Family

1. Today Guest speaker: Jasmine Ceja-Break The Cycle Parenting Extra Credit Family structure Review: Abusive and Unhealthy Relationships Next week-Quiz and article reflection due Family

2. Parenting Punishment = penalty for misbehavior Discipline= method of teaching a child right from wrong View SuperNanny Clip

3. 1. Re-read Amy Chua’s article “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior” 2. Underline 3 points that you agree or disagree with 3. Underline any parenting techniques that you experienced or use as a parent Parenting • In a group of 4 answer the following questions: • What did you underline and why • Do you agree with the author’s parenting style? Why or why not? • What parenting techniques do you think are best? Chua family From Ms. Chua's album: 'Mean me with Lulu in hotel room... with score taped to TV!'

4. Parenting “Effective Discipline Techniques: Alternatives to Spanking:" Which of these techniques do you think are effective? Which do you think are ineffective? 1. Be a positive role model. 2. Set rules and consequences. 3. Encourage and reward good behavior. 4. Create charts. 5. Give time-outs.

5. Extra Credit: Hip Hop • Choose a hip hop song that highlights a social problem, says something about society, or gives insight into a subculture. • The focus of this assignment is not to criticize mainstream commercial hip hop music. • The purpose is to use conscious hip hop music (mostly the kind that is not on the radio) as a way of looking at issues in our society. • Try to select a song that focuses on one social issue, rather than touching briefly on many

6. Artists recommended to avoid Recommended Artists Hip Hop Extra Credit Atmosphere Arrested DevelopmentA Tribe Called Quest Brand Nubian Gang StarrGiant PandaDe La SoulDilated PeoplesQueen LatifahKRS OneLupe Fiasco Tanya Morgan Juggaknots Fashawn Nas Talib KweliCommonMos Def Pete Rock and C.L Poor Righteous Teachers Dead Prez Nneka The Fugees Queen Latifah SnoopTIYoung MoneyDavid GuettaGucci ManePitbull50 CentLMFAOLil WayneYoung Jeezy T-Pain

7. Extra Credit: Hip Hop • On May 23rd, 2011: Present the song. • Bring in the clean version, bring the clean lyrics (make copies, youtube video of lyrics, or some other way to share the lyrics) • Prepare to tell us why you picked the song, and connect it to sociology (something we learned in class or in the text book.) • 5. Think of two questions to ask the class related to the song that you believe will spark discussion. More details on this assignment will be posted on the website.

8. Extra Credit: Hip Hop • *If the song or lyrics are not the clean version you will not earn any points • *The sooner you e-mail me your song selection the better, avoid someone else picking the same song first • Only the first 10 students to e-mail their song can be selected for this extra credit option due to time • 4 points possible • Bring in one copy of the lyrics with your name and questions on it to turn in • Other extra credit options on website, Extra Credit Tab

9. Defining Family • Difficult to define because there are so many variations • Two or more people, who consider themselves related by blood, marriage, or adoption, and who live (or have lived) together.

10. Defining Family • Family of orientation is the family in which a person grows up, while (your parents and siblings) • Family of procreation is the family formed when a couple’s first child is born (your partner and children).

11. Partner activity • Answer the question above. Write NEATLY • Example: “One way I think families have changed since the 1950’s is ____” • 2. When you hear the buzzer, pass your paper to your partner • 3. Read their statement and write an OPEN-ENDED thought provoking question for your partner that requires them to think about the topic more deeply or look at it in a different way • 4. When you hear the buzzer, switch papers and respond to you partner’s question thoughtfully. • 5. When you hear the buzzer switch papers and read the response • Write your names on both papers, turn into red folder at the end of class for your participation points for today What changes do you think have occurred in the structure of families in the United States since the 1950’s?

12. Structural Functionalist Perspective Family performs functions that help society: • Replenishes population • Socializes children • Provides emotional and physical care for its members • Traditional roles of men and women keep families together

13. Conflict Perspective Focuses on power distribution in marriages • Why do women take their husbands last name? • Why do children take the father’s last name? • Traditional roles required “domestic slavery” of the wife-no income or status • Even today working women still do more of the housework

14. Symbolic Interactionist Perspective Concerned with social meanings and definitions of divorce, single parenthood, and cohabitation. • “Visitation rights” • “Single mom” • “Living in sin” As meanings become less negative, behaviors become more common

15. Silent Dialogue Partner Activity Purpose of the activity: 1. Develop critical thinking skills (there is no right or wrong answer, no right or wrong question to pose). The goal is to ask your partner a question that will invite them to look at their own thoughts in a deeper manner 2. Allow shy/quiet students sharetheir thoughts 3. Allow students to be the ones asking the questions instead of the teacher 4. Allow students to get feedback from peers instead of the teacher 5. Allow the teacher to assess the background knowledge students have on the topic (what do you already know about changes in family structure?)

