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Song of Solomon. By Tommy Nelson. 1. The Art of Attraction. SOS. The Author & Presenter. Tommy Nelson has been Pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, TX since 1977 He’s a North Texas graduate (like Dr. Phil) He got his Masters in Biblical Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary

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by tommy nelson

Song of Solomon

By Tommy Nelson

1. The Art of Attraction

the author presenter

SOS

The Author & Presenter

Tommy Nelson has been Pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, TX since 1977

He’s a North Texas graduate (like Dr. Phil)

He got his Masters in Biblical Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary

He’s been Married to Teresa Nelson for 38 years. They have 2 grown sons, and several grandkids.

song of solomon

SOS

Song of Solomon

How many of you have read the “Song of Solomon” (aka, “The Song of Songs”)?

If so, tell us something you know about it.

One of the “Wisdom” books.

Only 8 short Chapters

Author & Date: Unknown, but many believe it to be Solomon (hence about 1000 B.C.)

Very sensual & descriptive language between two lovers: a man and his bride.

Strikingly little of the typical spiritual verbiage as found in most scripture (e.g. God, grace, mercy, sin, repentence, etc.)

song of solomon1

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Song of Solomon
  • Interpretation – Ranges widely
    • From OT times on, the Jews have viewed it allegorically as a relationship between Israel & God. It was read on the 8th day of Passover (but only by married people or those over 30 yrs of age).
    • The early church tended to view the writing as an allegory of the relationship between God & his OT people (Israel) and Jesus & his NT people (the Church)
    • Luther tended to view it as an allegorical illustration of God’s political provision for his nation, Israel. Lutheran traditionwent along with an allegorical interpretation.
    • In modern times, folks have been more willing to acknowledge the poetic and sexual language of the song, and apply it to literal lovers(gasp) while acknowledging some allegorical views.
    • Some have seen it as describing the coming of a maiden into King Solomon’s Harem.
    • Others have chosen to see it as a description of a God-pleasing loving relationship between a man (likely King Solomon)and his wife (Tommy’s preferred interpretation).
song of solomon2

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Song of Solomon
  • Theme & Theology
    • Oddly, although likely written by a man, the dominant voice used in the song is that of the female lover (with lesser dialog by the male lover, and a few voices of others).
    • Love, as God’s great gift, is the over-arching theme.
    • The woman’s voice picks up on love’s beauty, delights, exclusiveness (v 2:16), spontaneity, preciousness, and power.
    • In modern times, we identify these things as good things, as God intended them within the context of marriage.
    • In ALL times, man (and to a lesser extent women) have frequently violated this perfect picture.
song of solomon3

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Song of Solomon
  • Literary Figures
    • This is a book that even a secular literary scholar could appreciate for it’s poetic language.
    • It doesn’t take much imagination to see sensual language within the text (hence the reason why the church has struggled with what to do with the book for 3000 years).
    • The Author of this series (Tommy Nelson) has chosen to view it as a sequence of relationship steps from attraction to dating to courtship to marriage.
6 part series

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6-Part Series

The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person

The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly

The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

part 1 the art of attraction opening questions

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionOpening Questions

When you first meet someone, what are you more attracted to: their looks or their character? (be honest)

Now imagine yourself married with children. Which will be more important then: looks or character?

Why is it so critical that we stay committed to our Christian standards in dating?

part 1 the art of attraction

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Part 1: The Art of Attraction
  • Questions Addressed in Part 1
    • What does the Bible say about how I should start a relationship?
    • What do I do if I think I like someone of the opposite sex? What’s the next step?
    • Two Questions are Key to this Section:
      • What kind of person should I be attracted to?
      • What kind of person do I want to be attracted to me?
part 1 the art of attraction1

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Part 1: The Art of Attraction

The Text: SOS 1:1-7 (female voice)

1Solomon’s Song of Songs.2Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. 3   Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! 4 Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine. How right they are to adore you!

part 1 the art of attraction2

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Part 1: The Art of Attraction

The Text

5Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. 6Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun.   My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected. 7Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday.   Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?

