What about Matching?

1. What about Matching? Matching for 1st 2nd and 3rd Gen

2. A Story of God’s Shimjungthe irrepressible emotional impuls of the heart that desires to feel joy through loving the object partner.

3. “The Blessing is the deciding factor of life and death.” CSG Page 1245

4. Original Substance of Divine Principle Absolut Sex Education The purpose of Creation. ( rev Yu)

5. 2. Good Object Partners for the Joy of God (1) God’s Works ＝ 4 Position Foundation Gen1:28 （3 Great Blessings） God’s Joy ＝ 4 Position Foundation The 3rd Great Blessing (Dominion over All things) （Perfection of dominion＝ Ideal World） God The 1st Great Blessing （Fruitful） （Individual Perfection ＝Perfection of Character) The 2nd Great Blessing （Multiply） （Family perfection＝Ideal Family） God God Oneness of BodyGod and man All Things Mind Man Man Woman （John 14:20） Temple(1Cor 3:16) Perfect(Mat 5:48) Man Children Ideal Divinity Shimjung World GoodPeople World of Goodness Life of Heaven (Education on rules) Kingdom of Heaven on Earth and in Heaven Cheon Il Guk Heavenly Person (ShimjungEducation) (Education of Skills,Knowledge, Physical Activity) (2) The great blessing amongst the 3 Great Blessings＝ Marriage Blessing （Inherit God’s True Love, True Life and True Lineage） Completion of the Realm of Liberation through fulfilling92 the Absolute sex Portion of Responsibility

6. The Family is the Basic Unit of Heaven ① Constituents： Parents・ Husband and Wife・Children （Brothers and sisters） ② Relationships （Up Down・Right Left・Front Behind） Parents (Grandparents) Elder brother Wife Husband Center(Core) Younger brother Children (Brothers and Sisters) ③ Unity of relationships（United body） True Love Center 93

7. ThedesireofMan’slife • Man’sdesireistofindthe Original Homeland • To find the lost Homeland • WhereistheHomelandIwasbornfrom? Man ― Woman Sperm (Seed) — Egg (Egg) Sexual Organs • The sperm feeds on the egg and the egg feeds on the sperm • The Original homeland is the place of True love The Sexual Organs 96

8. 「Reference 1」 Whatisthereasonformarriage? To become perfect (whole) ①To resemble the perfect God （before marriage, you are only half） ②To dominate God’s True Love ③To perfect love(Individual perfection) (Love is perfected through your partner) ④Your partner is the owner of your sexual organ To Perfect God and perfect the realm of liberation of Love The marriage of Adam and Eve ： God’s marriage The substantial appearance of God First Love ： God’s first love The point where God’s love and Man’s love meet ： The sexual organs Purpose for creating Man （ Be God’s body, object of love, multiply） To multiply God’s True Love, True Life and True Lineage (Eternity) For the Safe Settlement of Peace and Unity for the True Parents of Heaven, Earth and Humankind （The Holy Marriage Blessing) Mind Multiply Body （Temple） Harmony God is the invisible Cosmic True Parents Adam and Eve are the visible Love Life Lineage Unity OneHeartOne BodyOneIdeal98Peace Cosmic True Parents

9. International, Interracial, North - South, East - West Blessing

11. What is God’s Point of View • First of all it is God’s Blessing and our Blessing. • God sees each Blessed Child as a new sinless Adam or Eve. They are to create God’s descendants, His lineage…and His ultimate ideal. • Your Husband or Wife is a gift from God through your parents. • God needs us all to protect the new lineage, maintain it, nurture it, and pioneer the heavenly family culture & traditions. Adam failed to protect Eve. (Role for dads to love and protect daughters. Role for moms to respect and protect sons.) • One couple after 300 years, 10 generations, with an average of 4 children per family = 1.4 million descendents

12. Importance of unity between the parents and equal ownership. • BOTH the father and mother have unique perspectives which are equally valuable and essential. But the father is always the subject and Gods representativ in the family. • If the parents are not united, it’s much more difficult for the children to feel a strong foundation and support for the matching. • Parents’ relationship and love for each other is the model for your children. They judge their parents against the ideal we espouse. • They decide to follow this way or not based on their parents (not D.P.). They need to be converted to the Divine Principle. • We are creating and pioneering the Traditions for the eternal Kingdom of Heaven (i.e. matching). We will make mistakes.

