time in when time out doesn t work by jean illsley clarke edited for presentation by meg buonforte n.
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Time-In: When Time Out Doesn’t Work By Jean Illsley Clarke edited for presentation by Meg Buonforte. Ask Attend Act Amend. Why Not Time - Out?. When time - out is viewed as punishment: Child may use the time to fuel blame, and anger at the parent

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time in when time out doesn t work by jean illsley clarke edited for presentation by meg buonforte

Time-In: When Time Out Doesn’t WorkBy Jean Illsley Clarke edited for presentation by Meg Buonforte

AskAttend

ActAmend

why not time out
Why Not Time - Out?
  • When time - out is viewed as punishment:
    • Child may use the time to fuel blame, and anger at the parent
    • Child may use the time to figure out ways to get even with the parent or someone else
why not time out1
Why Not Time - Out?
  • When time - out is viewed as punishment:
    • Child may be encouraged to disconnect
    • Child may decide that he has to obey parent to avoid punishment and refuse to obey when the threat of time-out is gone
time in
Time –In
  • Time-in is not a single discipline tool

It has 4 ways to solve the puzzle of discipline:

AttendAct

AmendAsk

benefits of the 4 tools
Benefits of the 4 Tools:
  • Child sees him/herself as responsible and successful
  • Child understands that rules are for her welfare and the welfare of the family
  • Child feels that he is a contributing member of the family
slide7
Ask
  • Ask questions a child can answer

Keep it simple

  • Ask questions that don’t end in okay
  • Ask questions you don’t know the answer to
  • Ask teaching questions

what would happen if…

slide8
Act
  • Your actions should challenge your child to think and respond
  • Act to reinforcea rule or an expected behavior
  • Act to get a child’s attention when other methods of discipline have not worked
  • Act to redirect activity or to interrupt misbehavior
attend
Attend
  • Attending means you are aware of what is going on in the child’s world
  • Attend to the hurt child first
  • Attend to the rules that are constantly broken
  • Attend to a child’s needs and developmental level
amend
Amend
  • Amends are not about pain but it is okay if your child experiences discomfort.
  • Making amends can help your child get past shame
  • Amends should help the child become a better person
  • Amends should be related to the problem
amends
Amends
  • Amends should be satisfactory to the victim
  • Amends should be reasonable and not produce resentment on parent’s part
  • Amends should support family values
  • Amender must put forth effort
what else can a parent do
What Else Can a Parent Do?
  • First: refocus on your own values
  • Think about what you really

want for your child

  • Ask yourself “Is this what my discipline is teaching?”
what else can a parent do1
What Else Can a Parent Do?
  • Second: check yourself to see if you are giving conflicting messages
  • Conflicting messages create double binds
  • Never smile when a child misbehaves
what else can a parent do2
What Else Can a Parent Do?
  • Third: Remember you are an important influence on your child’s life

-Volunteer at your child’s school

-Become a cub scout/girl scout leader

  • Stand up to negative influences

-Write a letter to a television station

-Write your congressman

what else can a parent do3
What Else Can a Parent Do?
  • Fourth: ATTEND to yourself as well as your child
    • Take a deep breath and summon the

courage to parent well

    • Get regular exercise and eat right
    • Lower the noise level in your home
    • Turn off the T.V.
    • Get a babysitter and take time-out
always remember
ALWAYS REMEMBER
  • Parents are responsible for the discipline process.
  • Children are responsible for the outcome.
stay connected with your child
Stay connected with your child

And remember YOU are your child’s best gift.

Celebrate that!

stay connected to your child and remember you are your child s best gift celebrate that
Stay connected to your child and remember- you are your child’s best gift.Celebrate that!

For more parenting information contact the Parents as Teachers Program near you or call800-839-7444