Now, let’s watch the video…

part 1 the art of attraction bible text questions

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionBible Text Questions
  • What is the significance of the statement, “Your name is ointment poured forth” in verse 1:3?
    • The point is that you have a good “name” or good “character” or good reputation.
  • In verse 1:6, the maiden says, “My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me caretaker of the vineyards.” Why is this important?
    • The maiden of the Song is responsible and submissive to authorities in her life.
part 1 the art of attraction review questions

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionReview Questions
  • What kind of a woman “veils herself by the flocks of your companions” in verse 1:7?
    • This is a woman that won’t compromise her character (e.g. “do anything” to get a man).
  • “A man is not ready to be a husband until he is a bride.” What is meant by that, and what should a man’s life and heart look like at that point?
    • It means he is a “bride” to Christ. He is a Christian who is FIRST and FOREMOST married to Christ, one who is lead by God. He has a heart after God, and it is reflected in the way he lives his life.
part 1 the art of attraction review questions1

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionReview Questions
  • What is a “rouge male” and what are the consequences of marrying one?
    • This is a man who does not know Christ and take his responsibility to Christ and loved ones in his life seriously. Tommy said this person will either “abuse you” or be “irresponsible” to you. (Discuss this.)
  • Why does Tommy say it should be a red flag if a girl rebels against her parents or other forms of authority in her life?
    • In marriage and in life she will always want to go her own way. If she doesn’t take direction from authorities, she likely won’t take direction from God either.
part 1 the art of attraction key points

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionKey Points
  • Looks vs. Character
    • Looks don’t ________.
part 1 the art of attraction key points1

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionKey Points
  • Looks vs. Character
    • Looks don’t last.
    • Looks can __________ ______. Character will not.
part 1 the art of attraction key points2

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionKey Points
  • Looks vs. Character
    • Looks don’t last.
    • Looks can deceiveyou. Character will not.
    • Looks are always _________ ___ by character.
part 1 the art of attraction key points3

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionKey Points
  • Looks vs. Character
    • Looks don’t last.
    • Looks can deceiveyou. Character will not.
    • Looks are always cancelledout by character.
part 1 the art of attraction key points4

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionKey Points
  • You’re ready to get married when you have these 3 things:
    • You have a profile of the kind of person you would like to marry.
    • You are not willing to compromise on that profile.
    • You have become the type of person that your “profile” will want to marry.
coming soon

SOS

Coming soon…
  • Youth Group Tonight
  • Skiing/Tubing Next Sunday
    • Meet at church 3 pm
    • Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm
    • Return to Church around 7 pm
    • Cost $10 – Need Waiver Signed
    • By tonight, let me know if you will be skiing/tubing next weekend.
  • In 2 Weeks: Super Bowl Party at Skarshaug Home
by tommy nelson1

The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person

The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly

The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

Song of Solomon

By Tommy Nelson

2. The Art of Dating

part 1 the art of attraction in review

SOS

Part 1: The Art of AttractionIn Review
  • Over long haul, choose character over looks
    • Looks don’t last.
    • Looks can deceiveyou. Character will not.
    • Looks are always cancelledout by character.
part 1 the art of attraction in review1

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionIn Review
  • To prepare for attracting someone
    • Have a profile of the kind of person you like.
    • Know what you can’t compromise on.
    • Become the type of person that your “profile” will want.
part 2 the art of dating how to spend time together

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Part 2: The Art of DatingHow to spend time together

Have you ever been in a relationship and then broken up? Was it painful?

What is dating for?

Why is there so often hurt involved?