13. Comment on Parental Love • Children’s happiness is more important to parents than their own happiness. • Parents’ love for children means they would die for them. • In parents’ eyes the children can “do no wrong”. • CAUTION 1: Parents’ can’t always be trusted to have an unbiased perspective when describing their child. • CAUTION 2: Matching is very intense and emotional. • CAUTION 3: Don’t do it alone. And don’t do it in a vacuum (i.e. seek guidance, use reason not just inspiration, don’t make decisions under pressure.)

14. Getting Started • God started a long time ago working on the match for each of your children… Parents have the responsibility to guide them in this tradition and tell them from 10 years old at the latest that they will be matched. The average girl starts thinking about marriage around 12 or 13. The average boy probably not until at least 16, maybe 18 . • When to start. Start RIGHT NOW. • Study about matching and read testimonies. • Study Father’s words on matching. . Read the many matching testimonies ask your friends who matched their Children. • Decide a plan or a strategy as a couple. • Figure out what your couple believes about the matching process. Husband and wife need to take a lot of time together to discuss matching. Make sure you know what the ideal is that you are going to present to your children. Make a list of points to discuss about matching with your Blessed Child. Pray for guidance. Meet other couples and share with them a lot. Have others over for dinner. Be intentional.

15. Getting Started II • God’s guidance can come from any direction but you will never see it unless you are looking for it. • Lay a worthy foundation. • Be prepared. • Make it easier on God. Pray and study hard. Set aside serious time for this. This is serious. It requires a serious undisturbed time commitment. • Do “task oriented” conditions. Talkprivately with the Candidate a lot to properly prepare them. Ask them lots of questions to see what they are thinking. But do not nag. Boys like it short and to the point. • Expect misunderstandings. • Almost everyone reports (in private talks) how difficult it was to understand other families, that expectations went awry, their assumptions proved false and even disruptive, they had to overcome immense challenges. • What is “exchange marriage”? • God is looking at generations of descendants later, not at these two individuals and their idiosyncrasies. Have a “big view.”

16. Getting Started IIICommunicate, Communicate, Communicate • Plan several discussion sessions. Don’t rush it. Go over your list of points to discuss about matching. Get his/her opinions and preferences. Talk about trust in each other. Talk about faith in God and each other. Talk about commitment in relationships. What about confidentiality? • Talk to your child • Go out someplace away from home so this will be a strictly private discussion. No younger siblings should be allowed. Make this a special occasion in the child’s life. Take this seriously. There is no such thing as too much give and take. • Agree together how to proceed. • Talk about how to prepare yourselves as parents and how the Candidate should prepare him or herself. Decide on any conditions you want to do. Decide how you are going to work together with God. Are you going to ask God for signs? How are you going to decide on a match? Agree on guidelines within your family. Are you ready? How will you know? Talk to OTHER couples.

17. Getting Started: A Little Reassurance • Assume with confidence that God is going to work. Look for it. Or decide how you want to ask God to work. • God will probably work in the matching process in ways similar to ways he has always worked in your life. Some have dreams. Some have visions. Some relate to God by observations and signs, etc. • God absolutely wants to be involved. God is intimately involved already and more serious than you are. Let Him play His role. • God is obligated to be involved because (1) it was His original Principle of Creation that parents do this together with Him and (2) True Father has bequeathed the responsibility to parents and God must have agreed and must follow the Principle and support it. • CONCLUSION: Parents’ don’t have to MAKE the match, they just have to FIND the match already prepared by God.

18. Different Matching “Styles” • What is the functioning relationship in your family between parents and the Blessed Child (i.e. are they close and do they share a lot or not so much)? Are the parents totally subject in finding a match and the child will unite in faith? OR will they be talking and thoroughly discussing each candidate? OR is the child the one that will be the controlling factor (the “Subject”) in the search process? • Parents and child relationship (vertical) • Parents to other parents (horizontal) • The parents should deal with only one family at a time and thoroughly decide about that family before considering another candidate (sequential approach)? • Be sure to tell other couples when you first contact them about your “matching style”.

