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My Future Mentor Manual. Contents. Welcome to Chance UK!.
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Welcome to Chance UK! We’re delighted to have you on board. You are joining a legacy of 24 years of mentoring in London, all started by one policeman who noticed that the littlest people in his community needed more support. We have about 100 mentors working with children at any given time - welcome to the team! This manual will guide you through what you need to know to volunteer on our programme. You will be expected to read some of it before your mentor training and interview, use it during your training, and continue to refer to it throughout your mentoring journey. Feel free to annotate it - it’s yours. This manual is also available to you digitally, in case you lose this one. If you require a manual large print, or any other format, please do let us know. Your Chance UK journey starts here.
About Chance UK’s work • Chance UK work across a number of London Boroughs with children who are experiencing emotional and behavioural difficulties. We match them with a positive role modelwho meets the child once a week, broadens their horizons through new activities, and provides them with new experiences. Our mentors help the child to: • Identify a future they want and work towards it using the strength and resources they already have • Help raise their self- esteem and self- regulation through fun and challenging goal- orientated activities • Identify goals relating to improving emotional regulation and emotional resilience and help them work towards them • Learn by encouraging a sense of excitement, possibility and worth • Our children come to us because they are facing a range of challenges at school and home, and your role, over the course of nine months, will be to support them to reflect on these challenges andpractise some techniques that yourchild can use to regulate their emotionsand behaviour, all whilst trying out lots of new and fun activities. • The programme will contribute to: • Improved behaviour and thereby reduce the likelihood of participation in anti-social behaviour and crime • Improved health, including mental health (less anxiety, stress, depression) and potentially aspects of physical health (especially lower likelihood of participating in harmful behaviours such as smoking and alcohol and substance use). • Why mentoring? • If children face challenging starts to life, where parents and carers are themselves unable to provide suitable care, the stress, neglect or abuse can lead to children struggling to develop their self-regulation and self-esteem. • Adults can facilitate development of a child’s cognitive control skills by establishing routines, modelling social behaviours, and creative and maintaining supportive, reliable relationships. • Mentors can help facilitate the development of a child’s social and emotional skills by establishing routines, modelling social behaviour, and creating and maintaining supportive, reliable relationships. • The solution-based way of thinking that we use provides children with “scaffolding” that helps them practise necessary skills in a safe space before they must perform them alone.
Chance UK’s My Future programme • Why the My Future programme? • The programme that you have been offered a place to train on operates in Camden and Southwark, and is based around a curriculum carefully constructed to address social, emotional and behaviour needs. • You will focus on the social and emotional skills of self-regulation and self-esteem, defined later in the manual. As a mentor you will support your child on their individualised journey from the base of the mountain to its peak, recognising that each child is unique and no two journeys are the same - be ready for challenges and be tenacious in the face of adversity! • We have carefully developed the My Future programme alongside a range of experts,current mentors, past mentors, Chance UK staff, and the Dartington Service Design Lab. • The core changes to the programme include a curriculum of structured activities that support in developing social and emotional skills; group sessions delivered by a professional that are designed to equip child and mentor with strategies and techniques to drive the change; and parental involvement where this is possible. • The long-term individual mentoring you’ll deliver is split into three phases (begin, focus, end) all of which have an emphasis on having fun, building the relationship, identifying strengths, working on goals and practising skills. • The mentoring will contribute to two ultimate outcomes: • Reducing the child’s behaviour difficulties, with a particular focus on externalisingbehaviour problems such as physical and verbal aggression. • Reducing the child’s emotional difficulties, including worries, fears, unhappiness and insecurity.
Key aspects of the My Future programme Over the course of the nine months you’ll focus on the social and emotional skills of self-regulation (1-3) and self-esteem (4-5)which we have broken into five components: Child’s ability to recognise and name their emotions Child’s ability to identify and manage triggers Child’s ability to set and achieve goals Child’s ability to name their own strengths Child’s ability to keep going when things are tough (resilience levels) The curriculum activities have been designed to meet these outcomes and ‘The Mountain’ exercise will be used to review your child’s progress along the journey to their future self. Your role as a mentor will be to guide your child on their individualised journey from the base of the mountain to its peak, supported by the tools in this manual and your Programme Manager.
How do we know which colour we’re on? It might be difficult for your child to know where they are on the mountain. The sentences you might guide your child to or hear below can give you some sense of how to infer where the child is on the journey. (Red): “I’m stuck here, and I think nothing is going to change.” (Orange): “I’m finding it really tricky but it looks like things could change.” (Yellow): “ I’m working on it now and other people are helping me” (Green): “ I can normally do this now” (Blue): “ I’ve reached my goal!. Things are where I want them to be!” .