In this message, Tommy defines a date and shows how this experience can fit into God’s plan for biblical love and romance.

part 2 the art of dating text song of solomon 1 8 12

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Part 2: The Art of DatingText: Song of Solomon 1:8-12

8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. 9I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. 11We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver. 12While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance.

part 2 the art of dating text song of solomon 1 13 17

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Part 2: The Art of DatingText: Song of Solomon 1:13-17

13 My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. 14 My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. 15How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. 16How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. 17The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.

part 2 the art of dating text song of solomon 2 1 4

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Part 2: The Art of DatingText: Song of Solomon 2:1-4

1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. 2Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. 3Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men.   I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

part 2 the art of dating text song of solomon 2 5 7

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Part 2: The Art of DatingText: Song of Solomon 2:5-7

5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. 7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

his banner over me is love

SOS

His Banner Over Me is Love

D (A7) (D7)

He brought me to his banqueting table

A (D) (Em7)

His banner over me is love.

(Repeat above 3x)

A7 D

His banner over me is love.

his banner over me is love1

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His Banner Over Me is Love

D (A7) (D7)

We are the sheep and he is the shepherd

A (D) (Em7)

His banner over me is love.

(Repeat above 3x)

A7 D

His banner over me is love.

his banner over me is love2

SOS

His Banner Over Me is Love

D (A7) (D7)

He is my beloved and I am His,

A (D) (Em7)

His banner over me is love.

(Repeat above 3x)

A7 D

His banner over me is love.

his banner over me is love3

SOS

His Banner Over Me is Love

D (A7) (D7)

He is the vine and we are the branches,

A (D) (Em7)

His banner over me is love.

(Repeat above 3x)

A7 D

His banner over me is love.

his banner over me is love4

SOS

His Banner Over Me is Love

D (A7) (D7)

He brought me to his banqueting table

A (D) (Em7)

His banner over me is love.

(Repeat above 3x)

A7 D

His banner over me is love.

Now, the video…

part 2 the art of dating discussion questions

SOS

Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • How did Tommy define a date?
    • Sharing a common event with a person of the opposite sex (with no expectation of physical intimacy or a long-term relationship)
  • Why did Tommy distinguish between the noun “date” and the verb “dating”? What is the difference?
    • A date is an event.
    • Dating is a relationship.
  • What is the difference between dating and courtship?
    • Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person.
    • Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider the viability of a long-term relationship. It may involve gradual and limited—but appropriate*—physical intimacy.
    • *Appropriate: hug, holding hands, arms around shoulders, short kiss
  • What do you think of this?
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions1

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions

Tommy said “With the way dating works in our culture, many people have already been emotionally divorced three times before they ever get married.” What did he mean by that?

Remember, our husband-wife relationship is meant to be a “copy” of our human-Christ relationship, so our “copy” ideally will be singular.

part 2 the art of dating discussion questions2

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Verse 8 reads “If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. “ How does the man treat the woman in this verse?
    • Tommy (and others) sometimes attribute vs. 8 to the man. Most attribute it to her friends, “the daughters of Jerusalem.”
    • The woman is treated with respect & kindness
  • What effect does this have on the woman?
    • She is emboldened to get to know the man.
    • It’s kind of like a date—an opportunity to become acquainted or get to know one-another.
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions3

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Verse 2:7 reads ”Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. “ Explain this verse.
    • The woman, in speaking to her friends, realizes the passion she has for her man.
    • She advises caution to her friends. Why?
  • The attraction between a man and woman is a God-designed thing. Some say this attraction is like magnets attracting. How so?
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions4

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • How should the person you date affect your spiritual life?
    • Remember the race analogy. Ideally you are running a race, not to get married to an earthly spouse, but to get to heaven to your creator.
    • Whoever you choose to run that race with (who needs to be running the same race) should assist and encourage you along the way.
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions5

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions

Why is it important that the guy takes the leadership in exercising self-control in the area of passion?

How can the woman assist in this?

