How To Get Out Of Limerence

1. COMMUNITY ARTICLES HOME FORUM BOOK A SESSION CONTACT Be limerence free – start your recovery today DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE 11 STEP GUIDE TO HEALING FROM LIMERENCE NOW! I am Dr. David Perl, the quit limerence doctor and Watch the 1 min introduction to limerence.net  by founder of limerence.net. I set this site up after clicking the video below. struggling with my own limerence more than a decade ago.   We o?er a range of support for both Name those with limerence and their partners. As a psychotherapist, relationship coach and medical Email practitioner I understand limerence and pass on this knowledge to you. DOWNLOAD NOW 0:00 / 1:04 The most established limerence recovery community Welcome to limerence.net. If you’ve found this place, I suspect you or your partner are hurting from limerence. If so, you’ve found the net’s oldest and most trusted community for those impacted by this condition. WHAT IS LIMERENCE? If you feel you never heard of the word “limerence”, don’t worry! The concept of limerence is not very known, however it’s meaning is widely felt across individuals from all over the world. Ask yourself, have you ever felt obsessed and crazy “in love” with someone? Have you ever felt that all you could think about during the day was that person? Or have you caught yourself constantly fantasizing about someone, even if there was no interaction or relationship between the two of you? If yes, you might have experienced limerence.   Limerence is described as the obsessive and uncontrollable thinking of a limerent object (LO), usually a person, which can cause profound distress on someone’s mental health and well-being. Limerent feelings can become even more problematic for those who are in a committed relationship and experience it, as it can induce feelings of guilt and shame. DEVELOPING MY OWN LIMERENCE When I developed limerence it had a devastating impact on both myself and my wife, Ruth and our decade’s long marriage. I discovered no therapists had heard of limerence and those I saw had no clue how to help so I had to learn the hard way. It took me years of my own therapy, reading hundreds of books, participating on forums and working with many hundreds of clients in my own therapy practice to discover what helped and what didn’t.  You can now bene?t from my experience thus saving you many of the mistakes I made. We use the latest discoveries in neuroscience along with well established behavioural approaches to managing addictions. Got any questions? I'm happy to SETTING UP LIMERENCE.NET help. I am often approached by both those with limerence and their partners people asking for help. The one to one support we o?er as professionally quali?ed practitioners  is great, its not accessible to everyone. To address this we have developed a range of support. At limerence.net, you can trust the support, guidance and advice you receive.  Both Ruth and myself are quali?ed counsellors, psychotherapists and leadership coaches. I am also a medical practitioner. 

2. This begins with all the free resources on limerence.net including our articles, videos and podcasts. There is also the free to access parts of the limerence.net forum. For those wanting more immersion, we have developed the online programme of videos and worksheets to help you with a phased approach on your own  journey of recovery. For those wanting even more intensive support, we have range of membership programs from private groups, weekly zoom webinars with Q&A’s through to private one to one sessions with myself or Ruth. The experience we gain through our LoveRelations practice as relationship coaches, couple’s counsellors and psychotherapists continues to inform us of this condition. We have worked in person with hundreds of people with limerence. You can read more about our experience and expertise here. Are you struggling with these symptoms of limerence:      Intrusive obsessive thoughts of LO?  Replaying and rehearsing? Anxiety and self consciousness?  Emotional dependency on LO? A partner with limerence? Lying and deceit Thinking 24/7  Over sensitive to cues Constant e?orts to impress Yearning for reciprocation Belief they have met their Fantasising of Replaying interactions  LO Ecstatic when signs of soulmate a future together Rehearsing events Shyness and reciprocation  Emotional withdrawal Feel you’ve met Fantasising about being embarrassment   Mood swings Rewriting history your soulmate together Heart ache and increased Uncertainty driving despair Loving you but not in love Overly focussed on cues Longing for reciprocation stress Push/pull from LO with you Fear of rejection by LO LO is just a friend  Social ineptness around LO  If you answered yes to the above symptoms, why not kick start your journey to getting limerence free? Get daily emails for 1 week  from Dr. David Perl, The Quit Limerence Doctor.  Yes, sign me up now Name Email Email Send     Public facebook group Limerence.net public forum Limerence.net  private forums Zoom groups with Q & A’s hosted by David     Focussed small group Zoom Self discovery online course on Private one to one email / Voxer  Private individual and couple’s

3. sessions with a maximum of 8 healing from limerence support sessions people, hosted by David If you want more intensive support, why not join our growing community below : VIDEO SILVER GOLD PLATINUM SERIES MEMBERSHIP MEMBERSHIP MEMBERSHIP $79 pre o?er CONTACT $5 monthly First 14 days free $19 monthly First 14 days free Will increase to $99 FOR DETAILS  A structured in-depth online Full access to all the  limerence.net For those seeking the very best in Join the private community for programme of videos and forums with active involvement limerence support thats available. those seeking day to day support worksheets to take you through from Dr. David Perl and Work with 2 of the most from limerence with zoom the initial steps of becoming membership of our 2 private knowledgeable therapists on the webinars and private online limerence free facebook groups condition globally.  groups CLICK TO BUY CLICK TO JOIN CLICK TO JOIN BOOK EXPLORATORY Self discovery online video and Full access to all the limerence.net Silver membership plus: Gold membership plus: worksheet healing from limerence forums Every 2nd and 4th Wednesday, a Video series course We have over 70,000 posts to learn 90 minute zoom group call with Q Private individual sessions either Includes videos, worksheets and from & A with David and / or Ruth face to face or by zoom with David reading materials on a  structured The members only forums are Meetings are at 19.00 UK time or Ruth process to help you heal from actively contributed to by Dr. David Join anonymously, voice only or Online private support through limerence Perl. by chat email and Voxer 14 day no quibble money back Access Private Message We talk about all things related to Online companion journal guarantee functionality of the forums to send relationships with a focus on Couples sessions also available. messages to other users limerence Note, we only work with couples as Private Facebook group for women Meetings recorded and available a couple. and men to all Gold members for viewing Monthly subscription, 14 days free, later cancel anytime Monthly subscription, 14 days free, cancel anytime CLICK FOR DETAILS CLICK FOR DETAILS CLICK FOR DETAILS CLICK FOR DETAILS All payment transactions are listed as docleaf leadership, our coaching company at www.docleaf.com Here are just a few of the videos we o?er. Click here for more.