Key aspects of the My Future Programme programme • Why SE skills? • Children practice self-regulation by playing games, teamwork, learning new skills, and successfully managing at school/home. Positive outcomes from these tasks strengthens the brain’s pathways for them, so children are able to do them more – in other words, they become good at self-regulation. Intense stress during childhood prevents these self-regulatory pathways developing, instead strengthening the fight-flight-freeze systems. By focusing on practising any ofthe self-regulation pathways that a child might already have, and building new pathways where needed, we can increase their ability to manage through stressful times without resorting to their automatic ‘stress response’. We can build stronger brain pathways through practice in focussed areas, which builds capabilities for life. • "You can think of self-regulation in terms of how a thermostat works. A thermostat is set to kick on or off to keep a room at a certain desired temperature—a “set point.” To do that, it needs to keep track of temperature changes, compare them to the set point, and “know” whether to heat or cool the room to get back to the desired temperature. • When it comes to self-regulation, your child also has a “set point.” It’s when she’s able to manage her emotions and behaviour in appropriate ways. • To maintain that level of control, she needs to keep track of changes in her situation or environment. She needs to assess how she’s feeling and reacting, compared to her set point. And shehas to know what adjustments to make in order to get back to that point." • Source: https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/sensory-processing-issues/trouble-with-self-regulation-what-you-need-to-know • What do we mean by self-esteem? • A child’s self-esteem is how much value they have for themselves and how important they believe they are in their world. It’s tied to feeling capable. Positive self-esteem is vital to help children imagine and achieve a future they want to have • When children value themselves they’re confident and secure about who they are, they’re better able to face and manage their challenges. • Chance UK mentors can help boost their child’s self-esteem by ensuring that on sessions the child has opportunity to: • Feel respected • Practise resilience and feel proud, even when they make a mistake • Take responsibility for their actions • Feel comfortable and secure in forming relationships • Have the courage to believe in their own values and make good decisions, even in • the face of peer pressure
The Curriculum indetail: Begin • Key aims during Month 1: • Introduction, establish rapport with child and main carer, establish child’s start point • Setting out expectations, roles and purpose of mentoring • Talking through why the child is on the programme • Building on the code of conduct to create some personalised rules of engagement • Key aim during Month 2: • Exercises on challenges sheet will effectively be mini goals linked to identifying how your child currentlycopes with: • Recognising and naming their emotions • Identifying and managing triggers • Setting and achieving goals • Naming their own strengths • Keeping going when things are tough (resilience ) • Key aims during Month 3: • Reflect on challenges and create goals for mentoring focussed on behaviour change • Celebrate your child’s strengths and their achievements so far • Three-month goal setting and mountain exercise review in supervision with your Programme Manager. Mentor to share gaols with parent.
T h e c u r ri c u l u m i ndetail:Focus • Instead of splitting curriculum by month, this phase is split by group activities. After each group activity that you and your child attend, you will have three sessions’ worth of follow-up curriculum to consolidate learning and apply it in the ‘real-world’. • Key aims: • Acquire additional resources around developing self-regulation and self-esteem chance to practise improved behaviour with peers • Mentors to see their child in a group setting • Mentor to consolidate understanding of self-regulation and self-esteemand pick up tools for modelling and supporting their child to develop these further
The curriculum in detail: Explore detailExplore • Key aims during Month 8(using the Ending Plan document): • Things we have learned • Reflecting on best sessions • Planning the last eight weeks • Supporting your child to identify the other positive adult relationships in their life • Opportunities for child to practice some of the new skills with less supervision • Preparing celebration session • Key aims during Month 9: • Tracking our mentoring journey and scaling • Remembering our best hopes and how we worked to achieve these • Reflecting on how we’ve coped with challenges • Opportunities for child to practice some of the new skills with less supervision • Continuing to make preparations for our celebration session • Endings meeting - PM and parent/carer + PM and mentor
Documenting your progress Session Reports After each mentoring session mentors submit an online session report. These reports are automatically submitted to your ProgrammeManager, who uses them to ensure mentoring is happening in a safe and effective way and to prepare for monthly supervisions. Session reports are a key part of how we safeguard our children and ensure that you and your child are making progress towards the programme outcomes, as such, these must be submitted as soon as possible after each session has finished.
Documenting your progress Supervisions and Support Supervisions are monthly meetings between you and your Programme Manager. Your Programme Manager is the staff member who will guide you through your mentoring journey. They may also maintain contact with your child’s school, their parent/carer, and any other professionals involved. In these monthly meetings you will have an opportunity to discuss how the mentoring is going and reflect on the highs and lows. Your programme Manager will encourage you to reflect on how you are planning sessions and support you to ensure that activities are aligned with the desired outcome, whilst coaching you to develop your skills as a mentor.
Training • Our training is designed to put applicants in the best position for success as a Chance UK mentor. It is essential that everyone who applies completes all days of training. Our training covers key elements including: • The Chance UK solution-focused approach, the theory that underpins all our work with children and families • Identifying inner resources and developing them in children • How to plan and run your mentoring sessions • How to deliver our mentoring curriculum and adapt it • Keeping you and your child safe • Meet existing mentors • Discussions with other trainees and the staff team • Interview booking • Whilst you are at training, we will require you to demonstrate the following qualities: • Punctuality: Be on time and in touch if delayed • Sensitivity and consideration towards others • Willingness to take part in activities to the best of your ability • Adaptability to work within the solution focussed and trauma informed approach • Empathy and understanding in order to be child-centredand appropriatewhen discussing children and their families • There will be ample opportunity to ask questions and reflect on the learning throughout the training.
