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ISLAMIC PARENTING. RAISING UPRIGHT CHILDREN. DALIL AL-QUR’AN. يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ … وَالْحِجَارَةُ

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islamic parenting

ISLAMIC PARENTING

RAISING UPRIGHT CHILDREN

Dr. Alizi Alias,

University of Gloucestershire

slide2
Dr. Alizi Alias,

University of Gloucestershire

dalil al qur an
DALIL AL-QUR’AN

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ …وَالْحِجَارَةُ

  • “Haiorang-orang yang beriman, peliharalahdirimudankeluargamudariapineraka yang bahanbakarnyaadalahmanusiadanbatu…”
  • Al-Tahrim 66: 6

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

tafsir
TAFSIR
  • 1. ‘Ali bin AbiThalibradhiyallaahu ‘anhuberkata, “Ajarkanlah agama kepadakeluarga kalian, danajarkan pula adab-adab Islam.”
  • 2. Qatadahrahimahullaahberkata, “Suruhkeluarga kalian untuktaatkepada Allah! Cegahmerekadariberbuatmaksiat! Hendaknyamerekamelaksanakanperintah Allah danbantulahmereka! Apabila kalian melihatmerekaberbuatmaksiyat, makacegahdanlaranglahmereka!”
  • 3. IbnuJarirath-Thabarirahimahullaahberkata: “Ajarkankeluarga kalian untuktaatkepada Allah ‘AzzawaJalla yang (halitu) dapatmenyelamatkandirimerekadariapiNeraka.”
  • 4. Imam asy-SyaukanimengutipperkataanIbnuJarir: “Wajibataskitauntukmengajarkananak-anakkitaDienul Islam (agama Islam), sertamengajarkankebaikandanadab-adab Islam.” 

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

dalil al qur an1
DALIL AL-QUR’AN
  • وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
  • Dan orangorang yang berkata: "YaTuhankami, anugrahkanlahkepadakamiisteri-isterikamidanketurunankamisebagaipenyenanghati (kami), danjadikanlahkami imam bagiorang-orang yang bertakwa.
  • Al-Furqan 25: 74

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

tafsir1
TAFSIR
  • 1. Ikrimah: Orang2 ygberimantidakmengharapkanAllah mengurniakanmerekaisteri-isteridananak-cuculawaatauberpangkat, tetapiberharap agar dikurniakanmereka yang taatkepada-Nya
  • 2. Hasan al-Basri: Allah melihatkpdseseoranghamba Muslim ituapabilaisterinya, saudaranya, anak-anaknya, teman-temannyataatkpd Allah..

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide10

KhalifahUmarmendapatiramaidrp peniaga2 susutelahberlakukhianat – campur air dlmsusuygdijual.

  • Arahanmelarangmerekamelakukandanamaranhukuman
  • Seoranganakmenegahibunyamelakukandemikian: “AmirulMu’mininmungkintidakmelihat, tapituhanAmirulMu’mininMahaMelihat

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

fasa2 perkembangan
FASA2 PERKEMBANGAN
  • مَا لَكُمْ لَا تَرْجُونَ لِلَّهِ وَقَارًا
  • Mengapakamutidakpercayaakankebesaran Allah?
  • وَقَدْ خَلَقَكُمْ أَطْوَارًا
  • PadahalDiasesungguhnyatelahmenciptakankamudalambeberapafasaperkembangan.
  • Al-Tawbah 71: 13-14

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide13

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ تُرَابٍ ثُمَّ مِنْ نُطْفَةٍ ثُمَّ مِنْ عَلَقَةٍ ثُمَّ يُخْرِجُكُمْ طِفْلًا ثُمَّ لِتَبْلُغُوا أَشُدَّكُمْ ثُمَّ لِتَكُونُوا شُيُوخًا ۚ وَمِنْكُمْ مَنْ يُتَوَفَّىٰ مِنْ قَبْلُ ۖ وَلِتَبْلُغُوا أَجَلًا مُسَمًّى وَلَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ “He it is Who created you from dust, then from a sperm drop, then from a clot, then He brings you forth as a child, then that you may attain your maturity, then that you may be old-- and of you there are some who are caused to die before-- and that you may reach an appointed term, and that you may understand.”

  • Ghafir40: 67

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

developmental psychology fiqh perspective
Developmental Psychology– Fiqh Perspective
  • Ahliah al-WujubNaqisah
    • (Prenatal stage)
  • Ahliah al-WujubTammah/Kamilah
    • (From birth to mumaiyyiz)
  • Ahliah al-Ada’ Naqisah
    • (From mummaiyyizto bulugh -)
  • Ahliah al-Ada’ Tammah/Kamilah
    • (From bulugh to death, as long as he/she is `aqil)

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

when is the starting point of islamic parenting
When is the starting point of Islamic Parenting?

