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1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to Browse the pains and pitfalls She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the invoice. Still, no response. At this time I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely was not my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when women go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online dating, however, I realized that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. There are 3 major levers in our lives that, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I learned this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once. I quit the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was depressed. I was scared. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!" I started to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the entire process I took to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not only get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I should preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might need to be different than the below. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you will be much more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person.

2. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the present struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The absolute most frequent mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've found is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In fact, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph until a user clicks, resulting in provocative photographs sets a poor first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading with them in your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing

3. So, although Maddy was trying to locate a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every man who has done online dating will testify to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to get them to engage in a conversation. Men, this is entirely your fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, guys tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their fingers develop calluses. Guys, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. For example, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it is good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the perfect people. Fortunately I realized this before I had been the victim of some more"meal programs ." STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one.

4. If one is approaching online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default option. The answer: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the exact same on every profile, but I put up another profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles before I could get a large enough sample size and make sure that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a picture I didn't read much into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100% of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are really good friends of mine, so that I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot. To completely test this idea out, I really enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that may look to be a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you want to speed this process up, you can really ask your matches exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask

5. recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) Now, part of the error may be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our complete selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signals to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up top, as an example, isn't always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he is wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. At first I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. I was that guy. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party did not match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signs is good, but choosing false signals not so much. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You want to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't want to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of enhancing your online dating profile. There is absolutely no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers.

6. The first step to getting a good dating profile description is having a clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A short sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that gives some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know https://shaneiqzk063.godaddysites.com/f/jak-zagada%C4%87-na-badoo-11-thing- youre-forgetting-to-do something you two can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want men messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: fast and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important bit of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The objective of the headline is to provide a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the person who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content that will be successful?" Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, great content is about respecting the medium that you're producing the content for. By way of example, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online dating, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and be certain that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and possibly some talking points that you two can talk about in conversation (again, ladies, this is extremely important to add if you want to have more meaningful

7. conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I enjoy and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anybody. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am positive there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the folks in your area enjoy both those things too. Rather than attempting to fit in, attempt to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Most people like being outside and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you basically want the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact. I've heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a guy who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to seem desperate. But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that says:

8. My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outdoors." Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it. The beauty of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for instance, you have tens of thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial contact and chatting where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For one thing, it is a very unnatural method of communicating, because it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that if you take millions of people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it's a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to determine if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? For bonus points, try to order them from most effective to least effective. A) "Hey! How's it going?" B) "Hey! C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or some other variation of this type of question). D) "Hey!

9. (according to a book they listed in their profile) I will let you think about it for a second. (I'll add some space before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, then you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a movie or a place in their own pictures. The reason I suspect the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I may use the book opener to initiate a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is the way I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and went past a few messages. The second best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I'm going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and the other person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are a few guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and

10. trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation like you would with a friend. DO try to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Make certain that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received quite curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then be certain that you ask the man about things he's interested in as well. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to put a good deal more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a guy says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a proposal for both parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it isn't actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your residence. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the outcome of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

11. Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to relationship so I was just following what I'd seen in movies. Most of them didn't go well, but I was not sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I decided that I need to experiment with several other locations. What happened next was totally mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I was choosing better women to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a desk. You start talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order because you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You look at the menu making comments about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. Then you run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? You need to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost immediately. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-person communication skills. So, if we're getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that relationship could be a life-or-death activity, but one day changed all that. I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. My fingers began to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not catch the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was certain was my upcoming death. Eventually the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both physically and emotionally. My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners.

12. A number of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a great date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is changing so that you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" Activity -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but make sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she is not scared of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date earlier? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the very same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template which simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here's my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you're a guy) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. It is possible to extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the shore, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a woman did not like facts and science it likely would not work out between us anyway. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show

13. These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on every date as you attempt to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Be certain that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you've both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you'll both like that isn't too difficult. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You confirmed you like each other, it's time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose provides new intimacy to the connection. For instance, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe one of the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't always the case) there are a few questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The main thing is to actually consider timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, back and forth. In order to make certain I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff.

14. One thing I noticed is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great too. Okay how about the week after that?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting to the calendar with the choice of cancelling if needed. When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting plenty of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you don't, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you aren't prepared to date at this time. I had a woman tell me and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and utilized it later myself also ). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and they then proceed to text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. He told me,"Girls are like shadows, the more you chase them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you." If you find someone who you want to be with really badly, don't frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously attempt to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific evidence for it also. In a number of studies, anthropologists have found that lots of primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing telephone patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that connection weakening.

15. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of the post, these dating strategies helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of relationship. In fact, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system set up to help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and continue. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides will help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. Perhaps the single most important thing to bear in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we often discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just make your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the advice of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates that are not only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something interesting. And, to minimize the risk, you need to build both an outreach and dating sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Of course, irrespective of how well I did all the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

16. Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your relationship with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people can find it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.