TOPIC 2 Which WINDOW do you manage your kids (or students) from?

1. Mark Le Messurier, for TOPIC 2 Which WINDOW do you manage your kids (or students)from? Taken from the introduction of ‘Raising Beaut Kids’

2. MINDFULNESS- the right ‘MENTAL SET' clarity of purpose quality leadership balanced levels of compassion and control capacity to identify and act decisively a connecting role-model ability to stay composed under pressure

5. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it TO others Those who do it WITH others Punitive Authoritive controlling bossy, micromanaging authoritarian autocratic respectful leadership relational and assertive enabling growth mutual communicator Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Those who DON’T do it Those who OVER do it Neglectful Permissive indulgent and lenient rescues/overly protective excuses behaviour disinterested uninvolved/ absent passive/ submissive Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

6. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it TO others Punitive controlling bossy, micromanaging authoritarian autocratic Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

8. How is the learning from the video relevant to what happened to Dan? How might it apply to your interactions with students, especially those on the spectrum?

10. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Structure/Limits/boundary Boundarysetting/ accountability FIRMNESS Those who DON’T do it Neglectful disinterested uninvolved/ absent passive/ submissive Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

11. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it TO others Punitive controlling bossy, micromanaging authoritarian autocratic Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Those who OVER do it Permissive indulgent and lenient rescues/ overly protective excuses behaviour Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

12. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it WITH others Authoritive respectful leadership relational and assertive enabling growth mutual communicator Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

13. A taste of attachment Dr Jenny Suthers Clinical Psychologist Golden Grove, SA

14. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it WITH others Authoritive respectful leadership relational and assertive enabling growth mutual communicator Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

15. Rudolph Driekurs Alfred Adler The 4 goals of ‘misbehaviour’

16. Behaviour; child refuses to join in Possible Motivation; ‘I don’t feel safe’ ‘I want attention’ ‘I can’t be near him’ ‘I’m anxious’ Behaviour; silly responses to questions or during class activities Possible Motivation; ‘Attention seeking’ ‘I need you to know...’ ‘I want help with...’ ‘Please notice me!’ Behaviour; child laying in seat, leaving seat, slumpingin seat Possible Motivation; ‘I’m worn out’ ‘I have the wriggles’ ‘Say sit up so everyone will notice me’ ‘My body is floppy. I can’t keep sitting’ Possible Motivation; ‘I want to be first’ ‘Notice my talent?’ ‘I want to sit next to...’ ‘Whoops! What should I do?’ Behaviour; inappropriaterunning during movement activities Behaviour;talking out of turn side conversations disruptive actions Possible Motivation; ‘I’ve forgotten your rule’ ‘I’m impulsive’ ‘I’m still learning’ ‘I want everyone to notice me,’ ‘I’m the boss’

17. The 4 goals of ‘misbehaviour’ - Adler’s basic premises Man is a social being and his main desire is to belong All behaviour has a purpose. To understand behaviour we need to know where it is directed - a big part of the direction is towards finding one's place to belong Man is a decision-maker Man does not see reality as it is, but only as he perceives it, and his perception may be ‘mistaken’ or ‘biased’

18. DISPLAYS OF INADEQUACY When social recognition not perceived REVENGE SEEKING behaviour Need for social recognition When social recognition not perceived POWER SEEKING behaviour When social recognition not perceived ATTENTION SEEKING behaviour When social recognition not perceived Universal need for social recognition

19. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it WITH others Authoritive respectful leadership relational and assertive enabling growth mutual communicator Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

20. THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOWAn insight into how you manage others Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices What’s yours? Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive High Those who do it TO others Those who do it WITH others Punitive Authoritive controlling bossy, micromanaging authoritarian autocratic respectful leadership relational and assertive enabling growth mutual communicator Structure/Limits/boundary Boundary setting/ accountability FIRMNESS Those who DON’T do it Those who OVER do it Neglectful Permissive indulgent and lenient rescues/ overly protective excuses behaviour disinterested uninvolved/ absent passive/ submissive Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility FAIRNESS High Low

21. Scenario There are two students in the same home group - they have most lessons together. One is Matt and the other is Bob. Basically, they’re good kids with supportive families. This year they started year 8 at a new school and Bob is fixating over wanting Matt as a new friend. His approach swings from kind-hearted friendship to boisterous ‘put-downs’. Matt likes Bob, but can’t deal with the wild ‘mood swings’. To be fair, Matt likes things to be predictable and go his way too. Both, of course, are on the spectrum. Both have good/average IQ’s, both are always anxious and reactive, and see things their way. Matt has asked to move home groups because he’s overwhelmed. Lately, Matt’s been talking about ‘his rights’ and his anxiety has skyrocketed to tummy aches and diarrheabefore school.” Work with those at your table – your task – to role-play 1 person to take a persistent ‘punitive approach’ as an educator/parent 1 person to take a ‘neglectful approach’ as an educator/parent 1 person to take a ‘permissive, overly-protective approach’ as an educator/parent Everyone else to take an ‘authorative approach’ allowing skill building and growth Discuss and debate!

22. Taken from the introduction of… ‘Raising Beaut Kids’