19. The Searching • Some parents wait until the child says, “I’m ready”. Others start the process before and inform the child that they are making contacts. • It could take years. • Start making contacts, connections, discuss it. • When to start the searching. • Contact your friends, church leaders, and local church parents to make people aware you are looking. Ask for suggestions and ideas. Think of other sources like older BC’s, matched couples, youth leaders, friends of your child, etc. Follow up on leads that may go several layers. Network. Follow your intuition. Everyone is unique and God works uniquely. My advice: DON’T BE PASSIVE. • Use of the website: www.sanctuaryblessedlife.org • Familiarize yourself with all the information on the matching website. Make a parent or candidate profile. Look over the candidates. I

20. The Searching II • Have a public heart for all Candidates.. • This is not a competition to get the best ones before they are all taken. • Don’t center exclusively on your own child. Want God’s will and happiness for the other couple and BC also. • Be patient. If you project a feeling of desperation, it’s a “turn-off”. • Pray for other BC’s. • Help other parents to find matches for their children before the time for your own. Try to have God’s point of view. Share with others.

21. Making initial contact • Keep it light. Get more serious gradually. • “Hello. We saw that your son/daughter is eligible to be matched. Is that still true?” “We might be interested to meet you/email you/talk on the phone to get to know your family better.” • Parents get to know each other besides focusing on the boy and girl. • It’s very important that the parents take time to get to know the other parents and family. Be sure you understand the practical reality of what you are getting into. Take it slow. Avoid rushing, especially if any one of the six is hesitating. • Remember the importance of husband and wife unity to “hear” from God. • God is very idealistic in matching. He does not see “fallen nature”.

22. Sealing the Deal • Once the parents believe they want to make the match and God agrees, then decide how to introduce it to the children. • In some cases, you may involve the young man and young lady earlier. • The parents of the young man can meet the young lady. The parents of the young lady can meet the young man. Conduct an “interview”. • The young man and young lady now must decide to accept the match and take 100% ownership. • Consider a “betrothal” time period before the formal matching. This is BEFORE any public announcement. • Once the young man and young lady are ready for full commitment, then have a public commitment ceremony to seal the match. • Celebrate. Involve families, friends. Vows and pledge. Songs. Holy wine.

23. Sample questions This should be expected. BC young ladys hopefully are not seductive. • Question: What if the young man doesn’t feel “physically attracted” to the young lady? Girls have been raised like “nuns” and taught to be a sister and not a potential date. Boys tend to be “visual” and are bombarded by images in the media, at school, and in society of sexually attractive girls. If boys are not educated differently, they will make the mistake of expecting to have a feeling of “physical attraction” for the girl. That is a fallen feeling and not from God. Boys should want to marry a girl like Mother Theresa if they want to be happy.

24. Love at first sight • Groningen in the Netherlands scientifically investigated the phenomenon to try and work out whether the common rom-com trope is real.( Independent.co.uk) • Disappointingly for the romantics amongst us, they concluded that what we often think is love at first sight is in fact more likely strong physical attraction.  • Researchers conducted their study on 396 participants, roughly 60 per cent of whom were women, most were heterosexual and the vast majority were young Dutch and German students. In an online survey, participants were asked questions about their current romantic relationship   • They were then shown pictures of various strangers and asked to rate their attraction to them, noting any feelings of love, including intimacy, passion, commitment and “eros”, which is measured by statements such as: “I feel that the person and I were meant for each other”. • They were also asked whether they were “experiencing love at first sight.”  • Two further studies were conducted which involved speed dating 30-60 min. • Taking the results of all the tests into consideration, 32 participants (most of whom were men) described 49 experiences of love at first sight. • However this was strongly linked to finding the other person incredibly physically attractive - with every point increase on the five-point attraction scale, a participant was nine times more likely to report love at first sight. 

25. Love at first sight? • There are 4 stages of male female intimacy. • Atttraction, Infatuation, Connection and Caretaking. • Attraction based on hormones called pheromones, but does Nature know whether the person you are turned on by is a wonderful person or a jerk. Infatuation is ‘lighter fluid love’ for a while it feels like a powerful love that will never go out but that kind of ‘love’ is temporary and changeable. One or both partner get bored and start looking for someone else. Connection is a deep level of bonding that accepts the other partner for who he or she really is. It seeks the wellbeing of the other not just what you want yourself. Caretaking the final stage the more you give this God Centered sacrificial love, parental love, the more love you feel.