16. What changes do you think have occurred in the structure of families in the United States in past 60 years?

17. Changes in U.S. family structures Modern Family • Increased divorce and blended families

18. Changes in U.S. family structures • Increased single-parent families One on One (Single dad and teenage daughter)

19. Changes in U.S. family structures Grey’s Anatomy • Increased cohabitation

20. Most unmarried partners: live in California, which accounts for 1 out of 8 of such households in the country. Alaska is number two. Least unmarried partners: The states with the lowest percentage of opposite-sex unmarried partners were Utah at 4% and Alabama5%

21. Why people aren’t getting married? 1.Marriage must now compete with alternatives such as school career living with a partner having children outside of marriage self-fulfillment. 2. Most Americans still want to marry, but have less of a need to do so. 3. Most want children, but also value other uses of their time and money. 4. Many are indecisive about marriage, drawn by its promise of intimacy and fearful of its commitments and constraints.

22. Changes in U.S. family structures Friends • Older age at 1st marriage Sex and The City

23. Changes in structures of U.S. families: Older age at 1st marriage U.S. men and women are staying single longer

24. Changes in U.S. family structures 14% of U.S. married couples never have children. Why? • Delayed childbearing • Expenses • Career focus • Unstable relationships • Inability to have children

25. Changes in structures of U.S. families: Delayed childbearing • Today 1 in 5 women are having their first baby after age 35 What are positive and negative aspects of this change?

26. Changes in U.S. family structures The Willis Family from the TV Show The Jeffersons • Increased interracial families

27. Changes in U.S. family structures About one in five children is cared for in day care centers. What are positive and negative aspects of this change? Nannies have become popular among upper-middle class parents. What are positive and negative aspects of this change? • Increased employment of married mothers Cosby Show

28. Increase in the number of children being raised by grandparents Changes in U.S. family structures According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2002 report, there are more than 6.5 million children who are being raised by grandparents or other relatives instead of by their parents.

29. Other changes U.S. family structure • Increased births to unmarried women • Fewer children with married parents • Increase in families with same-sex parents • Increase in families with adopted children

30. Unhealthy relationships Break The Cycle

31. Cycle of Violence Three phases: • Tension building • Explosion • Honeymoon TIMING: Each phase can be as short as a few seconds, or as long as several years. Over time, the explosions can become more violent and dangerous.

32. Cycle of Violence Tension Building · Abuser starts fights or yells for no reason· Victim feels like they can’t do anything right, things could blow up at any moment. Explosion Outburst include intense emotional, verbal, sexual and/or physical abuse. · Physically abuse-hitting, kicking, slamming against wall, etc. · Scream and yell · Humiliate Honeymoon Abuser apologizes, try to make up, try to shift the blame for the explosion to someone or something else. · Says “I love you.” · Promises that it will never happen again. · Buys flowers or other gifts. · Says victim did something to cause the abuse or blames it on other things, like being drunk or stressed out.

33. Resources www.breakthecycle.org www.thesafespace.org (866) 331-9474

34. Warning Signs There are abusive behaviors often overlooked that can be early indicators that your relationship is headed in the wrong direction. • Extreme jealousy • Constant put-downs • Telling you what you can and can’t do • Financial Control • Possessiveness or controlling behavior • Making false accusations • Isolation from family and friends • History of abusive behavior, especially against a former dating partner • Big mood swings • Explosive temper • Belief that abuse is acceptable in relationships

35. Young people face unique obstacles if they decide to get help What prevents youth from getting help? • Recognizing abuse in a relationship is difficult, but especially for teens. • There are many types of abuse that teens often believe are not abusive or are normal in a relationship. • Unlike many adults, teens may not have money, transportation, or safe places to go. • They may have concerns about lack of confidentiality in police reports • In some states, teens may not apply for restraining or protective orders and get domestic violence services without the presence of a parent or guardian.

36. What can be done? • Solution: Education • Prevention • Program’s like Break the Cycle’s education program teach young people about • warning signs of domestic violence • what healthy relationships look like • their rights under the law

37. Next week: Due: A#8. Read article and type reflection. Misconceptions About Islam posted on the course website Type half a page to one page describing your personal reflection -What 3 points stood out to you most? If you have questions they can be included as well Quiz 3 next week

38. What type of relationship is valued in US culture? Egalitarian relationship: Power and authority are shared equally by both partners

39. Types of Abuse Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in a dating or domestic relationship. This abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal or emotional, or a combination of some or all of these. Physical Abuseis any intentional unwanted contact with the victim’s body by either the abuser or an object within the abuser’s control. Physical abuse does not have to leave a mark or bruise. It doesn’t even need to hurt. It includes the following behaviors: • Scratching • Punching • Biting • Kicking • Throwing something • Pulling hair • Choking • Pushing • Using a weapon • Slapping • Shoving

40. Types of Abuse Sexual Abuseis any sexual behavior that is unwanted or interferes with the victim’s right to say “no” to sexual advances. It includes the following behaviors: • Rape • Unwanted kissing or touching • Forcing the victim to go further than they want (even if they have had sex before) • Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity • Not letting the victim use birth control or protection against sexually transmitted diseases

