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Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Education

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Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Education e-mail: [email protected] Critical Tools for Constructive Classrooms. Understanding Needs Based Conflict Positive Discipline Conflict Styles Collaborative Negotiation.

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Basics of Conflict ManagementCRETE Day 2 TrainingTricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Educatione-mail: [email protected]
critical tools for constructive classrooms
Critical Tools for Constructive Classrooms
  • Understanding Needs Based Conflict
  • Positive Discipline
  • Conflict Styles
  • Collaborative Negotiation
basic needs
Basic Needs
  • Love and Belonging
  • Power
  • Freedom
  • Fun
  • Safety
appropriate and inappropriate methods
Appropriate and Inappropriate Methods
  • Kids have appropriate and inappropriate ways to get their needs met.
  • Around the room are flip charts with the needs listed.
  • Grab a marker and write on the charts both appropriate and inappropriate things you see kids do to meet this need.
discipline versus punishment

Immediate response

Stops a behavior

Demeaning, humiliating, physically painful, or about exerting adult power/control/authority

No long-term, positive effect


Immediate or no response

Stops or ignores the behavior

Respects the importance of the relationship with the child

Teaches or reinforces skills that have a long-term, positive effect

Discipline Versus Punishment
tools for positive discipline
Tools for Positive Discipline
  • Use Firm limits Language
  • Use Encouraging Messages
  • Develop Logical Consequences
    • Related
    • Reasonable
    • Consistent
  • Use Responsibility Planning
dealing with the angry child
Dealing with the Angry Child
  • Understand the “Desperation Cycle”
  • Follow Guidelines for Deescalating
  • Remember “Aftermath” is important
desperation cycle
Desperation Cycle
  • Child is unable to communicate and becomes more desperate
  • Child acts out feelings through behavior instead of words
  • Child feels shame, anger or guilt, leading to more desperation
  • Adult gets emotional and may react in counterproductive ways
  • Implementing punishment increases guilt or resentment, increasing child’s desperation
breaking the desperation cycle
Breaking the Desperation Cycle
  • 1. Make it private! Remove other people.
  • 2. Distract them (music, food, drink)
  • 3. Help child communicate feelings – ask
  • 4. Use active listening skills (SOLER, APQA) to LISTEN
    • silence is your friend
  • 5. Respect child’s need for space
  • 6. Maintain calm demeanor
the nature of conflict
The Nature of Conflict
  • Conflict is “a disagreement between two or more people who have differences in goals or methods for dealing with a situation”
    • Normal
    • Natural
    • Necessary
functional and dysfunctional conflict
Functional (helpful or constructive)








Dysfunctional (not helpful or destructive)








Functional and Dysfunctional Conflict
conflict styles
Conflict Styles
  • Conflict styles are the predominant ways that people deal with conflict.
  • Most people rely on one or two styles that are often defined by emphasis on concern for the self or concern for the other.
  • The goal of an effective conflict manager is to be able to use any conflict style when the situation demands.
conflict styles1
Conflict Styles
  • Five Styles of Conflict




for Self




Concern for Other

thomas and kilmann s styles
Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
  • Avoiding: Avoidance can be either physical and/or psychological
  • Accommodating: meeting the needs of the other person but ignoring your own needs.
thomas and kilmann s styles1
Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
  • Competing: a win-lose orientation in which you try to maximize your gains
  • Compromising: “Split the Difference”
  • Collaborating: Problem-solving style in which the parties work together against the problem.
when each style is the best
When Each Style is the Best
  • Avoiding
    • When the issue is trivial to you
    • When there is no long-term relationship
    • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance
  • Competing
    • When the other will be very competitive
    • When important others expect you to compete
    • AND when the stakes are high
when each style is the best1
When Each Style is the Best
  • Accommodating
    • When the issue is trivial to you
    • When harmony in the relationship is all important
    • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance
    • When you want to build trust in the other by demonstrating a protection of their interests
  • Compromising
    • When there are truly finite resources
    • When there are no means to increase the divisible resources
when each style is the best2
When Each Style is the Best
  • Collaborating
    • When the issue is complex and requires creativity
    • When there is a long-term relationship
    • When their implementation of the decision is necessary
principled negotiation
Principled Negotiation
  • Scholars from the Harvard Negotiation Project have suggested ways of dealing with negotiation from a cooperative and interest-based perspective. They call this approach “principled negotiation” because it rests on four assumptions or principles.
separate the people from the problem
Separate the People From the Problem
  • As you identify the problem, make sure you can distinguish between the issues to be solved and the people involved. Try to:
    • understand their perceptions
    • monitor their emotions
    • communicate effectively
focus on interests not positions
Focus on Interests NOT Positions
  • A position is a tangible outcome that someone argues for. An interest is the reason why that outcome is desired and an underlying concern about the problem.
      • there are usually multiple interests for any issue
      • you don’t have to have common interests to find a solution that meets them all
      • the more you understand your interests and the other party’s interests, the better able you are to find a solution or solutions that will produce mutual and lasting satisfaction.
invent options for mutual gain brainstorm
Invent Options for Mutual Gain - Brainstorm
  • This is a process of creating as many solutions as possible BEFORE you evaluate them to decide which are the best options.
  • Otherwise, good ideas never have a chance to be suggested and discussed because people are too busy arguing over the first ideas introduced.
find good criteria
Find Good Criteria
  • Choosing a good solution or solutions (remember you can have more than one), depends on making sure that the criteria for solutions are considered legitimate by the parties. The criteria come from
    • interests already identified by the parties, especially common interests shared by all parties
    • external rules or policies that must be followed