Writing: Micro Issues/Style

1. Writing: Micro Issues/Style

2. Objectives • By the conclusion of this discussion, you should be able to: • Write with the appropriate tone and style • Edit a document for tone, style and correctness • Feel comfortable writing business communications (letters, memos, etc.)

3. Tone Tone • Courteous & sincere • Confidence • Discriminatory and sexist language

4. Tone Write Confidently NOT: If you’d like to take advantage of this offer, call our toll-free number. NOT: I feel my qualifications match those you are looking for in a financial analyst.

5. Tone Discriminatory & Sexist Language The Northern Region Plant was the scene of a confrontation today when two ladies from the morning shift accused a foreman of sexual harassment. Marta Maria Valdez, a Hispanic inspector, and Margaret Sawyer, an assembly-line worker accused Mr. Engerrand of making suggestive comments. Mr. Engerrand, who is 62 years old and an epileptic, denied the charges and said he thought the girls were trying to cheat the company with their demand for cash award.

6. Job titles Chairman Salesman Workman Words that imply gender Best man for the job Executives and their wives Housewife Manmade manpower Neutral job titles Chair, chairperson Sales representative Worker, employee Words that do not imply gender Best person for the job Executives and their guests Artificial, manufactured Human resources, personnel Tone Discriminatory & Sexist Language

7. Tone Discriminatory & Sexist Language Avoid demeaning or stereotypical terms: NOT: My girl will handle it. NOT: Women don’t like football. NOT: Each nurse supplies her own uniform.

8. Tone: Discriminatory and Sexist Language Use Parallel Language NOT: Jed, a salesman, and his wife, a beautiful brunette.

9. Tone: Discriminatory and Sexist Language Use Appropriate Personal Titles • Mr. or Ms. • Gender neutral if unknown • i.e. Dear HR Professional • Rotate gender specific pronouns in writing • his, hers, he, she, him, her

10. Tone: Discriminatory and Sexist Language Revise the following sentences: • The mayor opened contract talks with the union representing local policeman. • While the salesman are at the convention, their wives will be treated to a tour of the city’s landmarks. • Our company gives each foreman the day off on his birthday. • Our public relations director, Heather Marshall, will ask her young secretary, Bonita Carwell, to take notes during the president’s speech. • Both Dr. Fernandez and his assistant, Andrea Lee-McNeill, attended the new-product seminar.

11. Style Style: Choosing the Right Words • Write clearly • Prefer short, simple words

12. Ascertain Endeavor Enumerate Fluctuate Indispensable Initiate Modification Termination Utilization Style: Choosing the Right Words Short Simple Words

13. Style Style: Choosing the Right Words • Write clearly • Prefer short, simple words • Be specific and concrete • Avoid clichés • Avoid slang and buzz words

14. Style: Choosing the Right Words Be Specific and Concrete NOT: Enclosed please find an application form that you should return at your earliest convenience. Words to Avoid: According to our records Needless to say Do not hesitate to For your information Please be advised that

15. Style Style: Choosing the Right Words Write Concisely • Avoid redundancy NOT: Signing both copies of the appraisal is a necessary requirement. NOT: Combine all the ingredients together to make the cookies.

16. Style Style: Choosing the Right Words Write Concisely • Avoid redundancy • Avoid wordy expressions • Avoid hidden verbs • Beware of linking verbs • Be verbs • Become, look, seem, appear, sound, feel

17. Style: Choosing the Right Words Write Concisely • Beware of linking verbs NOT: It sounds as if the timing was wrong on the last song. NOT:The student is unsuccessful because of poor test scores.

18. Style: Choosing the Right Words Write Concisely • Beware of impersonal openings NOT: It was understood by all the participants. NOT: There is not any more office space.

19. Style: Choosing the Right Words Write Concisely • Limit prepositions – no more than 4 per sentence Revise As we were walking to the union, we saw between the buildings something that looked like an alien in a space suit standing over a pile of books that were stacked up in the shape of a W.

20. Style: Choosing the Right Words Avoid Overlong Sentences • 20-25 words (average of 17) • Cut sentences over 40-50 • A sentence is too long anytime its length is confusing • Too many ideas • Hard to find main idea • Need sentence variety – rhythm and sequence

21. Style: Choosing the Right Words Sentence Variety • Simple ( one impendent clause) • Short • Active or passive voice • Emphasis and variety • Compound (two or more independent clauses) • Complex (one independent clause and at least one dependent clause) • Compound/complex(contains two or more independent clauses and one or more dependent clauses)

22. Style: Choosing the Right Words Identifying Sentences Types Golden Nugget will not purchase the 60-year-old Claridge Hotel, even though the $110 million asking price was not considered too high. The company had wanted some commitments from New Jersey regulators, which the regulators were unwilling to provide. However, some observers blame the cancellation on the weak Atlantic City economy. Golden Nugget lost money on its 1990 purchase of the Stake House in Las Vegas, and it does not want to repeat its mistake in Atlantic City.

23. Style: Choosing the Right Words Active and Passive Voice • Active - agent comes before the action • Use to avoid wordiness • Use to avoid formality • Use to place responsibility • Use to save the reader time • Passive – passive verb comes before the agent • Use to de-emphasize writer • Use to avoid responsibility • Use occasionally for transition and flow

24. Style: Choosing the Right Words Imperative Voice • Active voice, but don’t want to repeat the word “I” • Starts with an action verb • Used to give clear instructions or recommendations • Examples: • Print the report. • Call the recruiter. • Organize the files. • Clean the back room

25. Style: Choosing the Right Words Jargon • Use when: • Writing to people in your field • Writing in shorthand • Doesn’t hurt understanding • Avoid when: • Wordy way of saying something simple • Reader doesn’t understand

26. Style: Choosing the Right Words Prefer Positive Language NOT: We cannot ship your items until we receive your check. • Avoid negative sounding words: cannot, mistake, damage, failure, refuse, deny, etc. • Stress what is true and what can be done rather than what is not true and what cannot be done.

27. Style: Choosing the Right Words Prefer Positive Language • Revise the following signs often seen in stores: “No shirt, no shoes, no service.” “American Express cards not accepted.” “No returns without receipts.” “No smoking.” “No dogs allowed.”

28. Edit for Correctness • Check grammar • Check punctuation • Check spelling • Check word usage • Check for complete sentences • Check spacing • Check EVERYTHING!!!!

29. Conclusion • There are many issues to edit for to ensure your document has the proper tone and style. • Edit ruthlessly for correctness (grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc.) • Effective written business communication takes time, practice and effort.