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Parenting from the heart

Parenting from the heart. By: Charlotte Hollarn , M.Ed. Early Childhood Training Solutions, LLC. Course Description. Effective parenting begins with a relationship that is: A uthentic L oving Trusting.

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Parenting from the heart

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  1. Parenting from the heart By: Charlotte Hollarn, M.Ed. Early Childhood Training Solutions, LLC

  2. Course Description • Effective parenting begins with a relationship that is: • Authentic • Loving • Trusting

  3. Based on the premise that behavior is an outward expression of an inward condition, we will discuss strategies that allow parents to gain respect by loving their children enough to set enforceable limits that allow children the opportunity to be responsible for the choices they make!

  4. *Apathy vs Empathy • *Rules vs Expectations • *Rewards vs Natural Consequences

  5. Define “Parenting” • What IS this thing called “Parenting”? • Wikipedia says “Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.

  6. How do you feel about this statement? • LOVE provides children the opportunity to make mistakes in an environment they can trust, when the consequences of those choices are small rather than when the consequences can be life-altering. • Thoughts? Reflections?

  7. Basic needs of children • #1 Trust AND Security • Children need limits! • Children learn to develop good decision-making skills by making small mistakes and experiencing the natural/logical consequence.

  8. Apathy vs empathy • Apathy is… • A lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern. • Empathy is... • the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

  9. Parenting with apathy and empathy • Parents incorporate both love and limits in their style of parenting. • It is HOW these are balanced that determines a particular parenting style.

  10. Parenting with apathy • Unresponsive - Undemanding - Unavailable • often called neglectful, indifferent or dismissive parenting • is both unresponsive and undemanding toward the child

  11. Sometimes, the uninvolved parenting style is referred to as the "indifferent parenting style" due to its lack of emotional involvement and supervision of children. • The parents are generally not involved in their child's life, but will provide basic needs for the child.

  12. Parenting with empathy • Research suggests children are more likely to grow up both happier and healthier than other children. • Children of highly empathic parents thrive—they are psychologically and physically healthier and more balanced.

  13. Parenting with empathy • Empathy can make the difference between • Child learning from their mistakes • OR • Constantly repeating them. • Empathy allows us to remain the “good guy” while allowing the child’s poor decision to be the “bad guy”.

  14. Empathy and consequences create thinking and learning. Empathy allows us to hold them firmly accountable without losing their love and respect. Anger and consequences create resentment.

  15. What does “empathy” sound like and look like in the role of parenting? Empathetic statements: “Aaawwwe….” “Bummer” “I can only imagine how that might feel.”

  16. CAUTION: Empathy should not sound like sarcasm!

  17. Heart condition… • WHY is the “condition of the heart” important in the role of parenting?

  18. Rules vs expectations • Rules: Behaviors you CAN/CANNOT do! • Expectations: Over-arching Principles regarding behavior. • Examples for each…

  19. Rules • When are RULES appropriate? • When are EXPECTATIONS appropriate?

  20. Enforceable statements • The only person we can control is ourselves! • When we try to control others, we tend to lose control! • Limits stick when they describe what WE are going to do/allow!

  21. With a stubborn child, well intended parenting can sometimes lead to • Defiance • Disrespect • Disobedience • Turn these opportunities around by stating EXPECTATIONS with ENFORCEABLE statements.

  22. Examples: • “I will listen when your voice is calm.” • “My car leaves at 8:00 a.m. Will you be going with your clothes on your body or in your bag?” • “You can play with that as long is it doesn’t cause a problem for you or anyone else!”

  23. Consider behavioral expectations for your particular environment • “Shoes belong on the shelf in the garage or in your closet.” • “I’ll be happy to wash the clothes that make it to the hamper.” • Others you can think of?

  24. WHY is it important to let the child know how YOU plan to “live your life”?

  25. Practice creating Enforceable statements: • “I _____________________________________.” • “Feel free to _________________________as long as it doesn’t cause a problem.” • “I allow _______________________________.”

  26. Rewards vs natural consequences • Discuss with your “Elbow Partner”: • 1. Why do each of these strategies motivate positive behavior? • 2. What are the long-term affects of each of these strategies?

  27. LOVE is the ULTIMATE REWARD! • REWARDS that are tangible often rob children of the opportunity to learn that their actions have consequences. • Children deserve the opportunity to experience “life” in an environment that is safe….physically and emotionally.

  28. Providing choices within limits • For each choice, only give 2 options…. both in which you can live with! • If the child doesn’t choose within a few seconds, choose for them! • Provide most of your choices when things are going well! • Choices should be genuine...never coming across as threats!

  29. Examples • Would you like to put your pants on first or your shirt? • Would you rather do your homework before dinner or immediately after? • Do you want to sit in this chair or that one? • Others? • WHAT do we do IF the child doesn’t want either choice?

  30. When energy is drained…. • Strategies when you can’t seem to find a consequence that is appropriate OR when you are truly drained from dealing with a particular situation/child: • Effective ideas?

  31. Building and maintaining relationships • Importance of creating routines, rituals and traditions. • How do you build strong relationships? • Love them anyway!

  32. Final words of wisdom • The following slide show is from the Love and Logic Institute • www.loveandlogic.com

  33. Charlotte Hollarn, M.Ed.Early Childhood Training Solutions10600 S. Pennsylvania Ave.Ste. 16-543Oklahoma City, OK 73170405-650-9757info@earlychildhoodtrainingsolutions.com

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