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Helping Children and Families Deal with Grief and Loss. Bob Brinker Parent and Community Education Specialist. Expectations and Questions. Group Rules. Share your wisdom Ask questions Take care of yourself Cheat Have fun Agree to disagree Honor people’s stories

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helping children and families deal with grief and loss

Helping Children and Families Deal with Grief and Loss

Bob Brinker

Parent and Community Education Specialist

group rules
Group Rules
  • Share your wisdom
  • Ask questions
  • Take care of yourself
  • Cheat
  • Have fun
  • Agree to disagree
  • Honor people’s stories
  • What we talk about stays here
rules for grief program
Rules for Grief Program
  • Each loss is unique
  • We don’t compare losses and pain
  • We do not need fixed
  • We listen to one and another’s stories with dignity and respect
t hree commitments
Three Commitments

Total Honesty (telling your emotional truth)

Absolute Confidentiality

Uniqueness and Individuality

slide6

HearingOur Stories

  • Hearts have been broken
  • Experienced great pain
  • Many losses have been overlooked
  • Each loss is unique: “I don’t know how you feel.”
grief
Grief

“conflicting feelings caused by a change or an end to a familiar pattern if behavior”

losses
Losses
  • Loss of pet
  • Death of a grandparent
  • Moving
  • Loss of economic security
  • Finishing/beginning school
  • Health issues
  • Divorce/separation
  • Loss of self-esteem
  • Removal from home
  • Abuse/neglect issues
  • Incarceration
intangible losses
Intangible Losses
  • Loss of safety
  • Loss of control
  • Loss of self-esteem
caregiver function for grieving children
Caregiver Function for Grieving Children
  • Provide honest and open relationships with children
  • Provide a safe and secure place where children can mourn
  • Be role models of healthy mourning
loss euphemisms regarding death
Loss Euphemisms Regarding Death
  • Went to sleep
  • Gone away
  • Meet his maker
  • Pushing up daisies
  • Expired
  • Bought the farm
  • Dead as a door nail
  • Answered the calling
  • Jesus needed him
  • Eternal rest
  • Went to be with those who went before them
6 myths of grieving
6 Myths of Grieving
  • Don’t feel bad
  • Replace the loss
  • Grieve alone
  • Be strong
  • Keep busy
  • Time heals all wounds
slide16

Incomplete grief is undelivered emotional communications which might include

  • Apologies
  • Forgiveness
  • Undelivered emotional communication
slide17

Short

Term

Energy

Relieving

Behaviors

‘S

sterb s
STERB’s
  • Food
  • Drugs
  • Sex
  • Anger
  • Acting out
  • Fantasy
  • Isolation
  • Exercise
  • Workaholism
  • Shopping
the problems with sterb s
The Problems with STERB’s
  • They appear to work
  • They are short-term
  • They do not remove the cork jamming the tea kettle
slide20

“Completion is the action of discovering and communicating directly or indirectly, the undelivered emotions which attach to any relationship that changes.”

when children and adults complete the process of grieving they
When children and adults complete the process of grieving they
  • Deal with both the negative and positive aspects of the relationship
  • Hold on to sadness but end the pain
  • Remember the loved one the way he or she knew them in life
  • Express what needs to be said so it is no longer trapped inside
  • Say goodbye to the physical relationship while holding on to the emotional and spiritual relationship
slide22

“Grief Recovery is rediscovering what it is that is your nature to be so that you need not be in conflict with it anymore.”

slide23

Bob Brinker

Parent and Community Education Specialist

brinkerb@fswp.org