Getting Tired of badoo czy tinder? 10 Sources of Inspiration That'll Rekindle Yo

1. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no reply. At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely was not my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal plan, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like this? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was really a response for what men do to women. There are 3 significant levers in our lives that, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I believed I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was depressed. I was scared. I was scarred. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick on online dating's ass!" I started to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I chose to master online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so you can not only get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the under. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that

2. come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you will be much more inclined to enjoy the process. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but perhaps they are, I will leave it for you to judge. Notice: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a whole lot of these approaches as we navigate the present struggles and embarrassments of his own dating journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target obviously. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've discovered is that both men and women that are looking for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photos. Now I would like to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they have found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph before a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a bad first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading with them on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to possess intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Online dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she's

3. looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. For men, we tend to have the opposite problem. Every man who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation. Guys, this is completely your own fault. I have seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, men have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I will outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. For example, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months later that, while it's good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I was dating the right folks. Fortunately I realized this before I had been the victim of some more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about if we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They do not get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is one picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one.

4. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is the profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my photos. One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first image wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default option. The answer: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the exact same on every profile, but I set up another profile picture on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could get a large enough sample size and make certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a film I didn't read much into, pic B, was actually a massive turn off for pretty much 100% of women. I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your biggest blind spot. To totally test this idea out, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. This is a super simple optimization that may look to be a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you would like to speed up this process, you can actually ask your games what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself." Now, part of the error may be my fault, since I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I

5. wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. Without any filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I have come to realize that there's a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signals to give to other people. A man wearing a button up top, for instance, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he's wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with subsequent convention. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy. I was that man. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and moved on. Choosing your signs is great, but picking false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't want to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not need to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a good description is perhaps the most difficult and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There is no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers. The first step to getting a great dating profile description is having a very clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 parts:

6. Headline: A short sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some colour to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something you two can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating apps the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most important bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The goal of the headline is to provide a quick snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and short functions like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content that will be successful?" Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. For example, if I went into a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and be sure that it is quintessentially you. Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a small amount of color and perhaps some talking points that you can talk about in conversation (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to add if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as you can! Some of my favourite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I love learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss.

7. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a few basic activities and hobbies I enjoy as well as some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anyone. I can not tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm positive that there are people on earth who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of those folks in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially need the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a man who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too. Again, as with all this information, when https://zenwriting.net/rondoconsk/match-com-review-is-it-worth- the-money-impartial-decision-this-is-an in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it.

8. The attractiveness of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your first conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to begin a new relationship. For one thing, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that if you take millions of people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it is a good idea to study your results a little bit. As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with more and more people. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just would not have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us test how well you can judge a good opener from a bad one. A) "Hey! What is it going?" (or some other variation of the sort of question). How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I'll let you think about it for a second. (I will add some distance before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer

9. Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a movie or a place in their own pictures. The reason I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I can use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved past a few messages. The next best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it's obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it seems too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I'll put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for men:

10. DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you want a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much guys pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they normally don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure that you ask the guy about things he is interested in also. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to place a lot more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that seems weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a proposal for both parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date determines about 50--70% of the outcome of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date?

11. As it turns out, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Many of them didn't go well, but I was not sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with some other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You are not ready to order because you have been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You then run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost immediately. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- person communication skills. Therefore, if we are getting worse at getting in-person discussions, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had dropped 15 feet to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought.

12. My entire dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I began taking my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date place could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is shifting so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Action -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one fairly wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but make sure it's not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on. I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I'd substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template that simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here is my perfect dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you are a guy) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 different types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between talking and activity. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night in the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can grab drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl didn't like science and facts it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show

13. These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few tips on what to search for on each date as you attempt to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for good conversation. Be certain that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Make sure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that isn't too difficult. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to the next level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether you want to continue seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right maybe among the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see men screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you sleep together? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, forth and back. In order to make certain I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found that it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the digital world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is very easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would use their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar balances. One thing I noticed is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?"

14. Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if needed. When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people don't mind if you do not like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion would be to quit playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you don't, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you are not prepared to date right now. I had a woman tell me this and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and utilized it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. He told me,"Girls are like shadows, the more you chase them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you." If you discover someone who you would like to be with really badly, do not frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to set up a date, but there is no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Allow the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There is a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well. In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships if there is a probability of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, ironically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken.

15. My cadence for relationship I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship. In fact, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is imperative to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides can help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and only create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world-class investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A way of doing this is by going on dates that aren't only sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something fun. And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and dating sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all of the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of several. But remember, when you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on your own, improving your discussions, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more folks can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.