College Application Essay Writing Workshop

1. College Application Essay Writing Workshop Day 2: Effective OpeningsYou only have one chance to make the first impression!

2. “Rules” for hooks... • Clear and surprising thought or image. • Meaningful connection to the rest of the essay. • Think of an opening shot in a film – what do directors do to grab our attention? • Hint: they don’t say “Ladies and gentlemen, today I’m going to show you a story I thought up about cowboys... or mafia guys… or space ships” • Instead, they do something like this… (think about why each of the following is an effective opening):

7. I’ve always considered myself somewhat of a go-getter.

8. She was the tallest woman I had ever seen, and for the next three hours, I would be at her mercy.

9. As an Indian-American, I’ve always had a complicated relationship with the hyphen.

10. I believe that people should be treated with respect and dignity, no matter who they are.

11. Salisbury steak or boxed mac-n-cheese – these were our choices for dinner for the fourth night in a row.

12. I think the main thing that defines me would have to be my leadership ability.

13. My face was pressed into the turf, and in twenty minutes my knee would be the size of a cantaloupe.

14. “Sit down,” he said without looking at me. “You’re going to want to sit down.”

15. If you close your eyes, you can feel integrity drifting on the wind, pin-wheeling through the eye of invention.

16. It is a truth universally acknowledged that weird things happen at hospitals.

17. My sister was always the person who inspired me the most.

18. I can think like a horse.

19. Good opening lines… • Consider beginning in the middle of the action. • Avoid exposition or explanation. • Make the reader curious to read more. • Have “Show versus Tell” detail.

20. Show V. Tell • Make your reader see the story (it’s their chance to meet you without you being there). • Transport the reader with sensory detail. • Can the camera see it?

21. Eliminate Ambiguity He was angry.

22. Verbs instead of adverbs “Let’s go,” Mary said impatiently. “Let’s go!” Mary snapped. Daniel walked down the street.Daniel ambled down the street. Daniel strutted down the street. Daniel slunk down the street. Daniel shuffled down the street.

23. Rewrite these lines • Ethel wrote her name messily on the line. • Sarah picked up the phone warily. • The dog growled viciously.

24. Allow the reader to fell for themselves • “Then, in a totally unexpected move, the black wings spread wide and it circled into the air…” • The Sword of Shannaraby Terry Brooks • The tiny insect-crawl of the second hand was the last thing she saw before the lights went out. • The Silence of the Lambs, Thomas Harris

25. What people say says a lot about them (use dialogue!) • “I ain’tsayin’ he was dumb or nothin’.” • “Why? Why do I always have to do everything all the time and nobody ever helps?” • “Once again I’m having to redo the paperwork because that hippy can’t get himself to ‘do the system.’” What impressions do you get of the speakers in each of these lines?

26. Think about writing director’s notes • For each of the following pictures, write a paragraph that shows (instead of tells) what’s going on. • Can the camera see it?

30. When you think of your own story: • Allow yourself to write the story all at once without worrying too much about craft. • Consider the “timeline” of the story. Where is the middle? What’s your opening shot? • GO BACK THROUGH and reword/rewrite for show versus tell. • Next, edit for clarity and focus. • Finally, edit for grammar and typos.

31. Let’s go write! • You should send me a draft tonight. • During class, I’ll be checking in with you about the prompt you’re using and the basic idea you’re using for a subject. • Ask questions!!!