Protecting God's Children: Diocese of Paterson

1. Take a Workbook and trifold brochure • Please fill out the registration form • Print your name on certificate so it can be signed. • Return both to the baskets on the table. • You will take a certificate home after they are signed. .

2. Lord, we ask you to open our minds, help us to be protectors of children, give us the wisdom and strength to be knowledgeable about these terrible sins, yet filled with hope and courage to move forward to make this world a safe and loving place.

3. Protecting God’s Children Diocese of Paterson

4. Effectsof Abuse • Some felt dirty & ugly • Ashamed of themselves • Confused, don’t comprehend it or know what to do • Feeling that everyone “knows” • Problems with relationships • Substance abuse, depression • Aggressive & violent behaviors, temper, anger • Self-abuse, suicide attempts • Many won’t discuss until adulthood, some never… • Abuse is never the child’s fault !

5. Reasons children don’t tell: • Afraid no one will believe them • They don’t know whom to tell • Fear getting into trouble or afraid to make their parents angry. • Victim is controlled by / dependent on abuser • May have been threatened. • Molester is an adult – adults have power. • They may want to protect the abuser. • “Grooming” / special attention - makes the child feel cared about or loved, may they trust and even “love” the abuser - lack of understanding

6. “Grooming” A means to gain control and cooperation by using progressive steps. a. ) Physical: • Subtle - Gradual – Progressive touching – • Goal of becoming more and more familiar. b.) Psychological: • Gradually shows attention, - develops friendship • Creates a sense of dependence through a “special relationship .” • Tries to create a “wedge” between the child and the parents. c. ) Community: • Offender has gained much respect and trust of the adults in the child’s life • Often community is outraged that offender is accused.

7. About the Perpetrators: • They “Plan” & they are patient • They “blend” with community • They get jobs & find ways to be around children • Most abusers are male; married or have been married • Have the trust of parents & children. • They think the rules don’t apply to them *** • May use their own children to gain access. • Most are either bisexual or heterosexual • Could be any age, male or female, even another child • Most abusers will never be caught • Disordered thinking : • “They love the children • “They are educating the children about sex.” • “The child initiated the contact” or “The child failed to resist "

8. How common is abuse? • 1 of 5 women • 1 of 10 men were sexually abused by age 18 10%of all males 20%of all females*

10. Myths • Myth:Children usually lie about child sexual abuse. • Myth: There is a relationship between sexual abuse and the parent’s income or education. • Myth: Priests abuse children because of celibacy. • Myth:Most sexual abusers are homosexual. Myth:Strangers are responsible for most child sexual abuse.

11. Video 2 A Plan To Protect God’s Children

12. Step One – Know the Warning Signs • More excited to be with children than adults • Discourages other adults from participating, always wants to be alone with children. They don’t follow the rules! • Wants to wrestle or tickle, goes overboard touching, very physical. • Allows children to engage in activities their parents would not allow, breaking curfew, allowing smoking, drugs or alcohol. • Swearing or tells dirty jokes / pornography, talking about sex, seemingly “relating to teens”.

13. NOTwarning signs…., • Dedicated volunteerism • Generosity with time • Always ready to help • Loves working with children • Affectionate people • Willing to work extra hours, and go the extra mile • Great teachers who “reach kids” • Always being “the 1st one” to volunteer

14. Step 2 – Controlling Access • Being Careful about whom we allow to work with our children sends a strong message. • Following safe Human Resource guidelines creates a “culture of safety” in the parish • Interviews, Sterling Background checks, training in Child Sexual Abuse Awareness. • Be a positive role model for others who are resentful of the new guidelines

15. Step 3 – Monitoring Programs • If a child can be separated or secluded during the operations of a program, it is not a safe program. • Child Molesters need the opportunity to abuse – time alone with a child. • Identify activities and games—specific activities involving adults and young people—that should be modified or eliminated (e.g., to eliminate potentially intimate touching such as tickling or wrestling).

16. Step 4 – Being Aware of what is going on… • Pay attention to subtle signs - pay attention to “gut feelings” • “They can tell you anything” • We need to talk about sex with our kids with the right words. • Emphasize that they won’t get in trouble by telling you. • Notice sudden changes in behavior • moody or aggressive • lose interest in school • stop taking care of their personal hygiene

17. Take seriously - always do something…. Warning signs don’t mean the person is a sex offender, but……these are red flags” Discuss concerns with supervisor…Don’t discuss with peers (gossip). Step 5 – Communicate Concerns What should you do when you see warning signs?

18. If You Suspect Abuse: Call Authorities !!! • Report on Suspicion – not proof. • Report – Don’t investigate, leave that to law enforcement. • NJ Law requires reporting suspicions of abuse: DYFS • & County Prosecutors

19. Virtus.org • This one-time session is designed to raise awareness and to begin shifting attitudes about sexual abuse. • Continuing education is needed to support and achieve the goal of creating safe environments. • Available to you on the Virtus website! ⏎