Approaches: Solution-focussed • What is it? • As the name implies, the solution-focussed approach is a structured way to imagine and construct solutions to problems rather than focussing on the problems themselves. In the mentoring context, it is about identifying the future the child wants using their strengths and inner resources to get there. • The Solution Focused approach was developed in America in the 1980s by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg. After spending many years studying problem behaviour and trying to change it they switched to studying 'solution behaviour' and how to promote it! The approach wasbrought to the UK by BRIEF (see www.brief.org.uk) and is now used by a wide range of organisations - from Social Services and youth offending teams to the NSPCC. The solution-focussed approach is highly regarded around the world. • How does it relate to the My Future programme? • All of Chance UK’s programmes are underpinned by the principles and practices of the solution-focussed approach. The curriculum that you will be delivering on the My Future programme uses these principles, and during your training you will learn how to have solution-focusedconversations with your child. You will be expected to approach all aspects of mentoring ina solution-focussed way, and to feel confident in using the tools that we will teach you. • What do Ineed toknow? • What the solution-focused approach is and why Chance UK use it - you should be • able to explain it easily to a friend in a way that makes sense to you • The names and definitions of the two components and seven tools that comprise the solution-focused approach (see overleaf) • How to use the seven tools during mentoring • Different ways that you would adapt the tools to suit the child with whom you are matched • How will I learn this? • Before training we expect you to read about the solution-focused approach and ensure that you understand its purpose • Before training we expect you to learn the names of the components and tools,what each of them means, and to write down any questions you have • During training we will teach you how to put them all into practice and how to adaptthem for different children’s needs • Once you’ve started mentoring your Programme Manager will support you with implementing the tools in session during your monthly supervisions
Miracle question Imagine you wake up tomorrow and a miracle has happened- your problem is gone! What would be different? Who would notice the changes?
Trauma-informed approach What is it? Traumatic experiences may include things that do happen (like being hit, being sexually abused, or being called names and being put down by caregivers); and may also include things that don’t happen or that there’s not enough of (like not being taken care of and not having enough to eat). They may include things that happen on purpose (like someone intentionally hurting you), and may also include things that are out of people’s control (like experiencing a tornado or other natural disaster). Traumatic events may affect just you and happen in secret, or they may be very public and affect large groups of people. www.arcframework.org The trauma-informed approach is one that takes into consideration the impact trauma can have on a child, recognising the signs and symptoms of trauma and understanding how this may impact on the child’s manifested behaviour. How does it relate to the My Future programme? Our evidence shows that Chance children have been through a number of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and may have encountered trauma, which is often behind the externalising behaviours they may show. Therefore, it is important for mentors to consider all behaviour through a ‘trauma lens”. Our children have been developing their survival skills for a long time, and may not have had as much practice at developing their self regulation skills – e.g. resolving conflict calmly, understanding their triggers and responding positively to stressful situations. We can never fully understand how they process their trauma which can make it tricky for us to anticipate triggers until we start to witness the survival skills our children have developed. “The more adverse experiences in childhood, the greater the likelihood of developmental delays and later health problems.” Source: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/toxic-stress/
Managing challenging behaviour: The Trauma Informed Approach • What do I need to know? • What the trauma-informed approach is and why Chance UK use it - you should be • able to explain it easily to a friend in a way that makes sense to you • How to respond to scenarios that may arise on sessions because of your child’s underlying trauma • Techniques to draw on to help de-escalate situations • How will I learn this? • Before training we expect you to read about the trauma-informed approach and ensure that you understand its purpose • During training we will teach you how to be mindful of this approach when working with your child • Once you’ve started mentoring your Programme Manager will ensure that you continue to be supported with using this approach • How does this affect children? • When we experience danger or threat, our brain releases hormones to enableus to survive in these situations – this is known as the fight, flight or freeze response. • Overtime,thebrainofchildrenwhohaveexperienced traumawillphysicallychangeandtheymayrespondto avarietyoftriggersasifitistheoriginaltraumaticexperience. • Asmentors,youwillnotalwaysknowwhatthesetriggers arebut you are likely to see their fight, flight or freeze responses. • Iceberg theory • A useful way to consider behaviour is through iceberg theory • – only 10% of what is happening for someone is visible (that is via their behaviour), the other 90% is deep below the water! • During mentoring you will need to consider what might be going on underneath the surface in order to be able to support your child best. 19
Safeguarding “The action that is taken to promote the welfare of children and protect them from harm” www.nspcc.org.uk Your role as a mentor is to recognise, report, and record any signs of abuse. It is important to remember that in all matters of child protection, the welfare of the child is paramount – this means that your child’s safety is the most important thing, and you must report any concerns even if you feel it might upset the adults around them. Safeguarding concerns are rare and may not come up during your mentoring year, however you must ensure that you understand and are able to follow our policies in case a concern does arise. If you have any questions about safeguarding then please contact a Programme Manager – it may also be helpful to read more on the NSPCC website, and to read our full safeguarding policy on the Chance UK website. TheDesignated Safeguarding Lead atChanceUK is Ross Adams. If youhave any concerns about our safeguarding policies, or feel that yourProgrammeManager is not responding appropriately, then please contact Ross on: ross.adams@chanceuk.com 0207 281 5858 ext 208
“Child abuse is any action by another person – adult or child – that causessignificant harm to a child” • NSPCC, 2018 • There are four types of abuse, and we have listed some possible indicators of each type below. Remember that possible indicators are just that – possible! They are not definite evidence that abuse is taking place. By recognising, recording, and reporting possible indicators we can ensure that an expert will follow up to check that a child is safe. • Emotional: ongoing emotional maltreatment of a child • Telling a child that they are worthless, unloved, inadequate • Seeing or hearing someone else be hurt (e.g. witnessing domestic violence) • Placing inappropriate expectations on a child • Preventing normal social interaction, learning or exploration • Making a child feel frightened or in danger (e.g. bullying) • Signs can include change in behaviour (e.g. becoming withdrawn or anxious), sudden speech disorders, persistent tiredness, changes in weight, developing obsessions/ phobias, self-harm, being scared of making mistakes, inappropriate relationships or fear of peers/adults • 2. Physical: deliberately hurting a child and causing injuries • Inflicting violence that is not accidental – e.g. hitting, kicking, poisoning, burning, slapping or throwing things at a child • Shaking or hitting babies • Making up or causing the symptoms of illness in a child – e.g. giving them medicine they don’t need and making them unwell • Failing to act to protect a child (omission of care) • Signs can include injuries or marks with inconsistent explanations, injuries that are unlikely to occur accidentally (e.g. neck or upper arms), untreated injuries, burn marks, bite marks, bruises with finger or hand marks, scalding, reoccurring infections or stomach pains, under-nourishment or inadequate care, child flinching when approached/touched, being fearful of parents/carers, aggressive outbursts, reluctance to get changed
