Lecture 10. Attraction, Affiliation and Love. Outline. Attraction and Liking Love Attachment Equity Theory Interpersonal Communication Relationship Dissolution. Factors Influencing Attraction. Propinquity - Proximity Mere-exposure effect Similarity Reciprocal Positive Evaluations
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Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first
- Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977
When I’m not near the one I love, I love the one I’m near
- E. Y. Harburg, 1947
A powerful predictor of friendship is geographical nearness
- Proximity kindles liking
Actually it is not geographical distance that is critical but “functional distance”
The tendency for novel stimuli to be more liked after repeated exposures
Do people like the Mona Lisa or is it a familiar face? To know her is to like her
Can we use this to get people to like us?
# of Times the RA came to Class
We like people that are similar to us
Newcomb (1961) – Dormitory Study
People who are similar provide social validation of beliefs
We assume it will be enjoyable to spend time with those who are similar to us
The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs
- Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992)
Curtis & Miller (1986)
Participants in Pairs
Told target that other participant doesn’t like them
IT IS ONLY SHALLOW PEOPLE
WHO DO NOT JUDGE BY
- Oscar Wilde, 1891
Buss & Barnes (1986)
Asked university students what qualities they want in a mate
Walster (Hatfield) and colleagues (1966)
What are they?
Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid (1977)
Pennebaker et al. (1979)
“How attractive are the men/women here tonight?”
“Love is something so divine,
Description would but make it less;
‘Tis what I feel, but can’t define,
‘Tis what I know, but can’t express.”
- Beilby Porteus
The Love Scale
Driscoll et al (1972)
Brehm (1985) - Love continuum
Fehr (1988) – Young adults view of love
Passionate love tends to cool after a period
Gupta & Singh (1982) – Love Marriages vs. Arranged Marriages
“What, after all, is our life
but a great dance in which we are all trying to fix the best going rate if exchange?”
“What is a friends? I will tell you.
It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.”
- Frank Crane
Love is blind
Murray & Holmes (1993)
Study 1: asked if partner tended to initiate conflicts
Study2: asked to list similarities and differences
“To marry a woman you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.”
- Alfred Capus
A. What are your partners character flaws?
B. Research on Co-habiting couples
C. Literature on Divorce
Rubin, Peplau, & Hill (1981)
Followed 231 dating couples. After 2 yrs 103 couple broke up.
Married men Single women Married women Single men
Accounts of relationship Dissolution
Who is more negatively effected?
Male or Female?
Breaker or Breakee?
How do people react?
Sadness, anger, and some people obsess?
- Why do people obsess?