Conflict Resolution Skills for Global Village Team and Youth Leaders

1. Conflict Resolution Skills for Global Village Team and Youth Leaders Global Village and Youth Leadership Conference Chicago, IL October 16-18, 2009

2. Learning Objectives • After completing this workshop, you will • recognize and understand the causes and dynamics of many conflict situations, • be able to describe five options for responding to conflict, • know that responding effectively to conflict involves your a) mindset about conflict, b) your communication skills, and c) a process that addresses the issues in the conflict situation, and • have practiced some of the skills and process to use in effectively resolving conflict C o n f l i c t

3. Typical Responses to Conflict D I E Deny Ignore Evade

4. Definition of Conflict Conflict exists when two or more people have different perspectives, positions or opinions regarding an issue or matter in which they each have an interest.

5. Four Ns of Conflict • Neutral • Normal • Natural • Necessary

6. Sources of Conflict • Position vs. Interest • Differences in Perceptions • Differences in Motivations • Differences in Work and/or Communications Style

7. Stage 1 – Everyday Irritating Event • Feelings about the situation • Focus is on Behavior of other person • May or may not respond outwardly • May or may not talk TO the other Person • Stage 2 – Challenging Situation • Start to take a Position toward the Person • Focus is on the other Person • Likely will talk ABOUT the other Person • May or may not respond outwardly • Stage 3 – Battle • Likely will seek comrades in the fight • No communication between parties • Desire to Punish the other Person Dynamics of a Conflict Situation

8. Specific Examples of conflict situations, given our definition, in an Affiliate, on a Global Village Team, or in a Campus Chapter or other Youth Program?

9. Line Exercise

10. Choices for Resolving Conflict Collaborate Accommodate High Compromise Relationship Withdraw Defeat Low Low Substance High Adapted from NSP

11. Communication Skills in Conflict How do people who are in conflict typically communicate with each other? What do they do that blocks communication?

12. Communication Skills in Conflict “Words should not be walls. Words are gestures. Words are offerings. I’ve tried to use (words) not against the human condition, but for humankind, not to separate people but to bring them together.” Elie Weisel Nobel Peace Prize Winner

13. Communication Skills in Conflict Communication Skills for Global Village Team and Youth Leaders: Listening to Understand Summarizing/Paraphrasing Asking Clarifying Questions Reflecting Feelings Validating Probing for Needs Reframing Needs Assessment Questions

14. Communication Activity • Pair up with someone you don’t know • In 7 seconds, decide who is “A” and who is “B” • Select a topic from the following list that the two of you disagree on: (or are willing to disagree on) $700 Billion bailout/rescue package Use of marijuana for medical reasons Driving a car while talking on a cell phone The value of Reality TV shows Elective Cosmetic surgery War in Iraq Paper v. Plastic Jon and Kate Plus 8: should the ‘show go on’

15. Communication Activity • Summarize/Paraphrase • If you were going to ask a clarifying question, what would it sound like? • If you chose to reflect the feelings of the speaker, what would you say? • What would a probing question be that would take you deeper into the conversation with your speaker? • What does it mean to Reframe? How does it sound? Reframing does four important things to shift the focus of a conversation: • from the Target to the Speaker • from the Negative to the Positive • from the Position to the Interest • from the Past to the Future • What would be some Needs Assessment questions you might ask, if you wanted to understand the speaker’s needs concerning the issue?

16. Negotiating – the Key to Resolving Conflict Zax in the Prairie of Prax & Trees Exercise

17. Principles for Resolving Conflict 1. Separate the Person from the Problem a. Perceptions b. Emotions c. Communication from Getting to Yes, by Roger Fisher and William Ury

18. Principles for Resolving Conflict • Perceptions • The Person IS the Problem • Based on Beliefs • Foundation of the “Position” • Difficult to change • Examples of Negative Perceptions

19. Principles for Resolving Conflict b. Emotions Parties may feel strongly Intellect and Emotion Venting Emotion Intellect

20. Principles for Resolving Conflict 2. Focus on Interests, not Positions • Positional bargaining is win/lose • Behind opposed positions, are shared/compatible interests • Interests are based on Needs • In conflict, your role is to uncover the interests

21. Uncovering Interests Chris Lewis, the Campus Chapter Construction Committee chair, says in a planning meeting, “This chapter needs to put more focus on building with the affiliate and not spend so much time on education; they’ll learn about Habitat as they build.” What is Chris Lewis’ position?

22. Uncovering Interests Terry Clark, the Education Committee chair, responds, “It’s only by educating the students and community about the mission of Habitat that they will get involved. Then they can build if that’s what they want to do.” What is Terry Clark’s position?

23. Uncovering Interests Two groups: Group 1: In your group, come up with what questions you could ask Chris Lewis, to uncover his/her interests? Group 2: In your group, come up with what questions you could ask Terry Clark, to uncover his/her interests?

24. Principles for Resolving Conflict 3. Invent Options for Mutual Gain Create Options which meet the Needs No single solution Brainstorm – create first, then evaluate options

25. Resolving Conflict Effectively Three things are necessary: • Mindset about Conflict • Effective Communication Skills • Use an Effective Process

26. (A. I. R. it out! is a 3 step collaborative process that gives persons in dispute an opportunity to resolve the conflict in a way that meets the needs of all concerned; it addresses both the substantive and relationship issues involved) • Before you “air it out” – PREPARE to A. I. R. it out! • What is known? What is not known? • What is your contribution? • What are some effective ways to communicate? • What do I really want/need out of this? • What might they want/need out of this? • What are some ways we both might get what we want/need? • What is a good time to meet and talk? • What do I want to be the outcome of this meeting? To Resolve Conflict: A. I. R. it out!

27. A. I. R. it out! A • Address the issue – conscious decision • Approach the person, Address by name • Assume an Attitude of respect • Ask if it is a good time to talk • Allow the other person to respond

28. A. I. R. it out! I • Inform them of how you see the situation: who, what, when, where, how • (Orange Story) • Inform them of your INTERESTS – • “I Statements” – use clear communication (see handout) • Inquire about how they see the situation: who, what, when, where, how • Inquire about their INTERESTS • Invent OPTIONS – brainstorm

29. A. I. R. it out! R • Review options developed • Reach consensus on a Resolution • develop an implementation plan • be specific • record the agreement (optional, but valuable) • Restore the RELATIONSHIP • offer an apology, if needed • ask for forgiveness • offer forgiveness • or, if no acceptable option is found • Reframe the issues/meet again later, perhaps with a third party, i.e. mediator • Respectfully agree to disagree it out!

30. When there is a Conflict, don’t D. I. E., A. I. R. it out!