The TRICK is this: like magnets, we are not designed to resist God-given passion, so we need to avoid placing ourselves in positions where this passion is inappropriate.

part 2 the art of dating discussion questions6

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship?
    • __________
    • ________
    • ___________
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions7

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship?
    • Godliness
    • ________
    • ___________
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions8

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship?
    • Godliness
    • Respect
    • ___________
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions9

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship?
    • Godliness
    • Respect
    • Character
part 2 the art of dating discussion questions10

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Part 2: The Art of DatingDiscussion Questions
  • Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship?
    • Godliness
    • Respect
    • Character
  • He said these are coals on which you can build a fire that will last a lifetime.
coming soon1

SOS

Coming soon…
  • Today: Super Bowl Party at SkarshaugHome
    • Starts at 4 pm
    • Pizza & Lemonade Provided
    • The cake boss is bringing a cake
    • Optional: Snacks to Share
  • Looking at possibly rescheduling skiing/tubing
by tommy nelson2

The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person

The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly

The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

Song of Solomon

By Tommy Nelson

3. The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

part 1 the art of attraction in review2

SOS

Part 1: The Art of AttractionIn Review
  • Choose character over looks
  • To prepare for attracting someone
    • Have a profileof the kind of person.
    • Know what you can’t compromiseon.
    • Become the personyour “profile” will want.
part 2 the art of dating in review

SOS

Part 2: The Art of DatingIn Review

A date is sharing an event with a person

Datingis a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate

Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

part 3 the art of courtship text song of solomon 2 1 4

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipText: Song of Solomon 2:1-4

1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. 2Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. 3Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men.   I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

part 3 the art of courtship text song of solomon 2 5 7

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipText: Song of Solomon 2:5-7

5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. 7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

part 3 the art of courtship moving beyond dating

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipMoving Beyond Dating

Courtship is a word not often used today

Courtship is when you enter into a repetitive, exclusive relationship to discover IF this is the person you are supposed to Marry.

Tommy will introduce us to the concept, including 9 steps of Courtship

Now, the video…

part 3 the art of courtship moving beyond dating1

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipMoving Beyond Dating
  • Tommy said courtship happens when 3 things have occurred:
    • When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material)
    • You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up”
    • The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.
part 3 the art of courtship moving beyond dating2

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipMoving Beyond Dating
  • Dating & Courtship Compared
    • Observation vs. Conclusion
    • No Escalation vs. AppropriateEscalation
    • No Expectation vs. Responsibility
    • Not Exclusive vs. VeryExclusive
    • Focus is Event vs. Focus is the Person
part 3 the art of courtship moving beyond dating3

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipMoving Beyond Dating
  • The Nine Steps of Courtship
    • Observation – of the other person
    • Edification – you are better because of friend
    • Evaluation – you assess your situation
    • Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no”
    • Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent
    • Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her
    • Resolution– You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner
    • Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person
    • Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have
part 3 the art of courtship discussion time

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time

How do the nine steps of courtship compare with how dating is done today?

Tommy uses expression “courtship”. Others have used “going steady” or “lovelier”. What is used today?

part 3 the art of courtship discussion time1

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • Whether you adopt Tommy’s approach to dating & courtship, there are some very valuable guidelines to adopt:
    • Know who you are and what God expects of you
    • Always leave your partner’s good reputation intact
    • Always treat your partner with honesty & respect
    • Name some others…
part 3 the art of courtship discussion time2

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • What personal guidelines do you think are reasonable for…
    • A Single Date
    • Dating
    • Courting
part 3 the art of courtship discussion time3

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • A Single Date
    • What’s the purpose?
    • How should you treat your partner?
    • How intimate is appropriate?
    • What is an appropriate follow-up?
      • If you had a good time, what do you do next?
      • If you didn’t have a good time, what next?
part 3 the art of courtship discussion time4

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • Dating
    • What’s the purpose?
    • How do you know when you are “dating”?
    • How should you treat your partner?
    • How intimate is appropriate?
    • What is an appropriate follow-up?
      • If you really enjoy their company; if not?
      • If you think you are ready for marriage; if not?
    • How many “dates” before you “owe” that person a “statement” of intention to “Court” or “Go Steady”
    • How do you rationally assess where the relationship is going, and whether you & your partner want it to go there?
part 3 the art of courtship discussion time5