Sexual – being forced or persuaded to take part in sexual activities • The age of consent to any sexual activity (including online) is 16, therefore any activity with a child under 16 is against the law • A child may not know that what is happening to them is abuse, and may not understand that it is wrong • Adults or young people of either sex can sexually abuse children • Sexual abuse may involve physical contact, but a child does not have to experience physical contact to be sexually abused • Signs can include pain, itching, genital discomfort, pain when sitting down, genital • discharge, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), pregnancy, sexual knowledge beyond their age, using sexual language or drawing sexual images, acting in sexually explicit ways, bedwetting, nightmares, self-harm, having secrets they cannot tell anyone, being fearful of specific adult(s), unexplained sources of money, sudden changes in behaviour • Neglect: ongoing failure to meet a child's basic needs • Leaving a child hungry or dirty, without adequate clothing, shelter, supervision, medical or health care • Endangering a child or not protecting them from physical or emotional harm • Unresponsiveness to a child's basic emotional needs • Signs can include constant hunger, stealing food, change in weight, being constantly dirty or smelly, having no appropriate clothing for the weather, complaining of being tired all the time, not accessing medical care when needed, mentioning being left alone or unsupervised, sudden changes in behaviour, missing lots of school for unexplained reasons • Overleaf are different safeguarding actions that you may need to take during your mentoring, and some examples of when each action would be appropriate. This is not an exhaustive list, and all real-life situations will require you to make a judgement call. • If in doubt, call Children’s Social Care or the NSPCC for advice: • Camden Children’s Social Care: 0207 974 4444 • Southwark Children’s Social Care: 0207 525 5000 • NSPCC: 0808 800 5000
We expect you to respond to any safeguarding concerns you have about the child you are mentoring, as well as any under-18s or vulnerable adults in the home. Below are examples of concerns that might arise during mentoring, and how we expect you to respond. If you are ever unsure which category your concern fits in, be cautious. For example if you can’t choose between recording on your session form and reporting to Chance ASAP, report it.
Disclosures • If a child tells you something that indicates they are experiencing some kind of abuseit is important that you follow Chance UK’s disclosure procedure carefully: • Ensure you are in an appropriate space • Can you hear what they are saying? • Are you able to focus and respond appropriately? • Let them know that you cannot keep anything confidential • At this stage, your child may decide to stop what they are saying. This is their choice, and it is okay! • Thank them for starting the conversation and let them know you are there if they would like to continue at any point. You must still report this conversation • Allow them to speak uninterrupted - active listening! • Listen, without interruption • Use body language and non-verbal communication to let them know you are listening • Allow silences to occur – wait until the child is ready to speak / has finished speaking • Remain calm and non-judgemental • Your child may say something that shocks or upsets you • It is important to stay calm and professional – try to put your own emotions and feelings to one side whilst your child is speaking to you • Your Programme Manager will support you afterwards • Ask only clarifying questions, using their own words to ensure that you understand what they have told you • If the disclosure goes to court as evidence, any questions you ask may be deemed ‘leading’ and will mean the evidence cannot be used • Only ask questions to ensure you understand – e.g., “What you have told me is … is that correct?” • Ask what they need right now • For example, a drink / walk / run around / to go home • Let them know what you will do next and reassure them • Explain that you will tell someone who can help and et them know when you will do this – e.g. if the child is in immediate danger, that you will call someone now • Thank them for talking to you! They have been very brave and done the right thing
Remember: the 3 R’s for allconcerns You must respond to all safeguarding concerns you notice during mentoring. Our framework for responding to safeguarding concerns is the three R’s: Recognisesigns of abuse. Be vigilant, taking all concerns seriously. Ensure you understand what abuse is Report to Chance UK, Social Services or 999. Time is crucial so report as soon as it is safe to Do so, sticking to the facts (not giving your opinions). If you are not sure what to do then call Social Services for advice – you can seek anonymous advice without giving yourchild’s details. The Social Worker will ask you for the child’s details if they feel your concern needs following up immediately. Record what you have noticed on your session report, ensuring you are objective and factual. If you are recording something a child has said then make sure you use their words only – do not re-phrase or interpret what they said. Safeguarding summary • It is likely that a safeguarding concern of some kind will arise during your mentoring year, so you must make sure that you feel confident in how to respond. • Once you have been matched withachild, your Programme Manager will send you a summary of their background including anyconcerns relating to them. During your induction you will be able to ask specific questions relating to your child’s situation, and will have the opportunity to re-visit safeguarding procedures with your particular child in mind. • If you are ever in doubt about a concern, shout about it! You can tell: • Your Programme Manager • Chance UK’s Designated Safeguarding Lead, Ross Adams • Children’s Social Care or the NSPCC
Adapting curriculum • Preparation is key! Before working on any aspect of the curriculum, consider: • Is this activity appropriate for my child’s age and ability? • If not, how will I bridge the gap? • See adaptations grid on each month (pages 28 – 30 and 35 - 37) for suggestions of how to make each curriculum item easier or harder, depending on your child – this is just a starting point that you’ll need to bring your own ideas to, as you are the expert on your child! • Introduce a concept, term, or idea before the session during which you plan to • ‘officially’ work on it. This will help your child feel prepared, confident, and involved inthe process. Try Googling key words together, discussing, or drawing a picture • If you’re unsure what will work best for them, offer 2-3 options that you feel will workand be beneficial. Try to do this step the session before you plan to complete the activity so that you are able to plan effectively for whatever they choose • Given the activity you have decided on together, consider what support they will need to complete it successfully. Think about what success would look like, how that might go wrong, and what you can do to mitigate this • What’s the point of this piece of curriculum (i.e. what learning objective we trying to • achieve)? How can I bring this to life? • What’s flexible when we’re doing this? What are the non-negotiables / boundaries? • How might my plans for completing this curriculum fail? • What can I do to get around this? • Once you have your plan, consider timings: • Agree with your child how long you’ll spend on the task, and be prepared to negotiate within your boundaries. To keep to time, you could try: setting a timer on yourphone, sitting in front of a clock, using a sand/egg timer, or using a special mentoringwatch. Where appropriate, put the child in charge of timekeeping so that they feel in control • Make a timetable for the session! Add pictures and how long you’ll spend on each task / where you will go to do each bit. You may find this works best as a laminated sheet / on your whiteboard – ask your Programme Manager if you need something laminating!
