Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear from your Consultant You're right; we're billing way too much for this. Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added". How about paying us based on the success of the project?
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A doctor is talking to his car mechanic, "Do you realise that your hourly rate is over twice what we get paid for medical care?"
"Yeah, but think of it this way, Doc. You only have two models that haven't changed since Adam and Eve. But every month we need to learn the latest systems! Come to think of it Doc you and me we are alike you operate on people I operate on machines. You get some one with a heart problem you can operate and take out his heart and fix him up. I get a machine that will not run and I can take out the distributor and fix him up. Very much the same you and me."
The Doc looked at the mechanic and replied, "Try it with the motor running."
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
REAL CAPITALISM You would like two cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!" he shrieked.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh no...." replied the lawyer, looking down and noticing for the first time the bloody stump where his left arm had once been. "Where's my Rolex???"