4. What does limerence feel like? What does limerence feel like? Who invented the term limere Who invented the term limere… … Limerence and Shame, Why d Limerence and Shame, Why d… … The myth of the soul mate The myth of the soul mate Re?ections on growing up in a Re?ections on growing up in a… … A ?rst hand account of living A ?rst hand account of living … … Sign up to our regular newsletter below Name Email Send  Testimonials I have worked with David (and to a lesser Dear David and Ruth, Gavin and I have Went to see David as was struggling with extent Ruth) for roughly 6 months and they recently ?nished 8 months of couples limerence and being love addicted and have both been amazing and helped me to coaching/therapy with you both. We obsessed over a work colleague. He really make some powerful changes to my life. wanted to thank you for the help and helped me understand and cope with this David has shown me how to 'wake up', look guidance you gave us in helping to condition and helped me through a very within, become honest and authentic and communicate and understand each other dark period of my life. I always have found it meet my needs without the need to turn to better. This year has been very di?cult, we hard to invest in myself and this really was unhealthy coping mechanisms that had now have more hope that next year will be one of the best investments i made. caused harm and damage in the past. I have better for us and our family. Rick previously worked with counsellors and a Sally& Gavin Working father hypnotherapist, but none of them did much Professional working Mum more than scratch the surface. David is not afraid of getting to the root of the problems (even though this can feel challenging in the early stages of therapy) and has worked with me to help rip the roots out of the ground. These days I am way happier than ever and feel as though I am improving all the time with continued self-development. David has become a mentor, role model and a father ?gure (that I never had in my life) - on top of that, he is a brilliant therapist. Thank you both - you have changed my life for the better! Simon Sobriety coach. "Ruth and David - how can we ever thank "Discovering my husband's a?air was one of "I will take this opportunity to thank you for you enough for saving our marriage. When the most painful issues i've dealt with. With all of the hard work you have put in with me. we ?rst arrived at your o?ce, we felt nothing time and your gentle guidance and It has been, and continues to be, truly would work as the love had gone. With your expertise, we have been able to rebuild our transformative and what could have been a sensitive experienced guidance, we marriage into something even stronger than profoundly traumatic experience for me has

5. gradually healed the deep wounds in our it was before his a?air. We know been and is being processed in what I feel is relationship. It really helped us to communicate with honesty and are no a really healthy way, leaving me in a position understand how we brought our own issues longer afraid to express how we are feeling. of positivity, understanding and into our marriage and working on these has My gratitude runs deep." empowerment." been an extra bene?t." Karen Keith Karen and Les Retired grandmother Father of 3 Retired Couple You can read what other visitors to this site have said below. Why not post your own comment at the bottom of the list? 100 Replies to “Home” Veroni 22 JANUARY 2015 AT How do we know we are limerenced or if what we feel is just a strong crush? Reply Darren 18 SEPTEMBER 2017 AT I am a love addict. Reply David 22 JANUARY 2015 AT Veroni, you will get more responses if you post on the main forum http:/ /limerence.net/forum/index.php Reply Arlene 12 JULY 2015 AT I have been trying to ?gure out what has been wrong with all these years since teenage years I ?nally have a word for it. All my life I have developed crushes on people who would never return my a?ections and it is comforting I am not the only one. Is there any hope for people like myself? Are there any counselors, psychotherapists in the Boston, MA area that can help? Limerence seems like something people in English novels would frequently be a?icted with like a “Wuthering Heights” something from the Edwardian/Victorian era. I am curious to know if certain populations have a greater tendency for Limerence? Will there be a genetic therapy for this someday? I wouldn’t wish this on anyone it is a cruel a?iction. Thanks for having this website. Sincerely,