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • Courting (or “Going Steady” or “Dating Seriously”)
    • What’s the purpose?
    • How do you know you are in “Courtship”?
    • How should you treat your partner?
    • How intimate is appropriate?
    • What is an appropriate follow-up?
      • If you begin to realize the two of you are not compatible?
      • If you find that you definitely are compatible but not ready?
      • If you realized you are both compatible and read?
    • How long before formal “engagement” is necessary?
    • How do you rationally assess where the relationship is going, and whether you & your partner want it to go there?
coming soon2

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Coming soon…
  • Tonight: ROCK Youth Group at 6:30
  • Skiing/Tubing Next Sunday, February 16
    • Meet at church 3 pm
    • Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm
    • Return to Church around 7 pm
    • Cost $10 – Need Waiver Signed
by tommy nelson3

The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person

The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly

The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

Song of Solomon

By Tommy Nelson

4. The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

part 1 the art of attraction in review3

SOS

Part 1: The Art of AttractionIn Review
  • Choose character over looks
  • To prepare for attracting someone
    • Have a profileof the kind of person.
    • Know what you can’t compromiseon.
    • Become the personyour “profile” will want.
part 2 the art of dating in review1

SOS

Part 2: The Art of DatingIn Review

A date is sharing an event with a person

Datingis a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate

Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

part 3 the art of courtship in review

SOS

Part 3: The Art of CourtshipIn Review
  • The Nine Steps of Courtship
    • Observation – of the other person
    • Edification – you are better because of friend
    • Evaluation – you assess your situation
    • Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no”
    • Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent
    • Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her
    • Resolution– You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner
    • Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person
    • Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have
part 3 the art of courtship in review1

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipIn Review
  • Again, how do we know when we’re ready for Courtship?
    • When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material)
    • You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up”
    • The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.
part 4 the art of courtship moving toward marriage

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Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

Opening Bible geography question. Where are the mountains of Bether?

part 4 the art of courtship moving toward marriage1

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Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

Remember, when we’re talking courtship, we’re talking about a relationship where BOTH parties think perhaps this may be THE ONE. So, this doesn’t apply to casual dating.

Last week, Tommy explained how courtship should work.

In this session, we’ll see how some of the concepts of courtship were evident between Solomon & his bride-to-be.

The goal is that these principles be a guide for us in our dating & courtship relationships.

part 4 the art of courtship text song of solomon 2 8 13

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipText: Song of Solomon 2:8-13

8 Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. 9 My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. 10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”

part 4 the art of courtship text song of solomon 2 14 17

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipText: Song of Solomon 2:14-17

14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. 15Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. 16My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. 17 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.

part 4 the art of courtship text song of solomon 3 1 5

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipText: Song of Solomon 3:1-5

1 All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. 2 I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares;   I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. 3 The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?” 4 Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves.   I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me. 5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

part 4 the art of courtship discussion time

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • Why do you think God has the poet reference the spring time in verses 2:10-13? Metaphorically, in your life, what is important about understanding the concept of seasons?
    • Spring time is the concept of a time for love
    • There is a season for everything in life. Always remember that when you are growing up. In short: act your age!!!!
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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time

There should be amazing desire within the courtship.

What does “Catch us the foxes” mean in verse 15? What is the vineyard? Give some examples of foxes or “problems” in the vineyard?

What is the general attitude of the woman toward the man in our text?

What is the general attitude of the man toward the woman in our text?

