The Sound Marital House: A Theory of Marriage. Gottman, J. M. (1999). The sound marital house: A theory of marriage. In The marriage clinic (pp. 87-110). New York: Norton. Three Types of Stable, Happy Couples. Three Types (each with “rich climates of positivity”):
Gottman, J. M. (1999). The sound marital house: A theory of marriage. In The marriage clinic (pp. 87-110). New York: Norton.
ResultsMismatches, the Real Problem
Validator with Avoider
The validator is constantly pursuing the avoider and feeling shut out emotionally. The avoider starts feeling flooded.
Validator with Volatile
The validator starts feeling not listened to and flooded, like he or she is doing combat duty all the time. The volatile feels that the validator is cold and unemotional, distant and disengaged. There seems to be no passion in the marriage.
Avoider with Volatile
This is the worst of the pursuer-distancer combinations. The avoider quickly feels that he or she has married and out-of-control crazy person. The volatile believes that he or she has married a cold fish and feels unloved, rejected, and unappreciated.