6. Reply Sebastian 7 OCTOBER 2016 AT [quote name=”Arlene”]I have been trying to ?gure out what has been wrong with all these years since teenage years I ?nally have a word for it. All my life I have developed crushes on people who would never return my a?ections and it is comforting I am not the only one. [/quote] I cant believe how accurate this is to my situation. “having a word for it” changes everything. How is it posible that I need someone to tell me this kind of knowledge? That I need to say it, to become aware of it when others know it subconsciously. Reply Taylor 24 AUGUST 2015 AT I’m more than happy to have found this site. I don’t want to self diagnose, but I STRONGLY believe im su?ering from Limerence. It’s happening to me now, and it’s happened MANY times in the past, since I was 12. My longest episode lasted for about 2 years, and my LO was a guy that I didn’t even have a relationship with to begin with. Right now, it’s been about 14 months for me since the start of my Limerent epsiode, and the LO and I “broke up” about a year ago, even though we had an on-and-o? FWB relationship. Reply Serie 7 JULY 2017 AT I as well do not want to self diagnose but according to this site I can’t help but to feel like this is what I am su?ering. You said this has happened since you were 12? I am 17 and feel I am in a episode. My LO moved states away and clearly doesn’t have feelings for me. I’ve known this for 10 months and I still haven’t gotten over him. Our “relationship” started 2 years ago. It was a year ago that I realized I had to let go of him but I haven’t been able to. Do you have any advice? Do I just let it take it’s course? Is there anything I can do to, I don’t know, help it? Reply Thai 4 SEPTEMBER 2015 AT Ive been feeling really strong feelings for a girl in my school ever since i started and now 5 years later those feelings are as stong as ever. She hates because she thought i was stalking her a while back and now i dont know what to do. Every morning and every night i think about her and me together because i know ill never be with her but i try to forgot that by imagining. What makes it even worse is that i didnt even talk to her before she thought i was stalking her. Now we’re both in collage and im in her business studies class, i really wanna talk to her but im scared she or her friend will ignore me or just diss me. I just hate the feeling of not meaning anything to her in life while she means so much to me. Sometimes i even have these days where i cant go to sleep because i can only think about what would happen when we ?nish collage and we both go our separate ways. I’ll never see the love of my life ever again. Please, i need help Reply #hurt

7. 19 NOVEMBER 2017 AT So sorry to hear that. I am in the same boat. If you think that there is some chance you two can be together, then confess to her otherwise it’s best if you cut o? all contact. Reply Jon 10 SEPTEMBER 2015 AT Hi David, The email listed keeps bouncing. Is there another one to reach you at? Thanks, Jon Reply David 10 SEPTEMBER 2015 AT try info@limerence.net Reply Barbara Val 29 SEPTEMBER 2015 AT Hello thanks for your site. I’m a 45 year old lady from Spain. I have su?ered limerence many times in my life and I strongly believe this and other patterns are due to being raised by narcissistic parents. Thanks for helping ?nd me voice Reply Shelly 1 JULY 2016 AT Wow, I have a Narcissitic Mother who I discovered was Narcissitic about a year ago, Its been very hard to handle. Now, for some reason I was checking into obssesions, love addictions, etc.. and I found “Limerence” and I totally believe I am Limerent. So its very interesting to ?nd that a probable cause would be having Narc parents. Thanks for sharing Barbara Reply Stella 10 JANUARY 2017 AT Hi Barbara, I would agree with this…narcissistic parents. I think it is something that develops because of a lack of parental a?ection, abandonment, narcissistic parents, etc, etc, etc… Basically not receiving the love, care and attention needed as a child sets one up for life-long struggles and issues down the road. Being aware of these issues at least helps one not to act on the impulses even though it is SO torturous to live with them. I have been experiencing this of late and it has been hell. Reply # missLee

8. 25 JULY 2017 AT Spot on!!! I was raised by them also!! I cannot talk truthfully to any of my siblings either. Robots to the Narcs while im thrown under the bus. Anyhow, limerence is So safe!! I guess I dont have the belief in anything real because it has all been squashed by the Narcs!! A real boyfriend or husband is too precious and they will Not validate so I live in limerence!! Reply David 1 OCTOBER 2015 AT Hi Barbara I agree, narcissistic parents have a lot to answer for. As with all narcs, it seems low contact or even no contact is necessary if we are to separate and individuate. Reply Philip 4 OCTOBER 2015 AT This is happening to me. 2 months ago i hooked up with an old crush. She told me she ended her 6 year long relationship,and that she still have some stu? overthere. We hooked up on my initiative,only to ?nd she was actualy still living with the bf and did not broke up with him,even if she claimed she wants to but cant do it now. I got the feeling she was playing with me. I broke up a month later because i could not trust her. I fell for her hard, and opened myself a lot very early into this a?air. My ratio and my emotions went di?erent directions.she wanted to keep it secret,no meeting in public. I broke up a month later. And 2 month after i am thinking about her 24/7 and replaying dialogues in my head. How to stop? I am a wreck…. Reply lou 8 OCTOBER 2015 AT Its gotten to the point where my sickness and need for love has desensitized me and am no longer able to function properly. Its highs or lows, nothing in between. I can’t remember a time I didn’t feel like this but now I feel kind of scared I am gonna hurt myself and I don’t want to do that cause I do have family, they love me. Is there anything I can do to just end this already? I’m done crying Reply Molly 14 OCTOBER 2015 AT I have been in love with the same guy for over four years, though I’ve known him since 5th grade. He was one of my best friends and I saw him every day during school until I moved to Europe with my husband. Yes, I’m married and I still love him. I’ve tried everything in my power to forget him but I always ?nd myself getting back in touch with him and falling all over again. I told him 4 years ago that I had fallen for him and he basically said he appreciated me telling him but never said anything else. He is kind of a loner so I don’t know if he might have had feelings and just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Regardless, I can’t stop loving him and it makes me feel awful because I love my husband but it just isn’t the same. I truly think that my LO was the “one” and I hate it. I hate feeling like this. But I love him. Reply

