What to Do If Your Sex Drives Don't Match Up

1. What to Do If Your Sex Drives Don't Match Up

2. Intro We’ve all heard the stories (often on TV shows or in those newspaper columns) – ‘my husband/wife/partner/significant other never wants to have sex’. There’s lots of reasons that we just aren’t interested in sex at any given time. It may be that we are tired, have had a bad day, are feeling under the weather or simply just aren’t feeling very sexy. But another common problem is that the sex drives of the two people simply don’t match up. So, what can you do if this is your problem?

3. Don’t take it personally If you are the one with the higher sex drive, don’t take it personally if your partner is less interested. It can seem like some kind of rejection, but it isn’t that they aren’t interested in you or don’t find you attractive, it is just that their bodies are telling them that they aren’t into sex at the moment. Empathy is very important in these situations, imagine how they feel as well as how you feel – they feel awkward, embarrassed, even inadequate because they aren’t interested in the way you are.

4. Try a different approach Sometimes the classic ‘let’s have sex’ approach just doesn’t do it for some people. For women, many find that they need a feeling of closeness and almost friendship before they start to feel turned on. This means doing more than just propositioning her in the bedroom – it might mean leaving little notes of affection, bringing her breakfast in bed or just calling her during the day to check in. For women who are the higher sex drive partner, try to put yourself in their shoes and praise them, let them feel your love and not just your disappointment at their disinterest.

5. Do something different We tend to fall into roles in our lives quite easily. You hint about sex, your partner ignores you, so you try to initiate something, and they turn over or leave the room. Everyone feels uncomfortable and unhappy. So why not try to do something different. There are lots of approaches to this – you would be the one who specifically doesn’t start the sex conversation or initiates anything and let your partner be the one to do it. You could also switch the emphasis onto other areas of life and other things you do together so that it doesn’t seem to be all about sex.

6. Look at what works Look back to times when your sex life was better and see what worked then. Maybe you used to enjoy playing with adult sex toys but you stopped when the kids came along because you didn’t want to have to explain what they were. Sure, Odd sex toys laying around can raise questions in younger kids and embarrassing realisation in older ones. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have them and keep them out of reach, enjoying them when the kids are in bed or at a sleepover. Whatever used to work, trying to repeat it to see if it works now.

7. Don’t make every touch about sex It is easy for a partner to see every touch as a way to initiate sex and therefore not want any kind of contact for fear of this. However, if you want to make sure there is lots of contact between the two of you that has nothing to do with sex, this problem can ease. A hug, holding hands while walking around the shops, a kiss as you go out to work, these are all little touches that show affection and love without being connected to sex in any way.

8. Find out what they need People who have naturally low sex drives can still enjoy sex if they understand themselves and their partner does the same. For example, men’s testosterone levels peak in the morning but women’s peak on an evening. So, when a woman isn’t interested in morning sex, this isn’t a rejection it is just the way her body works. By acknowledging this and making an effort on an evening or morning (whatever is the opposite of your preference) you may find your partner enjoys the whole experience much more.

9. Talk about it No problem goes away by ignoring it – the whole elephant in the room cliché is there for a reason. So by talking about the issues, the concerns and the feelings involved with mismatched sex drives, you can start making progress in dealing with it. Don’t be the one who ignores the problem or won’t talk about it and even try to be the one that brings up the issue and wants to discuss it. you never know, by talking about it you might learn something about your partner that can help you both going forward to match up your sex drives and find something that works for you both. Pleasure Delights offers next day, sex toys delivery.