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • In the real teen world of 2014, how does a man/woman know when there are problems in the relationship?
    • Women, name some things guys do that indicate they are NOT a person you’d like to continue to date.
    • Men, name some things women do that indicate they are NOT a person you’d like to continue to date.
  • In courtship, you should find spiritual & emotionalgrowth. What if you notice you or your partner are withering spiritually or emotionally?
  • When problems are evident, what is the best thing to do?
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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipDiscussion Time
  • Tommy used the analogy of a fireplace in describing a man-woman relationship. Explain.
      • A fireplace is a place of light & beauty and warmth in your house, but it’s contents must remain in the fireplace, or the house can burn down.
coming soon3

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Coming soon…
  • Skiing/Tubing this afternoon
    • Meet at church 3 pm
    • Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm
    • Return to Church around 7 pm
    • Bring
      • $10 per person
      • Signed waiver
      • Additional money for snacks (optional)
by tommy nelson4

The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person

The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly

The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

Song of Solomon

By Tommy Nelson

4. The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

part 1 the art of attraction in review4

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionIn Review
  • Choose character over looks
  • To prepare for attracting someone
    • Have a profileof the kind of person.
    • Know what you can’t compromiseon.
    • Become the personyour “profile” will want.
part 2 the art of dating in review2

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Part 2: The Art of DatingIn Review

A date is sharing an event with a person

Datingis a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate

Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipIn Review
  • Again, how do we know when we’re ready for Courtship?
    • When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material)
    • You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up”
    • The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.
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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipIn Review
  • The Nine Steps of Courtship
    • Observation – of the other person
    • Edification – you are better because of friend
    • Evaluation – you assess your situation
    • Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no”
    • Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent
    • Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her
    • Resolution– You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner
    • Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person
    • Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have
part 4 the art of courtship in review

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipIn Review

There is a season for everything in life: don’t rush it.

In Courtship, there should be amazing desire for your partner, tethered by self-control.

Both man & woman recognize problems that could mess up their ideal courtship (foxes in the vineyard).

During courtship, both parties should recognize spiritual& emotional growth in one-another.

part 5 the art of intimacy god s blessing on sex

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Part 5: The Art of Intimacy,God’s Blessing on Sex
  • So we’ve seen attraction, dating, courtship, and now…the wedding day.
  • In the text of Song of Solomon 3:6-11, we find the Wedding Procession, where Solomon fetches his bride from her home and brings her to the wedding.
  • In the text of Song of Solomon 4, we witness the wedding night: how God intended sex.
part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 3 6 11

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 3:6-11

6Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense (a.k.a., Old Spice) made from all the spices of the merchant? 7Look! It is Solomon’s carriage (a.k.a. stretch limo), escorted by sixty warriors (a.k.a. Navy SEALS), the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon.

part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 3 6 111

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 3:6-11

10Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold.   Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem. 11Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced.

part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 4 5 1

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 4-5:1

1 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves.   Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead. 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing.   Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely.   Your temples behind your veil (aka, cheeks) are like the halves of a pomegranate. 4 Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.

part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 4 5 11

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 4-5:1

5Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. 6 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee,   I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense. 7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. 8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon.   Descend from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions’ dens and the mountain haunts of the leopards.

part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 4 5 12

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 4-5:1

9 You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace (aka, neckline). 10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! 11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon. 12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.

part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 4 5 13

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 4-5:1

13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, 14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. 15 You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon. 16Awake, north wind, and come, south wind!   Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad.   Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

part 5 the art of intimacy text song of solomon 4 5 14

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyText: Song of Solomon 4-5:1

1 I have come into my garden, mysister, mybride; I have gathered mymyrrh with myspice.   I have eaten myhoneycomb and myhoney; I have drunk mywine and mymilk. Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers.