9. Weeza 12 JUNE 2017 AT Hi, I just discovered today I’m 100% limerant! OMG. Obviously you are as well. Your LO hasn’t reciprocated your feelings. one strategy I use is avoidance of my LO. I was planning on seeing him at an event know Aug I thought he’d go to, but now that I see my illness described, I think I should probably avoid going. My advice to any limerent is to read “He’s just not that into you” a fantastic book. It’s funny and will help you more quickly realize your LO does NOT reciprocate your feelings. This is the best way to recover as quickly as possible from this ridiculous fantasy state of being! I wish there was a cure. Now that I’m aware, I’ll learn everything to rid myself of this. Reply Michelle 19 OCTOBER 2015 AT Oh I have been married for several years in which I often caught my spouse sexting other people so I had an a?air. I was angry and bitter and wanted to show him how much it hurt, unfortunately I developed feelings and I am way over my head. This person is not one I would see myself being with but as many times as I have tried to back away, the more I get wrapped up. It has been almost 3 years and I am living in a separate room than my husband but not sure if I really love this other guy. I never thought I would be in this position, I have always tried to do what is right and I have screwed up beyond belief. So who do I choose? A cheating spouse (who says he has changed but I do not trust) or the guy who I may be an LO and will shorty be my remorse for not trying again in my marriage? Reply Kayla 22 OCTOBER 2015 AT I’m so glad for this post…I’ve always read into transference but this is spot on. I’ve always felt weird or out of place like no one would accept me in this state except for my best friend who is also limerent. But this is just soo comforting. Anyone wanting to chat about it with me? Reply Jacko333 1 NOVEMBER 2015 AT As we all know, Limerence is an illusion that provides the muse for poetry and song. I am reminded of a Paul McCartney song entitled “Just another silly love song.” At its core, Limerence is sel?sh. In his or her own mind the LE forces the LO to comport with their own fantasies and exaggerates the attributes and characteristics of the LO. In reality, this does a disservice to the LO by imprisoning him or her in this painting or portrait that is not really who they are but rather an idealized approximation of the LO. Limerence is a sel?sh thing in that it demands reciprocity from the LO who is largely a construct of the LE’s imagination. If an LE truly cares for the LO’s well and that of their own, they would let the LO be free of this burden. Reply Erata 18 JANUARY 2018 AT I was the LO of a songwriter, and my experience was that even though he referred to conversations we had in his songs, I sensed that he loved not me, but some version of me in his mind. I also noted that he sent his friends to try to get me to date him, but would

10. become speechless when we touched on the subject of our relationship in person. Meanwhile, he was dating more than one woman at the same time. Clearly, he was at high risk of failure to attach. My response was to keep our relationship in friendship mode and not encourage romantic involvement. This was not e?ective in preventing his illusions, either, I found. I married someone else and moved out of state. This did not help. My marriage was abusive. My husband, jealous of him, threatened to kill us both. After sixteen years, I left. The songwriter kept trying to get in touch with me for three more years, never comprehending the danger he put me. himself, or my children in. Then he died in a car accident. Reply Rob 18 NOVEMBER 2015 AT Clare 1/2 I quit smoking when my life burnt up into ashes. I had tried before but it was so easy to just have one and then another. because you think about them. they are on your mind and so is the memory of the feeling of breathing deep into yourself. in actual fact it tastes awful, makes your lungs feel wrecked and spins your head. easily forgotten. But then everything turned to shit and I decided I couldn’t a?ord cigarettes. I stop identifying as a smoker, more importantly I stopped identifying as a non-smoker. it wasn’t on my radar at all. Likewise my ?nal escape* from LO was only because of catastrophe. a massive brutal dose of reality that left no room for idle thought or romantic intention. and in the clarity that followed, I made sure I wasn’t going to just drop back into old habits. here was my chance. the cell door was open, I wasn’t going to loiter. 1/2 Reply Crystal 5 MAY 2016 AT Hi Rob! It’s amazing how you quit both! I’m have the same problems and somehow I know that when I quit smoking I will quit him too. How did you quit her? Btw, I haven’t smoked for a week now and planning to keep strong… Reply Rob 14 JUNE 2016 AT Hi Crystal, The smoking analogy and LO were actually years apart. I brought it up because I felt it was two parts of the same kind of problem. Keep reading comment 2, sadly this wasn’t the actual answer. She’s gone now, no contact. still thinking of her most days, but its a passing thought and I’ve got better things to do. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Thank god, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Also, really want to edit those previous comments. Good luck Crystal. Reply Rob

11. 18 NOVEMBER 2015 AT Clare 2/2 I marked down all her negative points and reevaluated how she treated me. There were absolute deal breakers I had glossed over for months. So I rebuilt my image of her, somewhat monstrous. something to avoid and resent. not true, not fair, too bad Ive had maybe 6 “days o?” when she wasn’t totally dominating my thinking and each time I felt more like me, more in control, more con?dent. Yes the gloss comes o? everything and i miss the soft lull of dreaming about somebody else and in weak moments, I mourn the girl that she was and hate the girl that she is. a deliberate choice to divide her into two di?erent people, so I can mentally breakup with that beautiful soul with the eyes that I get lost in fuckfuckfuck. Quitting drinking helped. maintain strict discipline whatever you have control of but usually let yourself get slack on good luck everyone, its worth trying to beat it. 2/2 Reply Jacklyn 7 MAY 2017 AT Rob Your story gives me hope Reply Weeza 12 JUNE 2017 AT I believe I read somewhere there is a link to addiction for limerant people. I believe limerance is a form of addiction. It de?nitely generates dopamine. I used to think I was an “addictive personality ” because over my lifetime I’ve said I always needed a vice (cigs, weed, alcohol, LO), but now I believe as a result of childhood trauma, my brain did not develop optimally, that I have a dopamine de?ciency which produced ADHD symptoms (Scattered: Dr Gabor Mate) and addictions were self medication to get appropriate levels of dopamine. If I have sex with a man, I get a dopamine rush and then immediately become addicted, even if he’s not right for me. Maybe not every time but a lot. Makes me feel like I have to avoid relationships altogether! Reply David 12 JUNE 2017 AT [quote name=”Weeza”]I believe I read somewhere there is a link to addiction for limerant people. I believe limerance is a form of addiction. It de?nitely generates dopamine. I used to think I was an “addictive personality ” because over my lifetime I’ve said I always needed a vice (cigs, weed, alcohol, LO), but now I believe as a result of childhood trauma, my brain did not develop optimally, that I have a dopamine de?ciency which produced ADHD symptoms (Scattered: Dr Gabor Mate) and addictions were self medication to get appropriate levels of dopamine. If I have sex with a man, I get a dopamine rush and then immediately become addicted, even if he’s not right for me. Maybe not every time but a lot. Makes me feel like I have to avoid relationships altogether![/quote] Absolutely re limerence and addiction – we have a whole section on the forum related to addiction – see http:/ /limerence.net/forum/viewforum.php? f=59&sid=b98fc042c0ca491f5d99f8e2409fe60c

