I hope your child fails this year… Failure leads to Success By “Esteemed Speaker” Mike Russell For Bridge House Parents’ Forum, February 2013
Ends Values (“Values we’d want to see in Bridge House people”) • Integrity • Love and compassion • Health and Vitality • Positivity (a “Can Do” attitude) • Learning for Life
Means Values (“How we must act for this to come about”) • Honesty in all our dealings • Demonstrate forgiveness • Knowing self • Setting others free • Openness to new ideas
I hate swimming … and maths and science
But love(d) Middle-distance running, cricket and soccer … and languages
Statements we don’t even know we make: • Don’t get your hopes up… • You haven’t been here long enough yet… • Good idea, but… • Yes, but you’ll need something to fall back on • Of course you can! …But… • Let me sort this out for you/ Dad or Mom or Uncle or Aunt so-and-so will help you… • You’re going to have to find work overseas…
Statements we could make if we paid more attention to what we say: • Ithink you can… • I think you’re ready for this… • Go with what you’re passionate about… • I’m looking forward to that… • Go for it! • You can handle this. • Suck it up – own it, fix it. • …let me know how it’s going. • Do your best… • Well done!! • So what did you learn? • …and then? What will you do after that?
Energy and trust Energy required for survival Effectiveness Energy available for performance Perceived organisational tone Adversarial NeutralSupportive
If you love your kids, and place value in their futures, bringing them up requires caring, nurturing, providing and selflessness And taking risks…
But also great courage; sometimes toughness – if you place value in their futures
Set high expectations and build self-esteem in others Drop-out Success story Low Expectations High Smart-alec Failure Low Self esteem High
School and parents It’s a partnership, not a confrontation
Stewart’s Law of Crisis “There is no issue so small that it cannot be turned into a crisis. Only one willing party is needed.”
It’s a partnership • It’s OK for your child to get into trouble sometimes… • It’s OK for your child to face disappointment sometimes… • In fact, it’s vital! • Be a partner, not a prosecutor • The helicopter parent
Stimulus & Response OW! Freedom to choose Independent will Self awareness Imagination Conscience
Stimulus / /Response • Breathe deeply… count to 10… • Find the facts and deal with them… • Deal with all sides of the story… • Deal with negative situations with perspective, short, medium and long-term thinking… they are opportunities for growth • Be a PARTNER in seeking the solution… • Trust the good intentions and integrity of the other party • Don’t press “send” until another re-read later… • Tone: “Since when does Bridge House think it can…” • vs “I’ve heard that there’s been a decision to (whatever). If that’s true, can I talk to someone about it?” • Remember: We care about your kids too…
“One should never forget the main aim in a debate… is that we should emerge from that debate, however sharp our differences might have been, stronger, closer and more united than ever before. The removal of differences and mutual suspicion… should always be our guiding principle.” Nelson Mandela Conversations with Myself
In the US, new teachers last an average of 4,5 years… They list “issues with parents” as a major reason for leaving the profession. • … that’s shooting our kids in the foot!
C. Day Lewis “Walking away” for Sean It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day – A sunny day with the leaves just turning, The touch-lines new-ruled – since I watched you play Your first game of football, then, like a satellite Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away
Behind a scatter of boys. I can see You walking away from me towards the school With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free Into a wilderness, the gait of one Who finds no path where the path should be. That hesitant figure, eddying away Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem, Has something I never quite grasp to convey About nature’s give-and-take – the small, the scorching Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay
I have had worse partings, but none that so Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly Saying what God alone could perfectly show – How selfhood begins with a walking away, And love is proved in the letting go.
Finally Thanks for your time! Laugh as much as you can: …because there’s no scientific proof that life is meant to be serious!