41. Types of Abuse Verbal/Emotional Abuseis anything that the abuser says or does to the victim that causes the victim to be afraid, lowers the victim's self esteem, or manipulates or controls the victim’s feelings or behavior. It includes the following behaviors: • Name-calling and put-downs • Yelling and screaming • Intentionally embarrassing the victim in front of other people • Keeping the victim from seeing or talking with friends and family • Telling the victim what to do • Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate, or humiliate the victim. • Making the victim feel responsible for the violence • Stalking • Threatening to commit suicide in order to manipulate the victim • Threats of violence and harm, or to expose the victim’s secrets (such as sexual orientation or immigration status), or to take away the victim’s children

42. Warning Signs There are abusive behaviors often overlooked that can be early indicators that your relationship is headed in the wrong direction. • Extreme jealousy • Constant put-downs • Telling you what you can and can’t do • Financial Control • Possessiveness or controlling behavior • Making false accusations • Keeping you from seeing or talking with family and friends • History of abusive behavior, especially against a former dating partner • Big mood swings • Explosive temper • Belief that abuse is acceptable in relationships

43. Questions to ask Think about how you have felt since you started dating the person you are with. Since our relationship began, have I: • Felt guilty or bad about yourself because of something that happened between you and your partner? • Felt nervous or worried often without knowing why? • Felt “out of control” when I was around my partner? • Felt sad and worthless after something that happened in our relationship? • Had a hard time doing things that were easy to do before, like talking with friends, going to school, or doing chores because of my sadness? • Had body pains, such as stomachaches or headaches, when I thought about things that happened in our relationship? • Stopped enjoying the company of family and friends, preferring instead to be alone or just with my partner? Stopped enjoying activities that I used to like? • Used smoking, alcohol, or drugs to handle what was happening in our relationship? • Used alcohol or drugs because my partner threatened or forced me to? • Tried to control my weight using laxatives or diet pills because my partner wanted me to lose weight? • Gone to the emergency room for something in your relationship? • Worried that I was pregnant or had an STI from not being able to use condoms or birth control with my partner? • Felt at any time that my sex-life was out of my control? • Considered or attempted suicide?

44. Teen Dating Violence on the Rise Break the Cycle client and abuse survivor, Jessica, shares her story in a media piece that provides background for the California State Bill AB589 introduced by Assembly member Lloyd Levine along with California Women’s Law Center, Break the Cycle and Peace Over Violence. The bill was designed to expand California Education Code 32282 to mandate that high schools respond to incidents of sexual assault, rape, physical and verbal assault and intimidation between students on campus. Specifically, campus police and security would be required to respond to violations of protective or restraining orders occurring on school grounds View Her Story

45. Legislation Failed: AB589: Teen Dating Violence (Levine) FAILED PASSAGE in Assembly Appropriations Committee on February 1, 2008. Would address teen dating violence in the public schools, requiring training for school professionals and providing protections and resource referrals to victims. Passed: SB 1441 - Domestic Violence Victims Services (Kuehl)SIGNED into law on July 15, .This provides that a victim of domestic violence or abuse has the right to have a domestic violence counselor and a support person of his or her choosing present at any interview by law enforcement authorities, district attorneys or defense attorneys, as specified, and shall be notified orally or in writing by the attending law enforcement authority or district attorney of that right prior to the commencement of an initial interview.

46. The Solution: Education • Prevention • Program’s like Break the Cycle’s preventive education program teach teens about • warning signs of domestic violence • what healthy relationships look like • their rights under the law • Break the Cycle has reached more than 100,000 young people with this evidence-based program, helping youth recognize that they have the right to safe and healthy relationships. What can be done?

47. The Solution: Activism Activism programs engage and train people to raise awareness about dating violence among youth and adults Safe Place Break The Cycle Liz Claiborne-Love Not Abuse The Los Angeles Times Family Fund National Resource Center on Domestic Violence Silent Tears The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US is: 800-799-7233, or 1-866-331-9474 What can be done?

48. The Solution: Advocacy • Advocacy & Intervention: • Fosters systemic change through awareness and intervention services. • Helping communities build the knowledge and tools they need to appropriately respond to youth experiencing dating violence. • Improving the systems, policies and procedures that impact the care and services provided to youth affected by this problem. • Training the adults nationwide who first respond to youth in crisis, • Providing a meeting place and exhaustive resources for teens seeking information and support. • Proving a place where youth can ask confidential and specific questions online and over the phone. • Guidance for youth dealing with legal system and assistance in finding appropriate support in their local community. What can be done?

49. The Solution: Advocacy Raising awareness through art and poetry: Los Angeles artist and activist Stacy White held a live art showcase and theatre performance at her college campus. What can be done?

50. Read the poems written by teenagers • Think about it: What advice does the poem give to other teenagers? • Work in groups of 3. Each person in the group should have a different poem. Read your assigned poem to group members. • Tell them what you think is the most striking/important line in the poem. • Discuss: How can poetry be used to empower youth? • Should schools play an active role in educating teenagers about domestic violence? What can be done?