12. Reply Mike 23 NOVEMBER 2015 AT I had a mutual limerence relationship with a girl for 3 years. It was very destructive for both of us and ended badly. It took me a good two years to get over her, although I never did forgot her !6 years later I found her and contacted her. She was happy to hear from me and said she never forgot me either. The funny thing is we are both in destructive mutual limerence relationships right now. We talk all the time and try to help each other get through it. It was like we had not talked in a week not 16 years and we grow closer each day Reply Anonymous 10 DECEMBER 2015 AT I recently found out my boyfriend of 5 years had an obsessive crush about a girl he’d been chatting online with. It started as just friendly chat but he found he was having feelings for her, idealizing her, couldn’t stop thinking about her. He did the same to me before we started going out but I guess I thought I was special. He said he’s stopped talking to her and hates that he can’t control his feelings and he knew he had just made up this image of her in his mind. Can I ever trust him not to be limerence with another girl he meets? Or at least cut o? contact if he recognizes these feelings again? Reply J 11 DECEMBER 2015 AT I am currently in a limerence relationship in which my ?ancé is the one struggling with these obsessive thoughts. He has got to jail a couple times because of it. Unfortunately, when I do leave, I feel horrible and only remember the good times. I convince myself that he will change. I think it’s important to remember that this is a mental condition and will not simply heal itself. He follows me. Calls me constantly. Asks me such personal questions and questions about the past that are irrelevant. He looks at my ?aws and fantasizes about them as perfections. The ?rst time I left him, he damaged my vehicle. The second time, he followed me and kept leaving things at my door. He was later arrested for domestic violence and harassment (originally stalking as well). Just yesterday, only a day after proposing, one of my neighbors down the street called the cops because a suspicious car was outside her house. He was stalking me again. I know we love these people. But we have to let go. Reply David 7 JANUARY 2016 AT Yes going No Contact is the start. Reply Sound 3 MARCH 2016 AT I’m 15 years old and usually when I get crushes they’re mild and I don’t feel limerence, except for one person. I feel like limerence describes my feelings for him perfectly. I got a strong, obsessive crush on them in 6th grade which continued until about the end of 7th grade, though i never really got over him, I guess. We’ve started talking again recently and

13. though I’m dating someone, I’m falling for this person all over again. I don’t want to love them but I do, and I don’t know why. These feelings won’t go away. I’m terri?ed and knowing that I’m obsessed with him makes me feel like a freakish stalker. Someone, please, please help me. I have no idea what to do. Reply AnonLim 5 JUNE 2017 AT There are di?erent things you could do that might help. Self help books, therapy, prayer, meditation, etc…. or maybe just when these thoughts come on, silently be your own limerence coach. Talk yourself o? the ledge… I guess I am one to talk though… I have the same issues (see my post- I might be in bigger trouble!!) Reply Hildegarde 8 MARCH 2016 AT The last time I tried to break o? contact with my LO I heard from mutual friend that LO very depressed about it. He’s been through a lot of heartache in life, and I am compassionate (to the extreme), and when he texted that he absolutely had to tell me about some important news, I capitulated. He poured out his heart about he told our friend how depressed he was when I was MIA, and just couldn’t understand it. He said “You are my best friend, and I am yours”. But that’s all it appears to be…friendship with no future! There is a large age di?erence (I am the older one) and I am quite di?erent from his past two great loves (who both broke his heart into smithereens), . I do realize now that I am a limerent, I have known for a few years that mum has NPD. Why does LO insist on being my best friend? I know I have to try my best at NC and to ?nally heal (it’s been about 4 years) but as we all know, it’s agony. He has been kind, generous, helpful and so fun! A great love, but not. Reply MJ 29 MARCH 2016 AT I have literally been head over heels in love with this girl at my college for seven straight months now. I freeze up and feel butter?ies every time I see her. The other night, I couldn’t keep my feelings in any more. She’s a friend and colleague of mine. We are in the same club. I got invited to party thrown by another fellow club member last week. I got really drunk at the party and I confessed my feelings for her. She was really chill and she understood. She texted me the next day and told me I was a really great person, and although she wasn’t interested, she told me I would ?nd someone awesome. So we are chill now. However, I saw her on campus twice today after my class, and felt the butter?ies immediately. I do not know what to do about the butter?ies. I want it to stop. I do not want to have feelings for this girl any more. Reply Babs 29 MARCH 2016 AT [quote name=”MJ”] I want it to stop. I do not want to have feelings for this girl any more. [/quote] Exactly. 16 months here. I see him every work day. I really want it to stop. I also do not want to have feelings for him any longer. I research for ways to stay busy, try to discipline my brain. I try to ignore him – which makes him give me MORE attention. Arrggh! So, I try to act normal and talk to him like normal co-workers. Me changing jobs is not a possibility at this