Make a countdown strip – if there are multiple components to the work youneed todo, make a numbered strip for your child to help them visualise how much is left to do. Use counters, whiteboard pens, or stickers to show when each task is complete –again, you may want to have a laminated strip that you can use repeatedly • Consider when during a session your child is at their best and therefore when to dothe assigned work. If they are quiet and unforthcoming at the start, do something different first (like play in the park) then try focus on the curriculum once they havewarmed up. If towards the end of sessions their concentration wanders or they become over-excited, start with the key task and move on to something else afterwards • Before starting to work on the piece of curriculum, consider your child’s context: • How are they? Do you know that they have just had an argument at home or atough day at school? If so, start your session with something feel-good that will helpget your child in the right headspace for mentoring • If they are showing you by theirbehaviour that they are not going to be able to manage working on curriculum today, change the plan! There is no point forcing a specific piece of work if it is likely to fail today – do something else and try again next week • Where are you trying to complete this curriculum? If the environment is not right orthere are too many distractions, go somewhere else! • How can you ensure the tasks are relevant to your child? What’s happening in their • life right now that will help them to contextualise this and find meaning in it? • Learning styles are important, and variable! • There are many definitions and theories about learning styles, which are not necessary for mentoring – however it’s useful to have an idea of the different kinds of waysto run activities with yourchild • Everyone prefers different styles of learning at different times, and most people canidentify a style that they prefer most often – you might find that one style works mostoften with your child, or that you can spot a pattern of when different styles work • Remember to be flexible and try lots of different ways of engaging your child. Youmight notice that they are more visual on certain days, and more kinaesthetic on others. This may depend on their mood, how their day/week has been, or simply theactivity you want to do
Finally, if it’s not working, use the ABC model: Ask… … “It seems like you’re upset/angry/bored, what’s going on?” Boundaries.. …consider what needs to happen for this session to be safe and successful (what outcomes you need to meet) Remind the child of these boundaries Choice… …give your child a choice based on the boundaries, e.g. “Okay, thanks for letting me know you’re finding this boring. We still need to talk about [whatever you’re doing], but we can do it in a way that you want. The choices are to stay here, go outside, or go on the computer. Which would you prefer?” It might be difficult for the child to verbalise their choice if they’re upset, at this point you can get them to point to it using the ‘Wheel of Choice’ which should make it easier.
Month 1: Establish Mind Mapping
Month 4 I can manage the way I am feeling This learning objective might include sub-skills or ‘steps on the way’ such as: •I know when I am starting to become overwhelmed by my feelings •I can tell you my triggers for becoming angry •I understand what happens in my body and my brain when I get very angry •I understand the links between what I think, what I feel and how I behave •I know some strategies for calming myself down and managing my anger •I understand what impulse-control is and have some strategies for helping myself stop and think before I act.
Month 5 • I can tell you some things that I am good at • This learning objective might include sub-skills or ‘steps on the way’ such as: • I know some ways that I am special • I can tell you something I am proud of • I can accept a compliment • I can tell you what other people like about me
Month 6 I can achieve a goal to change my behaviour; Note that this will be set as a learning outcome at the end of the sessions to be worked on with the child’s mentor, as a process is already in place within the mentoring process for working on goals. The learning process may help to develop subskills linked to this objective such as: • I can set a (SMART) goal for myself • I can break my plan down into little steps which I know I can succeed at • I can tell you what might get in my way and how I’m going to get round obstacles • I can concentrate when I choose to and ignore distractions
Month 7 I can keep going when things are hard and overcome feelings of disappointment; Note that this will be a subsidiary learning outcome (concerned with persistence and resilience – bouncebackability) which children will work towards during a number of the activities across the sessions. The learning process may help to develop subskills linked to this objective such as: • I can keep going even when it’s tough • I know some ways of dealing with feelings of boredom or frustration • I can bounce back after a disappointment or mistake
Session planning • Preparation is key! Before working on any aspect of the curriculum, consider: • Is this activity appropriate for my child’s age and ability? • If not, how will I bridge the gap? • See grid on each page of curriculum for suggestions of how to make each curriculum item easier or harder, depending on your child – this is just a starting point that you’ll need to bring your own ideas to, as you are the expert on your child! • Introduce a concept, term, or idea before the session during which you plan to ‘officially’ work on it. This will help your child feel prepared, confident, and involved in the process. Try Googling key words together, discussing, or drawing a picture • If you’re unsure what will work best for them, offer 2-3 options that you feel will work and be beneficial. Try to do this step the session before you plan to complete the activity so that you are able to plan effectively for whatever they choose • Given the activity you have decided on together, consider what support they will need to complete it successfully. Think about what success would look like, how that might go wrong, and what you can do to mitigate this • What’s the point of this piece of curriculum (i.e. what learning objective we trying to achieve)? How can I bring this to life? • What’s flexible when we’re doing this? What are the non-negotiables / boundaries? • How might my plans for completing this curriculum fail? • What can I do to get around this?
