CHAPTER 4. Communication in Relationships. Chapter 4: Communication Introduction. Quote: “ Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ” Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Author Discussion: How important do you consider communication in a relationship?
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CHAPTER 4 Communication in Relationships
Chapter 4: CommunicationIntroduction • Quote: “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” • Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Author • Discussion: • How important do you consider communication in a relationship? • What are some ways that bad communication skills will negatively effect a relationship?
Chapter 4: CommunicationChapter Outline • Interpersonal Communication • Conflicts in Relationships • Principles and Techniques of Effective Communication • Gender, Culture, and Communication • Self-Disclosure, Dishonesty, and Secrets • Lying and Cheating • Theories Applied to Relationship Communication • Fighting Fair: Seven Steps in Conflict Resolution • The Future of Communication
Interpersonal Communication • Communication can be defined as the process of exchanging information and feelings between two people. • Although most communication is focused on verbal content, much (estimated to be as high as 80%) interpersonal communication is nonverbal.
Interpersonal Communication • Discussion: • Look at the picture. What nonverbal message is the female conveying to the male?
Interpersonal Communication:Words versus Action • A great deal of social discourse depends on saying things that sound good but which have no meaning in terms of behavioral impact. • “Let’s get together.” • “Let’s hang out.” • Discussion: How could one rephrase the comments above in order to have more direct behavioral intent?
Interpersonal Communication:Texting, IM, and Social Media • Today’s youth are being socialized in a hyper-digital age where traditional modes of communication will be replaced by gadgets and texting (young people send an average of 2,272 text messages a month). • This shift to greater use of technology affects relationships in both positive and negative ways.
Conflicts In Relationships • Conflict is the interaction that results when the behavior of one person interferes with the behavior of another. • Conflict is inevitable in any intimate relationship. • Conflict can be healthy and productive for a couple’s relationship. • Ignoring an issue may result in the partners becoming resentful and dissatisfied.
Conflicts in Relationships:Sources of Conflict • Behavior • Cognition and perceptions • Value differences • Inconsistent rules • Leadership ambiguity
15 Principles And Techniques Of Effective Communication • Make communication a priority. • Avoid negative/harmful statements to your partner. • Say positive things about your partner. • Establish and maintain eye contact. • Ask open-ended questions. • Use reflective listening. • Use “I” statements. • Establish touch. • Use “soft” emotions.
15 Principles And Techniques Of Effective Communication • Tell your partner what you want. • Stay focused on the issue. • Make specific resolutions to disagreements. • Give congruent messages. • Share power. • Keep the process of communication going.
Gender, Culture, and Communication: Gender Differences • Women and men differ in their approach to and patterns of communication. • The genders also differ in regard to emotionality. • Women tend to be more communicative about relationship issues, approach issues more emotionally, and disclose more in their relationships than men do. • Men and women also differ in the degree to which they use tentative speech – word which convey uncertainty and a lack of confidence for a communicator.
Gender, Culture, and Communication: Cultural Differences • Communication styles vary by country. • See the example below:
Self-Disclosure, Dishonesty, and Secrets:Self Disclosure • Involves revealing personal information and feelings about oneself to another person • Relationships become more stable when individuals disclose: • Their formative years • Previous relationships (positive and negative) • Experiences of elation and sadness/depression • Goals (achieved and thwarted)
Discussion: Should One Partner Disclose HIV/STIs To The Other? • Avoiding disclosure or lying about having an STI is a serious ethical violation. • Some states and cities have laws that require health care providers to advise all persons with serious sexually transmitted diseases about the importance of informing their sex or needle-sharing partner(s). • Your Opinion: What do you think the penalty should be for deliberately exposing a person to an STI?
Self-Disclosure, Dishonesty, and Secrets • Forms of Dishonesty and Deception • Dishonesty and deception take various forms. • People may exaggerate or conceal the truth, pretend, or withhold information. • Family Secrets • Abuse • Substance Abuse • Cheating/Adultery • Homosexuality • Adoption • Heritage • Illness/Death
Lying and Cheating • Lying, a deliberate attempt to mislead, is pervasive in American society. • Lying in College Student Relationships • Cheating in College Student Relationships
Forms Of Dishonesty And Deception • Food for thought… • Over 95% of university students in one study reported having lied to their parents when they were living at home. • In response to the statement, “I have lied to a person I was involved with,” 5Seven% of 2,922 undergrads reported “yes.” 14% reported having lied to a partner about their previous number of sexual partners.
Theories Applied To Relationship Communication • Symbolic Interactionism • Interactionists examine the process of communication between two actors in terms of the meanings each attaches to the actions of the other. • Social Exchange • Suggest that communication can be described as a ratio of rewards to costs
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps In Conflict Resolution • Address Recurring, Disturbing Issues • Identify New Desired Behaviors • Identify Perceptions to Change • Summarize Your Partner’s Perspective • Generate Alternative Win-Win Solutions • Forgive • Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict Resolution:Win-Win Relationships • Relationships in which conflict is resolved so each partner benefits from the resolution. • Win-Win • Both partners get something they want. • Win-Lose • Only one partner gets what he or she wants. • Lose-Lose • Neither partner gets what he or she wants.
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict Resolution:Generate Alternative Win-Win Relationships • In Evaluating Solutions To Conflicts, It May Be Helpful To Ask These Questions: • Does the solution satisfy both individuals? • Is the solution specific? Does it specify exactly who is to do what, how, and when? • Is the solution realistic? • Does the solution prevent the problem from reoccurring? • Does the solution specify what is to happen if the problem recurs?
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict Resolution:Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms • Effective conflict resolution is sometimes blocked by defense mechanisms – unconscious techniques that function to protect individuals from anxiety and to minimize emotional hurt. • Common Defense Mechanisms: • Escapism • Rationalization • Projection • Displacement
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict Resolution:Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms • Escapism • Simultaneous denial of and withdrawal from a problem. • Rationalization • Cognitive justifications for one’s own behavior that unconsciously conceals one’s true motives. • Projection • Occurs when one spouse unconsciously attributes individual feelings, attitudes or desires to the partner. • Displacement • Involves shifting feelings, thoughts, or behaviors from the person who evokes them onto someone else.
The Future of Communication • The future of communication will increasingly involve technology in the form of texting, smart phones, Facebook, etc. • Such technology will be used to initiate, enhance, and maintain relationships.
Quick Quiz • What is the most INEFFECTIVE manner of communication? • "I" statements • "You" statements • Saying positive things about your partner • Sharing power
Quick Quiz • Effective conflict resolution is often blocked by: • volatile conflict style • defense mechanisms • lose-lose situations • avoidance
Quick Quiz • The process of exchanging information and feelings between two people is called: • interaction • rapport • evaluation • communication
Quick Quiz • Which of the following was not listed as a source of conflict in communication? • Behavior • Cognitions and perceptions • Inconsistent rules • Making communication a priority
Quick Quiz • Which one of the following is a defense mechanism that is a cognitive justification for one’s own behavior to unconsciously conceals one’s motives? • Escapism • Rationalization • Projection • Displacement