14. time. I doubt that he is going anywhere, but I keep hoping. In fact, I point out job opportunities to him. Sigh. Reply Mandy 10 MAY 2016 AT I’m engaged and I am in love with a very good friend of mine. My rational mind doesn’t want to be with him but I can’t stop my internal voice from telling me that I’m in love with him every day. I feel like no contact is impossible. No contact would be so extreme and over the top but I just need to stop thinking about being with him. The fantasy is NOT the reality. Even if I was with him it would not be anything close to the fantasy I have. In fact, it probably has nothing to do with him at all. I want a fantasy that doesn’t exist and I just put it on him because he’s what’s there. I could put this fantasy on anyone. Because I’m obsessed with love, fairy tale love, the kind of love that you KNOW isn’t real. But why? Why isn’t it real? Is it real? If it is, why don’t I have it? Reply Kyle 14 MAY 2016 AT Oh Mandy, I feel for you, because I know how it feels..like you are being pulled in half. The people I know that are happily married fall into either one of 2 categories..1=Star crossed lovers..they knew from an early age or when they met they should be together, and 2 – divorced and married someone more compatible. I have been married 15+ years, and there are times I question if I got it right. On top of that have 2 kids. It doesn’t make sense that someone has come into my life and turned it upside down with these feelings. I have not acted on this, but it is driving me crazy. The feelings go way beyond sex. I think it is great that you recognize your feelings as tied to fantasy because you’re right…you can live out a fantasy with anyone. I think the key is “Will the other person enjoy this fantasy long-term?”, and not just say anything because they are attracted to you. Also, what other fantasies do you have? Would your partner enjoy playing those out as well? Reply Brandon 18 MAY 2016 AT I can’t believe I’m typing this. This is a pattern for me, every year or so I become so completely consumed with a guy. Generally they aren’t emotionally available or even gay for that matter. It become this obsession in my mind and my whole day revolves around whether I get attention from this person or not. Right now, they guy has a girlfriend and has told me sleeps with other men and doesn’t plan on stopping. I’m so embarrassed that I won’t even tell my friends. I realize the healthy thing to do would be to stop talking to him, but the thought brings about such intense anxiety that I will allow myself to keep doing, generally till the person sees how crazy I get and stops talking to me. I’ve literally passed up wonderful chances to be in relationships with available healthy guys but always have this other person who I unrealisticly beleive will be with me even though I realize it will never happen. It’s literally killing me. I guess thanks for reading. Reply Mc?urry 3 JUNE 2016 AT Thanks you for this site, after reading all the comments here I feel so much less alone and ridiculous in how I feel and have felt towards women, usually very close friends in the past. I am the typical nice guy, usually single, always pineing for the wrong girl who just think is of me as a friend. I look back on my romantic history and I see a very distinct pattern that

15. keeps plaguing me. I will meet a girl, fall head over heals for her and spend literally years trying to recoup only to fall back into the same pattern again always with the hope that this time will be di?erent. This most recent limerence has left me at all time lows and even though I know she cares for me, she dropped rather hard and quickly ending our fwb before as I hoped it would blossom into much more. I’m a wreck, she enters my mind everyday even though we haven’t talked in over a two months. I know if I truly love her I would just let her go but nothing will erase her from my soul, I won’t ?nd peace Reply Maria Teresa 14 JUNE 2016 AT I constantly experience Limerence. What’s horrible is that I’ve been engaged to the father of my child. I love him and we’ve been together for 9 years. Once I met a guy online and we had a relationship for 5 months and never even met. He was an escape. He had a great job. He was fun. He had qualities that I liked in my ?ancé and others that my ?ancé did not, which I also found attractive and intriguing. We talked about my son and I moving to Louisiana (we live farrrrr from there) and how we’d make an amazing life together. After we broke it o?, I didn’t even miss him. It was so weird. I’ve also been experiencing Limerence with my third cousin for 17 years. I’m only 34. We have hooked up on and o? for a long time. Sometimes we go a few years where we don’t talk, but when we ?nally contact each other again, we can’t stop the way we feel. My wedding is in 3 months. My cousin and I have been hooking up every other weekend for the past 3 months. I’m screwed up. Reply Shelly 3 JULY 2016 AT Hi all, I would like to know where to ?nd in the Forum about LE reactions to letdowns from LO, inlcuding extreme jealousy, abandonment feelings, rejection, that somehow do not match the situation in reality. I.e, my LO couldnt talk to me at the hour we set and I took that so bad, didnt have an argument but I felt worse than if I just gone through a break-up, which I logically see its not a natural reaction to what just happened. The feelings in me are: a lot of anger and wishing to get even, like punish him in some way for doing that, in fact I just ignored him after that and he is Limerent too, so I know he wont take that too cool. Perhaps I am reacting to abandonment and neglect from my parents, transferring that to this? Reply David 3 JULY 2016 AT limerence.net/forum Reply Shelly 3 JULY 2016 AT Thanks David Reply Zach 5 JULY 2016 AT