Session planning • Once you have your plan, consider timings: • Agree with your child how long you’ll spend on the task, and be prepared to negotiate within your boundaries. To keep to time, you could try: setting a timer on your phone, sitting in front of a clock, using a sand/egg timer, or using a special mentoring watch. Where appropriate, put the child in charge of timekeeping so that they feel in control • Make a timetable for the session! Add pictures and how long you’ll spend on each task / where you will go to do each bit. You may find this works best as a laminated sheet / on your whiteboard – ask your Programme Manager if you need something laminating! • Make a countdown strip – if there are multiple components to the work you need to do, make a numbered strip for your child to help them visualise how much is left to do. Use counters, whiteboard pen, or stickers to show when each task is complete – again, you may want to have a laminated strip that you can use repeatedly • Consider when during a session your child is at their best and therefore when to do the assigned work. If they are quiet and unforthcoming at the start, do something different first (like play in the park) then try focus on the curriculum once they have warmed up. If towards the end of sessions their concentration wanders or they become over-excited, start with the key task and move on to something else afterwards
For any relationship to be successful, we need effective communication and appropriate boundaries. Mentors will need to take the lead on both of these during mentoring! • Active Listening • Active listening is a skill we all do better at once learned and practiced. To begin being an active listener we must first understand the five rules of active listening. • Understand before you seek to be understood • Be non- judgemental • Give your individual attention to the speaker • Use silence effectively • Useful ways to ask questions • Once your active listening skills have been sharpened you can get to the more difficult conversations. • Talking about emotions • Manymentorsand children find talking about emotionsduring mentoring a minefield. YourProgramme Manager is here to support you in adapting how you do this with your particular child, and will cover this with you during supervisions. This section has guidelines and tips that have been tried and tested by mentors with a range of children. Try a few and see which work for you! • Talking when your child doesn't want to talk: how to have effective discussions about emotions in 60 seconds/bring emotions into everyday conversation: • Comment on everything with an emotion – e.g. “That bus driver seemed unhappy, didn’t she? I wonder if she’s feeling sad because some of her passengers have been rude today” • Follow up with questions about hypothetical situations – e.g. “If you were a bus driver, what would you say to a passenger who was being rude?” • Give your own (careful) opinion – e.g. “If I was a bus driver and a passenger was rude to me, I think that I’d try to remember they might also be having a rubbish day and • are feeling sad. I’d try to smile at them so that they feel like someone is on their side” • Play silly guessing games about emotions – e.g. “Can you see that man out of the window? I think he looks so happy! I bet he’s happy because this morning his dog did a handstand then made him a bacon sandwich. Why do you think he’s happy?”
Talk about your own emotions consistently – e.g. “Guess what, I had a really good day yesterday because I worked hard on a project and I felt really proud. But then this morning someone pushed me on the tube and I felt so cross. I had to walk away and listen to my music to feel better. Shall we play each other our favourite songs at the moment?” • What next? When your child talks about emotions, but you’re not sure how to take it further: • Role-play with mentor playing the child in whatever situation the child is upset about, • and the child playing whoever has made them upset – try out some different ways you can react, including recreating how they acted in the moment • Give scenarios of conflict from work (hypothetical or real) for child to ‘solve’ – e.g. “What should I do if my boss shouts at me at work because I was late?” • Ask what they would tell a friend to do if their friend was in the same situation • Take photos/videos of each other acting out different emotions – having silly props to • hand (like the Chance UK dressing up box) can make this even better • Bring ‘choice’ into every conversation – remember that the only person who can make someone feel angry is themselves – so we always have a choice. Identify the choices that both of you make in response to every situation, and what other choices are available • Top tips for discussing emotions: • When a child says something was ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ask for more details – e.g. “How come it was a good day at school? What was the best thing that happened?” • Pick your moments and be an opportunist – the best time to bring up emotions is when you are both calm, relaxed, and able to pay attention without the discussion being your sole focus. Good opportunities are when walking somewhere, on the bus/tube, playing card games, having a kick about, doing your scrapbook, waiting in queues… Be creative! • Avoid starting discussions when your child is agitated, upset, or distracted by something – some days you will not get a great response. Test the water, and move on if it’s • not right
Relate to them with honest, appropriate stories from when you were a child – e.g. • “Sometimes I used to get so angry with my dad that I wanted to hit something. I used to go and scream into my pillow instead and it actually really helped, and I didn’t get in trouble for doing it because it’s silent!” A good way to decide if a story is worth sharing with your child is to ask yourself “What would X gain from this story?” – if you are unsure then discuss with your Programme Manager before bringing it up • Consider how much you mention your emotions in your dad-to-day life, and ramp it • up! If emotions are part of your daily conversations, you are likely to find it easier to bring them into mentoring sessions. Try naming emotions as part of your normal conversations and see who in your life starts reciprocating! • Incorporate games/activities into sessions that build on self-regulation of emotions – • - For 5-7sandFor 7-9sandFor 9-12s • Read a book or watch a film and talk about how the characters felt and acted, as well as how you and the child would act if you were in that position – • Younger link and Older link
Other practical and useful information Please read this through between now and your interview Self-disclosure in Chance UK The purposeof this document is to provide guidance to volunteer mentors about what they should andshould not disclose about themselves to Chance UK, the child that they are matched with and the child’sfamily. As an organisation we value diversity among our volunteers and work in line with our equal opportunities policy. We ask that volunteers disclose certain information to us to help us in matching them with the most appropriate child and family. We do not use this information to exclude anyone from becoming a volunteermentor. Whilst we work in an inclusive way, we recognise that some of the families that we work with may not be as open-minded. We do not want the children to miss out on getting further support due to their family’s viewsand so need to take care when matching volunteer mentor with child. The Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) below have been put together as guidance to volunteer mentors. Ifthere is anything that you do not understand, have further questions about or makes you feel uncomfortable, please do speak to a member of staff. What does disclosure mean? Disclosure is information offered or shared verbally or non-verbally about the mentor’s personal life, to a third party, e.g. parent, child, Chance UK or the media. What does child-centred disclosure mean? Child-centred disclosure within Chance UK means that information about the volunteer mentor is shared only if the child asks and then only if relevant, appropriate and beneficial to the child. This disclosure can be verbal or non-verbal. In terms of non-verbal disclosure, volunteer mentors need to consider the impact of their behaviour, clothing, accessories etc on the child. The child is likely to share anything you disclose with his/her family. The family’s reaction to any disclosure may have an impact on the mentoring, so this will need to be considered when deciding what to disclose. For example, if the child asked about your religious beliefs, you could feel that there is a benefit to the child in having that discussion. The parent may feel quite differently about what you have disclosed and this could have a negative impact on your relationship with the parent, potentially to the point that they may want to terminate the relationship. How do people disclose? Disclosure can be expressed in a variety of ways. These may include, but are not restricted to, verbally, in writing, through act or omission.
When is disclosure appropriate? The appropriateness of disclosure depends on the subject to be disclosed, the manner of the disclosure and the person to whom the information is to be disclosed. Broadly speaking, disclosures should be made only if relevant and beneficial to the mentoring and age-appropriate. Within sessions they should be child-led. Inappropriate disclosure runs the risk of having a negative effect on the relationship or child and could promote negative behaviour. What should I do if Iam unsure whether to disclose? If there is something that you are concerned about, please do discuss this at interview. Once the mentoring has started, if you are thinking about whether or not to disclose something about yourself to the child or family,speak to your Programme Manager about the appropriateness of this information and how to approach thesubject. If a child asks you a question that you are not sure whether to respond to, you need to try to move the conversation on. In training we will look at some ways of managing these situations. IfIdon’t want to answer a question, should Ilie? No. It is important to have an honest relationship and by lying about yourself you start to create difficultieswithin the relationship. This will cause particular issues later on if you are unable to sustain the lie and getcaught out, causing a loss of trust between you and the child. As lying is an issue for some of our children, it isimportant that our volunteer mentors role model the positive behaviour that we expect. In training we will lookat some ways of managing these situations so that you do not feel that you need to lie. What happens if a disclosure causes a problem with a child or parent? Your Programme Manager is here to help you in situations like this. So, too, are all the staff at Chance UK. Youcan discuss the issues caused by this disclosure and the best way forward. If necessary your Programme Manager can support you by talking to the family. Should Idiscuss my criminal record with Chance UK or the child? As it is an essential part of your selection process, you do need to disclose this to Chance UK. Not all criminaloffences stop you from becoming a volunteer mentor with Chance UK and you will be able to talk this throughwith a member of staff prior to getting your enhanced Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) disclosure. Everything that you discuss with the staff will be confidential to the organisation. Our mentoring is child-centred. Disclosing your criminal history to the child or family is of no benefit to the childand could be detrimental as it could affect how they view you as their mentor. You can still have a discussionaround crime without making it specific to you. Should I disclose my health/disability to Chance UK or the child? On the application form you need to disclose any issue of health or disability that might impact on your mentoring. This may be talked through in interview and in supervision. Should a health or disability issue come up during the mentoring, you should let your Programme Manager know. It may never be relevant to disclose this to the child and/or family. If it becomes so, you will need to plan this with your Programme Manager.
Can I introduce the child to my family and friends? No. The mentoring is a one-to-one relationship and it is important that your focus be on the child rather thanelsewhere. If you were to bring along your own children then your focus would be directed away from the child, which might have a detrimental effect on the child (e.g. arousing jealousy). Introducing the child to your family and friends would allow him or her access to your private life, which wouldlimit your ability to separate the mentoring from the rest of your life. It may also cause problems with the closure of the relationship, as the child may have retained access to these other people in your life. There is also a child protection issue here. You, as a Chance UK volunteer, go through a rigorous selection process, including application, references, DBS and interview, which allows us to ensure the protection of vulnerable children. Any other adults that you may wish to introduce the child to have not been through this processand so we cannot allow them access to the child. Can Irelate the child’s situation to my current situation? There may be times when it is appropriate to relate what is happening in a child’s life to what is happening inyour own life. It is important to ensure that you are not “offloading” your own difficulties onto the child (e.g. ifthe child says he has had a terrible week at school it would not be appropriate to respond by telling the childhow terrible your week has been). Any response relating your own experience to the child’s must be done ina solution-focussed way, relating the positive steps you have taken to deal with the situation without getting bogged down in too much personal detail. It is also an opportunity to identify your own inner resources andshare these with the child, helping the child then to think about how to develop these inner resources themselves. Should Idisclose my income? Volunteer mentors should not disclose their income to their childor his/her parents/carers. This is because itis of no benefit to the mentoring, and if you are a high earner it might make parents/ carers feel inadequate oruncomfortable about what they can provide for their family. You are allocated a £30 budget every month to spend on mentoring activities. It is important to operate withinthis budget as this promotes the use of local facilities that the child can continue to use once the mentoringhas ended. Therefore your income is of no relevance. Can Itell the child or family about my job? It is acceptable to tell the child and his/her family about your job in broad terms, e.g. I work for a bank, I am ateacher. There are certain jobs that, because of the nature of the families that we work with, we would needto disclose to the families prior to confirming a match, e.g. police officer, judge, social worker. This would be inorder to ensure that they were comfortable entering into that relationship. Sharing details of what you do for aliving can be aspirational and be used as a motivational tool with the child. You should speak with your Programme Manager if you think it might be of benefit to the child to go into detail about what you do for a living.
How should I respond to the child’s questions about my possessions? Think carefully about what possessions you take or wear to the mentoring. This can impact both on your ownsafety and on your relationship in terms of what this communicates about you, e.g. your income, your status.You also need to be clear about why you would disclose other possessions that you have. What would be thebenefit of sharing this information with the child? Sharing this information could also lead to the child and family seeing you as the person with the money, which could detract from the mentoring relationship. When going on holiday, think through how much you need to disclose to the child or family about the trip. For example telling them you are staying in a 5* hotel is irrelevant, but telling them that you are going away for aperiod of time, and sharing select details afterwards, can be of benefit, e.g. if they have an interest in geography, cars, buildings or something like that there may be postcards or photos that it would be of benefit toshare. Can Idisclose my political or religious beliefs? We often form our own opinions based on our religious or political beliefs. Many issues that are valuable to discuss in the mentoring, such as the environment, racism and crime, may be informed by our own beliefs. In anyconversation on such a topic, the discussion should be initiated by the child and child-led. Whilst you may feelit is appropriate and beneficial to the child to share your own beliefs it must be done in a way that does notimpose your beliefs upon the child. It is never appropriate to share your party political opinions. If you have a strong belief that you feel may impact on the mentoring please take the opportunity to discuss this at your interview so that we can take this into account and match you with an appropriate child and family. What can Idisclose about my romantic relationships? What you can disclose about your romantic relationships depends on a number of factors: your feelings aboutthe issue, which should be discussed at interview; whether it is relevant within the context of your mentoringrelationship; and how that is likely to affect the relationship with the child and family. It is important to be aware that we disclose things about our romantic relationships without realising. This canbe verbally through the language we use, such as how you refer to your partner, or non-verbally through itemssuch as wedding rings and pins/badges worn on clothing. If you feel strongly that you would want to disclose your romantic relationships to the child and/or family fromthe beginning of the mentoring relationship, please talk to us about this at your interview. We need to knowthis information as it will help us in determining the best match for you with a child or family. Once the mentoring has started, you may develop concerns around disclosure, such as thinking the child or family have concerns about or are questioning your romantic relationships. As a result, you may want to talk tosomeone about how to handle the situation. Your Programme Manager, as well as all the other staff here atChance UK, is here to support you. This can be done at a usual support and supervision session or at any timein between. Children do ask difficult/awkward questions that can often make us uncomfortable. At training we will look athow to handle some of the questions that children may ask that you may not be comfortable with answering.If you do answer a question and are uncomfortable with the response you gave or how the child responded to your answer, let your Programme Manager know so that we can support you.
The next steps Interview You should already have arranged your interview with Chance UK staff. This interview is more about you as a person, as well as your thoughts and feelings aboutmentoring than a typical interview. You may be called back for a second interview if clarification or more information is required from you. This is usually conducted by at least one of your original interviewers and a senior member of staff; it will be shorter and more specific in order to find out the additional information we need. Acceptance Meeting Once you have been interviewed, Chance UK staff will meet to decide whether to accept you as a mentor. For you to be accepted, we will need all your relevant documentation, including two suitable references and an enhanced Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS). You will subsequently be informed whether you have been accepted as a Chance UK mentor. Your acceptance as a mentor will continue to be subject to you showing commitment to the programme and its requirements. Matching Meeting Chance UK staff will then meet to match accepted mentors with children. This is done according to your preferences in terms of area, as well as individual skills and interests. We will then phone you to tell you that we have found a match for you and tell you more about the child, including their family background, interests and why they were referred. At this point, you can say you would rather not be matched with this child, and we will try to match you with another child. If you are happy to become the child’s mentor, we will set up a meeting where we will introduce you to the child and the parent / carer. Before this meeting, we will go through the mentor session reports and expenses with you, as well as other useful information. Induction and Introductory Meeting Before meeting the child you will have an induction with your PM to discuss how exactly to work with the child and go through all the relevant paperwork. The introductory meeting consists of you being introduced to the child you will be mentoring. Your supervisor and the child’s parent or carer will be present, and the meeting lasts for about half an hour. Arrange your first session with the child to take place within a week or so, and discuss what you might like to do together. Confirm this with the parents/carers and also exchange telephone numbers
