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Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Education

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Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Education e-mail: [email protected] Critical Tools for Constructive Classrooms. Understanding Needs Based Conflict Positive Discipline Conflict Styles Collaborative Negotiation.

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Basics of Conflict ManagementCRETE Day 2 TrainingTricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Educatione-mail: [email protected]
critical tools for constructive classrooms
Critical Tools for Constructive Classrooms
  • Understanding Needs Based Conflict
  • Positive Discipline
  • Conflict Styles
  • Collaborative Negotiation
basic needs
Basic Needs
  • Love and Belonging
  • Power
  • Freedom
  • Fun
  • Safety
appropriate and inappropriate methods
Appropriate and Inappropriate Methods
  • Kids have appropriate and inappropriate ways to get their needs met.
  • Around the room are flip charts with the needs listed.
  • Grab a marker and write on the charts both appropriate and inappropriate things you see kids do to meet this need.
discipline versus punishment
PUNISHMENT

Immediate response

Stops a behavior

Demeaning, humiliating, physically painful, or about exerting adult power/control/authority

No long-term, positive effect

DISCIPLINE

Immediate or no response

Stops or ignores the behavior

Respects the importance of the relationship with the child

Teaches or reinforces skills that have a long-term, positive effect

Discipline Versus Punishment
tools for positive discipline
Tools for Positive Discipline
  • Use Firm limits Language
  • Use Encouraging Messages
  • Develop Logical Consequences
    • Related
    • Reasonable
    • Consistent
  • Use Responsibility Planning
dealing with the angry child
Dealing with the Angry Child
  • Understand the “Desperation Cycle”
  • Follow Guidelines for Deescalating
  • Remember “Aftermath” is important
desperation cycle
Desperation Cycle
  • Child is unable to communicate and becomes more desperate
  • Child acts out feelings through behavior instead of words
  • Child feels shame, anger or guilt, leading to more desperation
  • Adult gets emotional and may react in counterproductive ways
  • Implementing punishment increases guilt or resentment, increasing child’s desperation
breaking the desperation cycle
Breaking the Desperation Cycle
  • 1. Make it private! Remove other people.
  • 2. Distract them (music, food, drink)
  • 3. Help child communicate feelings – ask
  • 4. Use active listening skills (SOLER, APQA) to LISTEN
    • silence is your friend
  • 5. Respect child’s need for space
  • 6. Maintain calm demeanor
the nature of conflict
The Nature of Conflict
  • Conflict is “a disagreement between two or more people who have differences in goals or methods for dealing with a situation”
    • Normal
    • Natural
    • Necessary
functional and dysfunctional conflict
Functional (helpful or constructive)

Open

Honest

Calm

Focused

Flexible

Energizing

Creative

Dysfunctional (not helpful or destructive)

Closed

Deceitful

Tense

Proliferation

Rigid

Draining

Stupifying

Functional and Dysfunctional Conflict
conflict styles
Conflict Styles
  • Conflict styles are the predominant ways that people deal with conflict.
  • Most people rely on one or two styles that are often defined by emphasis on concern for the self or concern for the other.
  • The goal of an effective conflict manager is to be able to use any conflict style when the situation demands.
conflict styles1
Conflict Styles
  • Five Styles of Conflict

Competing

Collaborating

Concern

for Self

Compromising

Accommodating

Avoiding

Concern for Other

thomas and kilmann s styles
Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
  • Avoiding: Avoidance can be either physical and/or psychological
  • Accommodating: meeting the needs of the other person but ignoring your own needs.
thomas and kilmann s styles1
Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
  • Competing: a win-lose orientation in which you try to maximize your gains
  • Compromising: “Split the Difference”
  • Collaborating: Problem-solving style in which the parties work together against the problem.
when each style is the best
When Each Style is the Best
  • Avoiding
    • When the issue is trivial to you
    • When there is no long-term relationship
    • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance
  • Competing
    • When the other will be very competitive
    • When important others expect you to compete
    • AND when the stakes are high
when each style is the best1
When Each Style is the Best
  • Accommodating
    • When the issue is trivial to you
    • When harmony in the relationship is all important
    • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance
    • When you want to build trust in the other by demonstrating a protection of their interests
  • Compromising
    • When there are truly finite resources
    • When there are no means to increase the divisible resources
when each style is the best2
When Each Style is the Best
  • Collaborating
    • When the issue is complex and requires creativity
    • When there is a long-term relationship
    • When their implementation of the decision is necessary
principled negotiation
Principled Negotiation
  • Scholars from the Harvard Negotiation Project have suggested ways of dealing with negotiation from a cooperative and interest-based perspective. They call this approach “principled negotiation” because it rests on four assumptions or principles.
separate the people from the problem
Separate the People From the Problem
  • As you identify the problem, make sure you can distinguish between the issues to be solved and the people involved. Try to:
    • understand their perceptions
    • monitor their emotions
    • communicate effectively
focus on interests not positions
Focus on Interests NOT Positions
  • A position is a tangible outcome that someone argues for. An interest is the reason why that outcome is desired and an underlying concern about the problem.
      • there are usually multiple interests for any issue
      • you don’t have to have common interests to find a solution that meets them all
      • the more you understand your interests and the other party’s interests, the better able you are to find a solution or solutions that will produce mutual and lasting satisfaction.
invent options for mutual gain brainstorm
Invent Options for Mutual Gain - Brainstorm
  • This is a process of creating as many solutions as possible BEFORE you evaluate them to decide which are the best options.
  • Otherwise, good ideas never have a chance to be suggested and discussed because people are too busy arguing over the first ideas introduced.
find good criteria
Find Good Criteria
  • Choosing a good solution or solutions (remember you can have more than one), depends on making sure that the criteria for solutions are considered legitimate by the parties. The criteria come from
    • interests already identified by the parties, especially common interests shared by all parties
    • external rules or policies that must be followed
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