Verb Diet. Revision Technique that Works!. Personal Narrative Student Writing Sample. “Hey girls, how has camp been treating ya!” Chuck said with a big smile.
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Revision Technique that Works!
“Hey girls, how has camp been treating ya!” Chuck said with a big smile.
Chuck was a grandpa looking figure with gray hair and a balding head. His skin was tanned and it was obvious he enjoyed being out in the sun. His voice was scratchy and deep. It was apparent that he must be Italian. It reminded me of a voice from the movie The Godfather.
Minimize use of the form of “be” verbs.
“Hey girls, how has camp been treating ya? Chuck said with a big smile.
Gray hair and a balding head made Chuck look like a grandpa. Tan skin showed his obvious love for the outdoors. A deep scratchy voice that sounded Italian reminded me of the characters’ voices in The Godfather film.