16. Wow I didn’t know this had a word. I was 17 and she was 15 when we started dating. I fell head over heels in love with her and she with me. It was the best year of my life. I moved to college and could only come home weekends. I’m not sure what happened on her end other than she was young and not ready to settle down. People called our love “puppy love,” but I knew better (at least on my end). I knew it was the real thing. She was the ?rst girl to ever tell me she loved me.. that really meant something to me. Why would she say it if she didn’t feel as strongly as I did I thought to myself. We broke up and not a single day has gone by that I don’t think about her throughout the day and miss her. That was over 12 years ago at this point. I tried reaching out to her a few years ago to see how she was doing hoping maybe things would work out, but it doesn’t look good. Whatever feelings she once had for me are long gone and are never coming back. Reply Eddie 16 FEBRUARY 2019 AT I’ve had several LOs in my life, the ?rst continuously since 1988. We broke up after college. I still think of her almost daily. We’ve remained friends and write each other every couple of weeks, and she’s far enough that I don’t obsess every day, but the pain over what might have been has never gone away. There’s never been anyone to talk to about it. So glad to have found this forum. Good luck Zach. Reply Mike 20 JULY 2016 AT I am 42 years old and have been limerent with six di?erent girls, The ?rst case began when I was 13 and lasted 9 years. I had a few shorter episodes, each lasting 1 to 3 years, and then another one lasting 9 more years. My current episode is going on 1 year. The worst part of it is, my last two LO’s have been signi?cantly younger than me. It’s almost as if I am trying to relive the ?rst experience. I am ?nally ready to start the work I need to do to better myself, but it is going to be painful since I’m not in a position to go no contact. Reply Greg 9 JUNE 2017 AT Mike – curious about how it’s going now. I’m in a similar situation of limerence for someone I work with. Getting a new job is out of the question and it is likely we’ll work together for the next 15 years or so until retirement. To make it worse, she has been dating another co-worker of mine for a few years now while keeping it a secret because of workplace romance concerns. It is a daily torture and I’m curious if you ever found relief even while not being able to go no-contact. Thanks. Reply JD 9 SEPTEMBER 2016 AT I just found out about limerence like an hour ago, and realized I’ve su?eref from this my entire life. I’m 25 years old kinda a loner whos considered a good looking guy, throughout High School a lot of girls had crushes on me. But I rarely ever had interest in the. Id always develop crushes on one girl and become obsessive, to the point I cant even think logically and it never works out.

17. 3 years ago I became obsessed with a co worker who showed me signs of interest we even went on a date but i didnt work out and I had an almost 6 months long depression obsessing over her. I thought I learned my lesson but now again I ?nd myself obsessed with a new girl. Shes the most beautiful girl I’ve ever been with and I’m constantly fantasizing about her. I live in NYC she lives in DC but is originally from NY so shes visits often. We made plans to meet up a week ago but she postponed her trip inde?nitely. Its driving me seriously crazy . Reply Scott 12 SEPTEMBER 2016 AT Hi all, My LO emailed me in June telling me to cease all contact with him and blocked me on Facebook. You would think this had been the result of something major on my part, but honestly, it had only been some feelings of weirdness for a couple of months, on my part, followed by one particularly contentious text conversation that actually ended well. Two days later, I was cut o?. It took everything in my power to respect the LO’s boundaries, but I have. Didn’t see him at all over the summer, which has been an immense help, but now am back to a regular weekly activity in which I will see him all the time. The feelings are ?ooding back, even though we are not even friends any longer! Anyway, just wanted to ask if anyone has pursued this as being a result of early attachment issues. In my own life, I had a father who passed away when I was 4 and mother who may well have been emotionally unavailable while dealing with this both before and after the death. Reply Sebastian 7 OCTOBER 2016 AT How many Introverts are we? is there a correlation? Introverts upvote plz! Extroverts downvote plz! Reply Sondra 11 OCTOBER 2016 AT Extrovert here. Not sure if there’s a correlation with personality type. I’ve had intense crushes and overly fantasized about ?nding a soulmate but have always dealt with breakups well. This last one though may very well be limerence. We dated six months and it wasn’t working for him. He’s been fairly kind about it, and has proposed we be friends, but my obsession is just getting worse. It’s been six months since we stopped seeing each other and I keep getting more obsessed. I can usually leave him alone for about two weeks before I feel the extreme need to make contact. Sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn’t. I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I know it’s not real love, it can’t be. It’s one sided. But he’s in my thoughts almost every waking moment. It has to stop one day. I just have to keep believing that. Reply Nikki 7 OCTOBER 2016 AT Wow, I stumbled on this site and everything I read makes me say out loud…oh my God! This is me, these are my thoughts, this has a name, I’m not crazy, there are others in the same awful boat…but there is hope Reply

18. #David 8 OCTOBER 2016 AT Its been 5 years since she dumped me and i am living in a lie that “i can forget her”. After knowing that she will never c ome back to me i am still waiting . After all these years i still check her msg . I don’t know how to stop it , but i want it to stop bothering me. Reply mjalim 24 OCTOBER 2016 AT I had the worse case of Limerance imaginable. I deal with it very well now but I also think my LO will contact me. It’s been nearly 2 years with no contact. I still allow the thoughts to be im my head and I also laugh at myself and say “there I go again” when the thoughts do happen. At the end of the day thoughts are thoughts and thats all they are. Learn to live with them and don`t act on them. The deminish with time but will probably always be there. Reply Liss 26 OCTOBER 2016 AT So…..I started dating this guy in 2011 and the beginning of our relationship was a fairytale. It was the best relationship I’ve ever had. We dated from July 2011 to May 2012. Around February I noticed a change in him. He was distancing himself from me. And I’ve never felt more lonely than when I was in bed with him and he wouldn’t hold me or cuddle. Anyway we broke up and almost 5 years later here I am still thinking of him everyday. I don’t think it’s obsessive but we made plans for a future together. And when we broke up all of our dreams went down the tubes. To this day I still don’t have an answer to why he left me. It really hurt because I put a lot into the relationship and I told him things I didn’t tell anyone. I miss him and us. Is that limerence or normal. Reply David 26 OCTOBER 2016 AT 5 years is a long time. You are likely to get more feedback from the main forum Liss. Reply Xx95 21 DECEMBER 2017 AT Sounds normal your should be ?ne Reply Luna 1 NOVEMBER 2016 AT 1 year together, he dumped me once so I unfriended him so he blocked me. We started again, I dumbed him, he unfriended me. I feel bad to have dumbed him today, but I know that it was the right choice at that time. I think about him 24/7. How sick is this!!! Reply Meredith

