interests and beliefs • Describe the characteristics you want your date to have • Example: Divorced black female (DBF) in her 30’s, interested in hiking, skiing, reading, dancing, the beach and just having a good time; seeks a black male (BM) 28-35 for companionship, attractive, not too heavy, not too tall, interested in outdoor activities and country western music, must be sincere
The Revolution will be Televised - 36 My white brothas, this one is for you. It's time for you to come home to Africa. Some of your brotheren are already following suit. Halle Berry's man, movie critic Roger Ebert, Mr. Big from sex and the city, Matthew Mcounghy, chef Wolfgan Puck hell even he has seen the light. Come to the light my white brothas, leave Barbie behind and come home to Africa and claim your queens. We'll be waiting... Note: Ok if you didn't laugh at least a little, you must not have a good sense of humor.:) Love Tomatoes, Hate Mushrooms Yes, it's true. I'm picky that way... What do you "love" and "hate"? Sitting home on Valentine's wondering why. Any attractive CL women want to get to know a cute, smart, tall, funny, 30's guy? Send me a pic and maybe your IM and we can chat the night away. You never know until you try and it's all about chemistry. We might have it. Happiness depends upon ourselves I am looking to meet some new people and somehow picking up men in the bar hasn't led me to the finest men, Hello there, I am a girl who wants to have fun but also to get serious I mean I think I can do both, I don't know what to say exactly, Just looking for a fun loving guy who is smart funny and above all honest.
Discussion • How did most people describe themselves: by physical characteristics, interest or attitudes? • What were most people looking for in a date: attractiveness, similar interest, or satisfaction? • Why do you think most people advertise? Is it because they’re lonely, because it’s a a quicker way of screening your dates or because they’re weird? • Can you believe what most people are saying about themselves? • Should a person advertise? What are the advantages and disadvantages? • Have you or anyone you know advertised? What were the results?