Word choice

1. Word choice

2. Eliminating Words • Get rid of words that are unnecessary, obstruct your meaning, or could be confusing to your reader.

3. Eliminate words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail • Wordy (47 words): After booking a ticket to Dallas from a travel agent, I packed my bags and arranged for a taxi to the airport. Once there, I checked in, went through security, and was ready to board. But problems beyond my control led to a three-hour delay before takeoff. • Concise (9 words): My flight to Dallas was delayed for three hours.

4. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers These are words that do not add meaning to the sentence by adding more detail. In the right context, these words can add value to the sentence, but often they just act as “filler” • Wordy (9 words): Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. • Concise (6 words): Any dessert is fine with me. The following is a list of words and phrases that are often unnecessary: • kind of • sort of • type of • really • basically • for all intents and purposes • definitely • actually • generally • individual • specific • particular

5. Eliminate words that are repetitive • Omit redundant pairs—these are pairs of words that imply each other. • For Example: Finish implies complete, so the phrase “completely finish” is redundant in most cases Wordy (33 words): Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages his travel agent was offering, the customer changed her future plans. Concise (23 words): Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changer her plans.

6. Eliminate words that are repetitive • Omit redundant categories—specific words imply their general categories, so usually both do not have to be stated • For Example: We know that “a period” is a segment of time, that “pink” is a color, and that “shiny” is an appearance, so it is unnecessary to write “a period of time,” “the color pink,” or “a shiny appearance” Wordy (16 words): The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape and peculiar in nature. Concise (9 words): The microscope revealed a group of peculiar, round organisms.

7. “Awkward,” “Vague,” and “Unclear” Word Choice because of… • Misused words—words that do not mean what the writer thinks they mean • Example: Cree Indians were a monotonous culture until French and British settlers arrives. • Revision: Cree Indians were a homogenous culture. • Words with unwanted connotations or meanings—words that have meaning associated with them might not match the meaning of your sentence • Example: It was a peculiar house. • Revision: It was a different house. • Revision: It was a unique house. • Using a pronoun when readers cannot tell whom/what it refers to • Example: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though he didn’t like him very much. • Revision: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though Jake doesn’t like Trey very much.

8. More examples of “Awkward,” “Vague,” and “Unclear” Word Choice • Jargon or technical terms that make readers work unnecessarily hard—sometimes these terms need to be used because they are important to your topic, but be careful not to overdo it in an attempt to “sound smart” • Example: The dialectical interface between neo-Platonists and anti-disestablishment Catholics offers an algorithm for deontological thought. • Revision: The dialogue between neo-Platonists and certain Catholic thinkers is a model for deontological thought. • Unspecific language—sometimes writers will use language assuming that their reader will understand their meaning, but they will not give a clear explanation of what they mean with the language they are using • Example: Society teaches young girls that beauty is their most important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, we must change society. • Revision: Contemporary American popular media, like magazines and movies, teach young girls that beauty is the most important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, we must change the images and role models girls are offered.

9. Clichés—phrases that have been used so much that they have become corny and less impactful • Last but not least • Pushing the envelop • Up in the air • Last • Approaching the limit • Unknown/undecided

10. Selecting Key Terms: Repetition vs Redundancy

11. Selecting Key Terms:Building a Clear Thesis Statement • Crafting a concise sentence that clearly reflects your ideas and the main arguments can be difficult but creates a stronger essay, and acts as a guide for your reader. • The following are three examples of thesis statements for an essay that contrasts the river and shore scenes in Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn: • There are many important river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn. • The contrasting river and store scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature. • Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain’s Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave “civilized” society and go back to nature.

12. There are many important river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn. • In this example, the word “important” (like “interesting”) is both overused and vague; it suggests that the author has an opinion but gives very little indication about the framework of that opinion

13. The contrasting river and store scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature. • In this example, the author becomes more specific about where the paper is headed, but still does not explain how a “return to nature” is important to your understanding of the novel • Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain’s Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave “civilized” society and go back to nature. • This example is the strongest of these examples because it uses key terms—the contrast between river and shore scenes, a return to nature, and American democratic ideals—to make its argument clear

14. Avoiding Informal Language • As a writer, you must adapt your voice to different situations. In academic writing, most of the time, you will need to use a formal tone. This means: • Avoid using personal pronouns, like “I” or “we,” or addressing the reader as “you.” • You do not want to assume the reader’s position on your argument, which words like “we” and “you” can do. • Using “I” is usually unnecessary because you are writing the paper—your reader knows that, unless you state otherwise, everything you are writing is what you think/believe. • Do not use contractions—don’t, can’t, shouldn’t, didn’t, etc. • Avoid using writing that sounds too conversational • your academic writing will most likely not sound exactly like you would talk to a friend • Slang, improper grammar, and clichés can make your writing sound too informal

15. Student Example • However, with the many benefits associated with this means of farming, there are a lot of drawbacks, and the cons we are going to talk about in this essay are the environmental impact of waste disposal in factory farming. • While there are benefits to it, factory farming has a negative environmental impact because of how waste is disposed.

16. Student Example • The debate around genetically modified organisms (GMO) is a controversial issue on either side of the fence. • Cliché—“either side of the fence” • Unnecessary modification—saying that there is a “debate” and something is “controversial” implies that there are differing views involved • Instead, get more specific and explain why it is controversial • There is a debate around genetically modified organisms (GMO) because… • GMOs are a controversial issue because…

17. Student Example • Ahead of us… • Personal pronoun • Unnecessary modifiers • Ahead… • In the future…

18. Student Example • There are various factors that causes this water pollution and similar effects that puts everyone in a potential risk. These factors include: air pollution, nonpoint sources, and agricultural farming to name a few. • “to name a few”—makes it sound like the factors included were randomly selected • Language should be intentional and essential—state important factors that will be examined in the essay • These factors include: air pollution, nonpoint sources, and agricultural farming. • There are many factors that cause water pollution, but the most important are ________.

19. Student Example • Consumers much like myself, do not desire to eat food that has been treated with pesticides because the thought of this idea is appalling and is coupled with potential health hazards that are through the roof. • The writers opinion being used as evidence—find a source to support this view, or recognize that it is just your personal view • Cliché—“through the roof” • Wordy • I do not desire food that has been treated with pesticides because the thought is appalling and is coupled with potential health hazards.