19. 4 NOVEMBER 2016 AT I had no idea that there were other people who felt this way. The closest connection I had was with a TV character. I hope I can get some help, I need it. Reply Alfred 14 DECEMBER 2016 AT Thank you for creating this website and forum Reply Jimmy 21 DECEMBER 2016 AT 2 months dating, she sayd to me she miss me, that I am the best… 4 days later, she suddenly cut me o? by message, saying she doesn’t think she is the girl for me… I felt so frustrated and hurt she took decision for both of us, while in fact I have just fallen for her. Somehow I let her in… and she was there in my heart ! My bad, I am very picky person, I waited 10 years to meet such a girl, and meeting her, I though, ?nally someone I could marry, have family with, travel the world, she become the key to my happiness, and in a what it seems over-reacting moment from her part, she decided to breakup claiming it was best for me… goodbye to the relationship, became goodbye to my found happiness, crumble dreams ! I am 40 year old, I should know better…. I need to understand… what went wrong ? am not a cat, can’t fall down on my 4 feets just like that, just because she think I can easily forget her… need a process, need to see you and talk it though…. Reply Jimmy 21 DECEMBER 2016 AT But here come the no Contact rule from her !! un-friended F–k! Grrrrr !!!! she just gave me a “sorry” …. now my Limerence is kicking in ! I am down ! It is easier to say goodbye to a relationship who is past then to say goodbye to the person, it is like death, the grieving process takes much longer. why you impose that to me ? I never asked for it ! just starting… we know how it goes… weight loss, projects at work get in trouble, start self abusing and self-destructive behaviors… Why she can’t understand ? all that drama could just have been avoided.. we are adult … in fact : why I CAN NOT GET IT ? am sick .. so stupid… like catch a cold for the body, a cold for emotional state.. where is my vitamin C ? let’s rebuild .. at least we learn something out of it…. Next time around a girl break up, I have to impose myself a 4 months no contact, let HER miss me, and realize I am the Alpha the one who know better. NEVER try to convince her… Reply Ron 8 JANUARY 2017 AT I came across an amusing case study on blog spot that I’ve been following ‘Limerence in the age of terror’ Reply Char 18 MARCH 2017 AT I’m actually amazed at how much I have resonated with all of what I am reading from limerance/pnf/narcissistic parental ?gure. Extrovert here. I’m 34 I put my constant

20. relationships ranging 1-4years down to ‘serial monogamy’ but the truth is deeper. In the last year, after a four year monogamous but not growing relationship, I have experienced many consensual sexual experiences but still I have this limerance quality where I want crave unconscious or not, to be a reciprocated long term relationship! Even when exploring polyamory!! I mean this is me to a tee, I’m so greatful that this site exists, that I can de?ne it and move forward, and yes though the steps I read are very dramatic re:abstinence from relationships, my gut instinct is telling me in order to change I have no choice but to take that path, good luck everyone x Reply Genie 9 AUGUST 2017 AT I too just found this site and have the exact same experience as you Char. I am also raised by narc mother and since I was 12 I have been a serial monogamist who cheats. Is that possible? I am debating whether I have true Limerance because I have been having an a?air for a year with a married man who I am in love with. I relate to having obsessive thoughts and fantasies about him but it is di?erent because he does reciprocate his a?ection as well. I also have dabbled with being the third partner in a poly relationship. I don’t know if it is just an intimacy disorder or what but I relate to you and limerance. The idea of cutting it o? cold turkey makes me nauseous to think about… ugh Reply Cookie 27 SEPTEMBER 2017 AT [quote name=”Char”]I’m actually amazed at how much I have resonated with all of what I am reading from limerance/pnf/narcissistic parental ?gure. [/quote] Wow…the narcissistic parent connection is undeniable to me now. Mine was also alcoholic, so was even further distracted (read: absent, unattached). In fact, I was the LO of a narcissist in my last “round” of this insanity. I was actually going to leave my husband and my life to ?nd a way to be with this guy. He love-bombed me in the beginning, dumped me, came crawling back, then I dumped him — ?nally for good. What fun. My latest LO was very sweet…but was also alcoholic. And then would disappear. In the end, none of this is healthy. It could be 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, or more, but the LO is often experiencing as many struggles or more as you are. They just present di?erently. Reply Betty 21 MARCH 2017 AT Thank For i’ve found this website! I’m su?ering of limerence and I thought that I was the only one, because I don’t know anybody else passing through tais as well! My friends think I’m crazy, and also do I. I am 28 years old and I am in love with a co-woker since two years ago, it’s completely unrequited! But 1 month ago he moved away to another city! Now my friends keep telling me that is time to move on, and I rationally understand this, but emotionally I can’t stop thinking about him every waking hour, I lost my religion, I’m sick, I can’t eat, or sleep, or even work! How can I move on? Thank you very much! Reply Valencia 2 MAY 2017 AT It seems like im one of the few on this site on the other end of limerence. I think i must be a limerent object. Ive been searching for some way to explain my a?ect on this other person. He thinks im a magical witch. It was love at ?rst sight for him. He says we are twin ?ames. It