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

0 2 years
0-2 YEARS

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

reflexes
REFLEXES

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

perceptual development
PERCEPTUAL DEVELOPMENT
  • Vision
    • Visual acuity: Clear for 8-10 inches; Good vision by 6 months
    • Visual preference
  • Depth Perception
    • Visual Cliff experiment (Walk & Gibson, 1961)
  • Other Senses
    • Auditory memory
    • Direction of sound
  • Taste & Smell

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

brain development
BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

psychomotor development
PSYCHOMOTOR DEVELOPMENT

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

perkembangan sosial
PerkembanganSosial
  • Attachment - the emotional bond between an infant and the primary caregiver.
    • Secure - willing to explore, upset when mother departs but easily soothed upon her return.
    • Avoidant – unattached; explore without “touching base.”
    • Ambivalent - insecurely attached; upset when mother leaves and then angry with mother upon her return.
    • Disorganized-disoriented – insecurely attached and sometimes abused or neglected; seemed fearful, dazed, and depressed.

Menu

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide22

Menu

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide23

Trust versus mistrust - first stage of personality development in which the infant’s basic sense of trust or mistrust develops as a result of consistent or inconsistent care.

  • Autonomy versus shame and doubt - second stage of personality development in which the toddler strives for physical independence.

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

islamic parenting strategies
ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES
  • Exposure to basic colours/shapes, Islamic pictures, pictures of natural beauty
  • Exposure to objects with differing distance
  • Exposure to different and contrasting faces
  • Exposure to activities requiring the usage of hands and legs – but don’t force
  • Touch
  • Nafqahzahir

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide25
Auditory: Azan, Qur’anic readings, natural sounds, arranged sounds
  • Taste and smell: breastfeeding, tahnik, fruits/vegetables, natural smell, perfurme
  • Touch: shave hair
  • Others: Aqiqah, good names, khitan
  • Issue: Barakah

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide26

وَاللَّهُ أَخْرَجَكُمْ مِنْ بُطُونِ أُمَّهَاتِكُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ شَيْئًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُمُ السَّمْعَ وَالْأَبْصَارَ وَالْأَفْئِدَةَ ۙ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ

  • “It is He who brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers when you knew nothing; and He made for you hearings, visions and the hearts (af’idah( So that you may give thanks.”
  • Al-Nahl 16: 78

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide27

وَهُوَ الَّذِي أَنْشَأَ لَكُمُ السَّمْعَ وَالْأَبْصَارَ وَالْأَفْئِدَةَ ۚ قَلِيلًا مَا تَشْكُرُونَ

  • “It is He who has created/developed (ansha’a for you hearing, vision, and the heart). But little did you give thanks.”
  • Al-Mu’minun23: 78

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

lessons on aqidah
LESSONS ON AQIDAH
  • Allah has the power of the development of our 0-2 years old children. Don’t forget du’a and tawakkal.
  • Kisah: Nabi Musa danNabi Isa AS

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

issues
ISSUES:
  • Computers: The good and the bad

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

2 5 years old
2-5 YEARS OLD

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

foundation spiritual education
FOUNDATION: SPIRITUAL EDUCATION
  • Religious fitrah/nature – understanding aqidah in its simplest form
  • Introduce them to Allah, His attributes and His greatness
  • Introduce them to Al-Anbiya’ and their struggles, the role of angels and devils, the Day of Judgement

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

physical development
PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
  • Gross Skills:
    • Walking, running, balancing, co-ordinating.
  • Fine Skills:
    • Fingers, toes, eyes e.g. drawing, writing, holding, throwing, waving, catching, etc.

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

islamic parenting strategies1
ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES
  • Hygiene at home and the environment
  • Avoiding/treating illnesses e.g. immunes system, weather, medication
  • Diet: Halal and tayyib – balanced, no intoxicant
  • Physical games e.g. playground, exercise, sports
  • Adab while eating, drinking, and sleeping

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide34

Hadith: “Cleanse your body so that Allah will cleanse you.”(riwayatTibrani)

  • Hadith: “Indeed Allah is good and He likes good things. He is clean and He likes clean things. (riwayatTirmizi)
  • Issue: Cleanliness in UK

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide35

Hadith: "There is a cure for every disease. Whenever an illness is treated with its right remedy, it will, by Allah's permission, be cured." (Muslim)

  • Issue: Children’s Health

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide36

Hadith: "No human ever filled a container more evil than his belly. The few morsels needed to support his being shall suffice the son of Adam. But if there is no recourse then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath." (Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)

  • Issue: Children’s Diet

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

cognitive development
COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
  • Preoperational stage - the preschool child learns to use language as a means of exploring the world.
    • Egocentrism - the inability to see the world through anyone else’s eyes.
    • Centration - the tendency of a young child to focus only on one feature of an object while ignoring other relevant features.
    • Conservation - the ability to understand that simply changing the appearance of an object does not change the object’s nature.
    • Irreversibility - the inability of the young child to mentally reverse an action.
  • Still depends on individuals and culture

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

islamic parenting strategies2
ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES
  • Imam Al-Ghazali RH on understanding concepts via language:
  • Teach the concepts of khusyu’, tawadu’, raja’, adil, hikmah, shaja’ah, hubb, iffah
  • Start early: Use models/examples
  • May not understand fully at first, but they will when they reach 5-6 years old.

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

social development
SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide41

Initiative vs guilt –

  • the preschool-aged child strives for emotional and psychological independence and attempts to satisfy curiosity about the world.