Now, let’s watch the video…

part 5 the art of intimacy follow up discussion

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyFollow-up Discussion
  • Both Tommy and Doug Fields (in his video series) used a common teaching phrase. Although they stated it differently, with Tommy attributing it to the woman, and Doug Fields attributing it to BOTH partners, they basically said this: “The greatest sex organ in the human body is the mind.”
    • Why did Tommy seem to say that this was important for the man to remember about the woman in the context of the wedding day?
    • Why would it be important for the woman to remember about the man while dating? Vice versa?
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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyFollow-up Discussion
  • In chapter 4, in contrast to the rest of the book, the man does virtually ALL the talking. Why the man? What does he talk about?
  • Why is it significant that the guy describes the woman from her head on down?
    • The woman needs to be romanced top down (vs. 1-6)
    • The man is attracted by sight and scent (vs. 9-10)
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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyFollow-up Discussion
  • What is significant about the “locked garden” in verse 4:12?
    • The woman’s body is likened to a locked garden, a fresh spring, a sealed fountain (v. 12).
  • God paints with history. Why is the picturing of the woman’s body as a garden historically poetic?
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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyFollow-up Discussion
  • Verse 4:16, in a way is like the woman inviting the man, or giving her permission to the man, to have sex with her. Why is this important?
    • He initiates the romance by engaging her mind
    • When she is ready, she invites the man to delight in love.
  • Something happened between the last verse of chapter 4 and the first verse of Chapter 5. What?
  • Why the emphasis on the possessive “my” in 5:1? What does this tell us about the couple now that is different than before the marriage?
part 5 the art of intimacy verse 5 1b in various translations

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyVerse 5:1b in various translations
  • Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. (NIV, 1973)
  • Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.” (NASV, 1960)
  • Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love! (ESV, 2001)
  • Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love! (NLT, 1996)
  • Take meat, O friends; take wine, yes, be overcome with love. (Bible in Basic English, 1965)
  • Eate O ye frendes, drinke and be merie O ye beloued. (Bishop’s Bible, 16th C.)
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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyVerse 5:1b in various translations
  • Eat, O friends; Drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (ASV, 1901)
  • eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (KJV, 1611)
  • Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones! (NKJV, 1982)
  • eat, O friends, and drink, and be inebriated, my dearly beloved. (Douay Bible, 1610)
  • Eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, beloved ones! (J.N. Darby Bible, )
part 5 the art of intimacy verse 5 1b in various translations2

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyVerse 5:1b in various translations
  • eate, O friends, drinke, and make you mery, O welbeloued. (Geneva Bible, 16th C)
  • Eat, friends, and drink! Drink freely, O lovers! (NET, 1996)
  • Eat, friends! Drink, yes, drink abundantly, beloved.   (World English Bible)
  • eat, O friends; drink, yes, drink abundantly, O beloved. (The Noah Webster Bible, 1833)
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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyFollow-up Discussion
  • What is God’s view of sex, based upon Song of Solomon 5:1b, and why do you think people have struggled so long with understanding this?
  • Tommy implies some rather sharp criticism toward “the church” regarding our approach toward teaching folks about sex. How do you think the church should address subjects like romantic relationships, dating, and sex?
coming soon4

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Coming soon…

Tonight, Feb 23, Youth Group at 6:30, led by Matt Skarshaug

Next Sunday, March 2, Youth Committee & Youth Group

Sunday, March 23, ROCK Movie Night at Church

Sunrise Service: need actors, testimonies, musicians (solo, small group, OR praise band)

by tommy nelson5

The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person

The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly

The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

Song of Solomon

By Tommy Nelson

6. The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

part 1 the art of attraction in review5

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Part 1: The Art of AttractionIn Review
  • Choose character over looks
  • To prepare for attracting someone
    • Have a profileof the kind of person.
    • Know what you can’t compromiseon.
    • Become the personyour “profile” will want.
part 2 the art of dating in review3

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Part 2: The Art of DatingIn Review

A date is sharing an event with a person

Datingis a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate

Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

part 3 the art of courtship in review4

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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipIn Review
  • Again, how do we know when we’re ready for Courtship?
    • When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material)
    • You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up”
    • The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.
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Part 3: The Art of CourtshipIn Review
  • The Nine Steps of Courtship
    • Observation – of the other person
    • Edification – you are better because of friend
    • Evaluation – you assess your situation
    • Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no”
    • Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent
    • Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her
    • Resolution– You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner
    • Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person
    • Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have
part 4 the art of courtship in review1

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Part 4: The Art of CourtshipIn Review

There is a season for everything in life: don’t rush it.

