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Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers. Philip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary pmonroe@biblical.edu. A hidden crisis . Do you know who is in crisis around you Struggling with sexual identity Struggling with pornography Struggling with masturbation

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distorted sex providing mercy to sexual strugglers

Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers

Philip G. Monroe, PsyD

Biblical Seminary

pmonroe@biblical.edu

a hidden crisis
A hidden crisis
  • Do you know who is in crisis around you
    • Struggling with sexual identity
    • Struggling with pornography
    • Struggling with masturbation
  • What does a struggler look like?
    • Nothing different!
take a moment
Take a moment…
  • What is your first image of a sexually broken person?
    • Victim of abuse?
    • Addict?
    • Offender? Willful sinner?
  • How has your church spoken of the sexually broken in the last year?
mercy ministry for sexual brokenness
Mercy Ministry for Sexual Brokenness

Simple steps, really:

  • Education
  • Prevention
  • Direction
  • Comfort, accountability, and support: a place in the family of God
education
Education
  • From the pulpit and classroom:
    • Provide a picture of healthy sex
    • Normalize (sexual) brokenness
    • Testimonies the provide a picture of healing
  • Specific Issues
    • Struggles to feel understood (the need for quality materials for those hiding their pain)
    • Struggles with desire and temptation
    • Struggles with identity
      • All or nothing thinking in the world and church?
sexual identity and attraction
Sexual Identity and Attraction
  • Identity and Attraction are multifaceted
  • Attraction and Identity are not equivalent!
  • Sexual Identity
    • Gender (and feelings about one’s gender)
    • Persistence and direction of attraction
    • Intention
    • Behaviors (personal and environment)
    • Values (personal and community)

Adapted from Mark Yarhouse,

prevention
Prevention
  • Does your church speak winsomely about
    • Positive, non-objectifying images of women?
    • The beauty of sexual desire?
    • Internet filters and accountability?
    • Sexual identity and same-sex attraction in non-stereotyping manner?
    • Singlehood?
    • The process of becoming dead and undead?
a biblical view of desire
A Biblical View of Desire
  • We are made to desire God and his creation
  • But since sin entered the world…
    • We long for things that are out of reach
    • These unfulfilled longings are painful
    • We often turn good desires into demands
    • We desire too little rather than too much
    • We often want behavior management rather than transformation
direction
Direction
  • What do I do if I struggle with:
    • confused sexual identity and same-sex attraction?
    • sexual addictions?
  • Where do I turn?
sexual identity ssa goals
Sexual Identity SSA Goals
  • Use descriptive language vs. politically charged
  • Seek peace with Christian identity as primary shaper of facets of identity
  • Understand multiple influences on sexual attraction, behaviors, experiences
  • See relationships between sensations, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
  • Achieve safe, meaningful relationships
entering into the addict s life
Entering Into the Addict’s Life
  • Looking to be there for the long haul
  • Recognizing spiritual, will, and body dimensions of enslavement
  • Alert to stages of change
  • Practicing good spiritual hygiene
how do i protect myself from demanding desires
How do I protect myself from demanding desires?
  • Visual reminders, reality checks
  • Staying close to God’s Word
  • Prayer
  • Make your struggle a community effort
  • Humility and Simplicity
comfort support
Comfort & Support
  • Groups for all
    • Provide worship, support, teaching, prayer, tears, accountability
    • Avoid splitting out by problem
    • Provide safe place for offended family members to struggle with trust and yet turn to see God/self in the midst of the pain
  • Session uses discipline in the widest sense of the word (hospital, not merely court)
warning
Warning
  • Everyone wants sexual brokenness to go away
    • But what if the struggle doesn’t diminish?
  • The struggler and supports often conspire to pretend that the problem is gone
  • Find ways to make okay to keep talking about struggles in a Gospel manner
helpful tools
Helpful Tools
  • Web materials
    • www.harvestusa.org (see handouts with me)
      • Materials, church training, consultation
    • www.covenanteyes.com (accountability)
    • www.bsafehome.com (filtering)
  • Books
    • Yarhouse, Mark. Sexual Identity Synthesis… University Press of America (2004)
    • Welch, Ed. Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave… P & R Publishing (2001)
    • Gallagher, Steve. At the altar of sexual idolatry. Pure Life (2000)
    • Howard, Jeanette. Out of Egypt. Monarch Books (2001)
for copies of these slides www wisecounsel wordpress com click articles slides page
For copies of these slides:

www.wisecounsel.wordpress.com

Click “Articles, slides…” page