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

parenting styles
PARENTING STYLES
  • Authoritarian parents
    • Control behaviour rigidly; unquestioning obedience
  • Permissive-indifferent parents
    • Too little control; fail to set limits on behaviour; neglectful & inattentive
  • Permissive-indulgent parents
    • Attentive & supportive; fail to set limits on behaviour
  • Authoritative parents
    • Provide firm structure & guidance w/o being overly controlling; listen to children’s opinion; give explanations for their decisions; made clear that parents who make & enforce rules

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

outcomes
Outcomes
  • Authoritarian parents
  • Children: poor comm. Skills, moody, withdrawn, distrustful
  • Permissive-indifferent parents
  • Children: overly dependent, lacking in social skills, self-control
  • Permissive-indulgent parents
  • Children: immature, disrespectful, impulsive, out of control
  • Authoritative parents
  • Children: self-reliant, socially responsible

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide44

Hadith: Rasulullah SAW kissed Hasandan Husain RA

  • Hadith: Rasulullah SAW let them play ‘horse’ while he’s prostrating during salatjama’ah at the mosque
  • Hadith: letting Aishah RA play with dolls
  • Imam al-Ghazali: Let the children play after studying/learning

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

islamic parenting strategies3
ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES
  • Teach the meaning of life: what, why, where, when, how?
  • Allah’s existence; role in this world, human nature e.g. good vs. evil
  • Teach good spoken language
  • Expose to natural beauty
  • Expose to good readings

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide46

Muhammad al-Ghazali: Exposure to nature will cleanse the fitrah, ensure healthy physical/spiritual development, and develop thinking skills

  • Opportunity in UK?
  • Examples of good readings

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

sexual development
SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT
  • Started to know that gender cannot be changed
  • Issue: Where does baby come from?

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

islamic parenting strategies4
ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES
  • Encourage social interaction e.g. mosques, Islamic activities, and school activities
  • Encourage good deeds; Make them aware of bad deeds
  • Educate on collective ibadah
  • Teach the differences between boys and girls
  • Teach adabs

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

lessons on aqidah1
LESSONS ON AQIDAH
  • Allah has the power over the development of 2-5 years old children
  • Western secular theories are based on scientific observation but still have biases in terms of methods and cultural influences

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

issues1
ISSUES
  • Nursery, Maids, or Full-time mother?
  • Music: The goods and the bads?

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

6 12 years old
6-12 YEARS OLD

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

physical development1
PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
  • Massive bone/muscle development
  • Puberty: secondary sexual characteristics
  • Girls: breast
  • Boys: shoulder and voice
  • Girls: earlier than boys

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

cognitive development1
COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
  • Can think logically; not yet abstract thinking
  • Can classify, make analogy, etc.
  • IbnUmar cognitive development: Prophet SAW playing riddles

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

social development1
SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT
  • Industry vs inferiority –
  • the adolescent strives for a sense of competence and self-esteem.

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

sexual development1
SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT
  • Learn the do’s and don’ts in sexual behaviour
  • Learn gender-appropriate behaviour

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

islamic parenting strategies5
ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES
  • Encourage physical activities e.g. playground, sports, bicycle, scooter, roller-blade, skiing
  • Encourage creative arts: cutting, pasting, moulding, drawing, writing, etc.
  • Self-service: tying shoelaces, brush teeth

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

slide57

Explain human role in this world

  • Educate on amalsalih
  • Instill reading habits
  • Teach the function of male and female (both biology and fiqh); adab in interacting with the opposite sex, and why both needs each other (marriage)
  • Issue: the origin of homosexuality

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

lessons on aqidah2
LESSONS ON AQIDAH
  • Allah has the power of the development of 6-12 years old children
  • Examples: Ali, Aishah, KisahPerangUhud, UsamahibnZayd, Sultan Muhammad Al-Fatih

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

issues2
ISSUES
  • National school, Islamic School, Both, or Integrated School?
  • To facebook or not to facebook?
  • Too much exposure to secularism and/or christianity
  • Exposure to khilafmazhab

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

du at parenting
DU’AT PARENTING
  • The family Nabi2 AS, Sahabat RA, Salaf al-SalihRH are family of da’wah and jihad
  • All amalibadah are connected with iman; And all amalda’wah are based on amalibadah
  • Long-term goal for ummah, not just short-term goal for family
  • Also human being: need emotional and social support from da’wah community

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

activities
ACTIVITIES
  • Salatjama’ah; Tilawah al-Qur’an; Zikirma’thurat
  • Tazkirah/Usrah/Halaqahon iman, meaning of Qur’an/Hadith, sirahNabi and Sahabah
  • Ziarahda’wah/tarbiah/charity
  • Islamic picnic/camping
  • Social activities

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

parents need critical thinking too
PARENTS NEED CRITICAL THINKING TOO
  • NabiNuh AS failed as parent?
  • Isu 2: Nabi Ibrahim AS neglected his son?
  • Isu 3: NabiYaakubAS practice favouritism?
  • Isu 4: Early childhood experience NabiMusa vs. Nabi Muhammad

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

tasbih kaffarah
TasbihKaffarah…

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire