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COMMUNICATION CLIMATE. Relationships = Weather fair & warm stormy & cold polluted clear & healthy Key to Positive Relationships. What are the features of satisfying personal relationships?. Investment Commitment Trust Self-disclosure Comfort with Relational Dialectics

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communication climate

COMMUNICATION CLIMATE

Relationships = Weather

fair & warm

stormy & cold

polluted

clear & healthy

Key to Positive Relationships

what are the features of satisfying personal relationships
What are the features of satisfying personal relationships?
  • Investment
  • Commitment
  • Trust
    • Self-disclosure
  • Comfort with Relational Dialectics
    • Autonomy/Connection
    • Novelty/Prediction
    • Openness/Closedness
negotiating dialectical tensions
Negotiating Dialectical Tensions
  • Four Ways:
    • Neutralization-negotiate a balance b/t needs
    • Selection-give priority to one over the other
    • Separation-assign each to other spheres of interaction
    • Reframing-redefine contradictory needs not in opposition
what makes communication climates positive or negative
What makes communication climates positive or negative?
  • The degree to which people feel valued by one another
    • Confirming Communication=messages conveying value
    • Disconfirming Communication=messages conveying lack of regard
levels of message
Levels of Message

Confirm & Disconfirm

disconfirming messages 7 types
Disconfirming Messages-7 types
  • Impervious: no acknowledgement of other’s message
  • Interrupting: speak before other finishes
  • Irrelevant: comment unrelated to what other just said
  • Tangential: “take-away”-shift to different topic
  • Impersonal: cliché
  • Ambiguous: more than one meaning
  • Incongruous: contradicting messages
disagreeing messages you re wrong
Disagreeing Messages- “You’re wrong”
  • Aggressive: most destructive, attacks other’s self-concept-name calling, put-downs, sarcasm, taunting, yelling, badgering
  • Complaining: desire to note dissatisfaction/not argue
  • Argumentativeness: defending while attacking
confirming messages
Confirming Messages
  • Recognition: most fundamental-return hellos, return an email or phone message
  • Acknowledgment: interested in ideas & feelings of others-stronger form of confirm-Listening most common-asking questions, paraphrasing, reflecting
  • Endorsement: agreeing with other/find other’s ideas important, communicating the highest form of valuing-also, praising & complimenting
defensiveness face threatening
Defensiveness-Face-Threatening
  • Distorting Critical Information
    • Rationalization
    • Compensation
    • Regression
  • Avoiding Dissonant Information
    • Physical avoidance
    • Repression
    • Apathy
    • Displacement
gibb s categories useful tools
Gibb’s Categories-Useful Tools
  • Evaluation vs Description
    • Judgments, “you” language vs description of behavior using “I” language

-You don’t know what you’re talking about!

vs

-I don’t understand how you came up with that idea.

-Those jokes are disgusting!

vs

-When you tell those off-color jokes, I get really embarrassed.

more gibb
More Gibb
  • Control vs Problem-Orientation
    • Imposing a solution with little regard of other vs
    • Finding a solution that satisfies both

There’s only one way to handle this problem…

vs

Looks like we have a problem. Let’s work out a solution we can both live with.

more gibb1
More Gibb
  • Strategy vs Spontaneity
    • Hiding ulterior motives vs being honest w/o manipulation

Tom and Judy go out to dinner every week.

vs

I’d like to go out to dinner more often.

more gibb2
More Gibb
  • Neutrality vs Empathy
    • Indifference vs accepting/putting self in other’s place

That’s what happens when you don’t plan properly.

vs

Ouch—looks like this didn’t turn out the way you expected.

more gibb3
More Gibb
  • Superiority vs Equality
    • I am better than you messages vs others have worth

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

vs

I see it a different way.

more gibb4
More Gibb
  • Certainty vs Provisionalism
    • Dogmatism, I’m right vs changeable/reasonable

That will never work.

vs

I think you’ll run into problems with that approach.

five guidelines for creating healthy climates
Five Guidelines for creating healthy climates
  • Actively build confirming climates
  • Accept & confirm others
  • Affirm & assert yourself
  • Respect diversity in relationships
5 responding c onstructively non defensively to criticism
5. Responding Constructively/Non-defensivelyto Criticism
  • Seek more information
    • Ask for specifics
    • Guess about specifics
    • Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas
    • Ask what the critic wants
    • Ask what else is wrong
    • Agree with the facts/what’s true
    • Agree with the critic’s perception
using descriptive language
Using Descriptive Language

This paper is poorly done

vs

This paper does not include relevant background information.

  • You’re lazy.
  • I hate the way you dominate conversations with me.
  • Stop obsessing about the problem.
  • You’re too involved.
communicating assertively
Communicating Assertively
  • I guess your preference for going to the party is more important than my studying.
  • I don’t need your permission to go out. I’ll do what I please.
  • I suppose I could work extra next week if you really need a loan.
  • I don’t like it when you spend time with Tim. Either stop seeing him, or we’re through.