In Courtship, there should be amazing desire for your partner, tethered by self-control.

Both man & woman recognize problems that could mess up their ideal courtship (foxes in the vineyard).

During courtship, both parties should recognize spiritual& emotional growth in one-another.

part 5 the art of intimacy in review

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Part 5: The Art of IntimacyIn Review
  • Remember that intimacy begins with the mind
    • It begins in the mind of each partner
    • Men are easily aroused by sight& scent
    • Women need to be romanced
  • The man initiates the romancing
  • The woman invites the intimacy when ready
  • God approves of passionateintimacy within the context of marriage (Song 5:1b)
part 6 the importance of purity god s reasons for it

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy chose NOT to cover the last four chapters of the Song of Solomon in this “Teen” edition of his SOS series.
  • Why?
    • It covers the couple in the married state
    • It’s lessons primarily apply to married folks
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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Poor man’s synopsis of Chapters 5-8
    • Couple have their first misunderstanding (5:2-9)
    • Wife affirms the great featuresof the man (5:10-16)
    • Wife testifies to friends of her love (6:1-3)
    • Husband repeats great attributesof wife (6:4-10)
    • Wife years for her absent husband (6:11-13)
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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Poor man’s synopsis of Chapters 5-8 Cont’d
    • Husband repeats great attributes of wife (7:1-9a)
    • Wife reiterates her longing for husband (7:9b-13)
    • Wife delights in securityof her marriage (8:1-4)
    • Couple affirms their love for one-another (8:5-7)
    • Concluding thoughts & advicefrom wife (8:8-14)
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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Interesting that the woman’s voice of the Song of Solomon, expresses concern about a younger sister at the end of the book:

8 We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for? 9 If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. -- Song 8:8-9

  • What do you think she means?
  • Raise your hand if you have a younger sister. What advice would you give her? What example would you give her?
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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates scripture

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. – Eph 5:3

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates scripture
    • Premarital sex violates anotherperson

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Cor. 13:6

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates scripture
    • Premarital sex violates anotherperson
    • Premarital sex violates the purposeof your body

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; . – 1 Cor. 6:19

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates scripture
    • Premarital sex violates anotherperson
    • Premarital sex violates the purposeof your body
    • Premarital sex violates command for self-control

that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, – 1 Thes. 4:4

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates scripture
    • Premarital sex violates anotherperson
    • Premarital sex violates the purposeof your body
    • Premarital sex violates command for self-control
    • Premarital sex violates your testimony

Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace. – 2 Cor 1:12

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates the church

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:8

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates the church
    • Premarital sex violates your parents

2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” – Eph. 6:2-3

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates the church
    • Premarital sex violates your parents
    • Premarital sex violates your future marriage

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Heb. 13:4

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates the church
    • Premarital sex violates your parents
    • Premarital sex violates your future marriage
    • Premarital sex violates good health

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. – 3 John 2

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Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
  • Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex
    • Premarital sex violates the church
    • Premarital sex violates your parents
    • Premarital sex violates your future marriage
    • Premarital sex violates good health
    • Premarital sex removes your boldness

The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. – Proverbs 28:1

bonus guideline the great relationships commandment

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Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment
  • Not in SOS, but the Great Commandment is a Key verse in all your relationships: friendships, dating, courtship, & marriage.
    • 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” -- Matthew 22:37-40
  • First, you strive to please God in ALL you do (including relationships)
  • Second, in ALL you do (including relationships) you treat others in a way that would please God
bonus guideline the great relationships commandment1

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Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment
  • As applied to dating, the Great Commandment…
    • Tells you if you are ready to date
    • Tells you how to treat others while dating
    • Tells you how to behave on a date
    • Tells you what you can and can’t do on a date
    • Tells you if your relationships are in proper alignment or out of wack
coming to a youth group near you

SOS

Coming to a youth group near you…
  • Tonight: Youth Committee at 6:00
  • ROCK Youth Group at 6:30