26. Testimony by Fran Ichijo Certainly we are all breaking new ground in this era of CIG, but my husband and I never imagined that our son, who is “special needs”, could receive the Blessing even though in the backs of our minds we dreamed it. Our thinking had been so limited, but by the Grace of God and True Parents, events progressed where his matching became a possibility. The amazing thing is that when I was praying about the matching in general I felt God say to me “Don’t you know that I chose Kenji for Sonya from birth?” I had always felt that Kenji was our blessing disguised as a cross (because it has not been easy) but in reality God chose it this way for the sake of Sonya and to make a way for all handicapped people in history. How great is our Heavenly Father!! We realize through this experience that God has someone for EVERYONE!

27. A Time to Struggle. • Does each B.C. have ownership of the faith? • “I’m not really ready yet.” …Cold feet for young men. • All the First Generation were converts to Divine Principle, but Second Gens were born into the church and therefore at some point must decide in their own hearts to join the church and go this way. • Try to assure it takes place before the matching and not after. • Young men are confronted (maybe for the first time) with being a true subject i.e. having to take responsibility. • They are challenged with an eternal commitment. • They are challenged with an eternal responsibility for the lives of a wife and children.

28. A Time to Struggle. • BC might compare their mate to their own parent, compare their self to their parent in the role of spouse, or compare to some unspoken expectations. They may struggle withtheir new “in-laws”. • Your child will likely begin to notice flaws in his/her match after the initial joy subsides. Prepare for it. Expectations of romance from movies may appear which were unknown before. The family is the “School of Love” so each one “loves” according to his/her family experience. Young men might compare their match to their mothers. Young woman vice versa. “In-laws” become a big issue. Fantasies come out. • Spiritual attack will come - GUARANTEED. • We tend to forget about Satan, but Satan is still real. He hates Blessed Children and God’s lineage. He’ll use fallen nature and every doubt that arises as an opportunity to attack the match. Friends, neighbors, relatives, society, culture, school, etc. could all negatively influence.

29. What are you looking for? • Completely open to any matching vs. a prepared list of criteria • Will you be setting parameters for prospective spouses or will you seek to be open to any way that God might lead you? Think carefully about what “challenges” might come if you leave it entirely up to God. • “Exchange Marriage” vs. Known quantity. • Meaning of “Exchange Marriage” may be international or intercultural OR it may mean polar opposite personality types or family traditions (ex. vertical and horizontal) • Discuss with your young adult different scenarios or likelihoods if God leads you to an “exchange match”. Be real with them about challenges of married life. • Second Generation matches are STILL for restoration. Better prepare for every possibility so there are no false expectations. Even in God’s Kingdom, His ideal may continue to be that extremes make a good match.

30. Closing Thoughts • Not just two individuals are being matched…Two families are being matched. • The family “cultures” WILL be different…. Including husband-wife relationships, parenting styles, sibling relationships, attitudes toward Divine Principle, True Parents, “the church”, spiritual life…endlessly. • Celebrate and appreciate the differences. This is an “exchange marriage”. • Expect to be continuously involved FOREVER as parents. Just like Heavenly Father is always involved in our life

31. Why is Confession Good? by Jamal Johnson. 10 min. Video

32. Ruling 8 • What Constitutes a Fall? • Any sex outside a Blessed marriage is not ordained by God. Sex is determined as willful touching of another’s sexual organs, vaginal intercourse, anal, oral or otherwise even through clothing. This includes any and all forms of homosexual or lesbian sexual activity, Artificially Intelligent substitutes for humans, animals and any genetically modified biological living organisms. These constitute the Fall. Accidental touching, a medical examination and victims of sexual assault or rape are not the Fall. A second generation person who engages in any of these behaviors becomes a first generation person and needs to Take Holy Wine, Attend the Blessing. Do indemnity stick Ceremony. Do a 40 day separation condition and the 3-Day Ceremony. This Blessing must be done according to Unification Sanctuary standard. 

33. In Summary: A Story of God’s Love

34. God Bless You Good luck!!!!!!!