Perfectionism in Gifted Children

1. Perfectionismin Gifted Children Lauren Hardy Summer 2009

2. “I have offended God and mankind because my work didn’t reach the quality it should have.” -Leonardo da Vinci

3. What is perfectionism? • Mosby’s Medical Dictionary: a subjective state in which a person pursues an extremely high standard of performance and, in many cases, demands the same standards of others. Failure to attain the goals may lead to feelings of defeat and other adverse psychological consequences.

4. What is perfectionism? Perfectionism is often viewed on a continuum. • Hamachek (1978) identified two types of perfectionists: 1). Normal Perfectionists 2). Neurotic Perfectionists

5. What is perfectionism? • Normal/Healthy Perfectionists- “derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort and who feel free to be less precise as the situation permits.” • Neurotic/Unhealthy Perfectionists- “are unable to feel satisfaction because in their own eyes they never seem to do things good enough to warrant the feeling.”

6. What is perfectionism? • Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett’s Multidimensional Model of Perfectionism defines perfectionism by origin of the standards: 1). Self-oriented- Originates within the individual 2). Socially prescribed- individual perceives that others have placed high standards of performance on them

7. “ I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.” -Marie Curie

8. Possible Causes of Perfectionism: Many theories exist regarding the causes of perfectionism. Some believe that perfectionism is inborn in the individual, while others maintain that perfectionists are products of an overbearing environment (Ex. Authoritarian or perfectionistic parents).

9. Possible Causes of Perfectionism: • Birth Order- Firstborn children and the “eager beaver” phenomenon. • Perfect Parent(s)/Family- high expectations; teaches child that “Our love and affection depend on your ability to do well.” • The “Workaholic Kid”- According to Erik Erikson, children are more prone to be workaholics if they are rewarded only for the things that they do vs. the personal qualities they have been developing. • Media/Social Messages- TV/magazines advertising the “perfect job”, “perfect car”, “perfect marriage”, etc.

10. Behaviors of Perfectionists: Hamachek (1978) identified six specific perfectionistic behaviors describing both normal and neurotic perfectionists on a continuum: 1). Depression 2). A nagging “I should” feeling 3). Shame and guilt 4). Face-saving behavior 5). Shyness and procrastination 6). Self-Deprecation

11. Behaviors of Perfectionists: • Other behaviors include: 1). Riding the mood roller coaster 2). The NumbersGame-quantity of achievements becomes more important than the quality 3). Focusing on thefuture-fail to savor your successes; worrying about future projects 4). Pining over the Past- “If only I’d…” or “Why didn’t I….”, etc.

12. Behaviors of Perfectionists: 5). Telescopic Thinking- magnify the goals you haven’t met and minimize your achievements so they appear insignificant. 6). Putting your goals first 7). Getting it right 8). All or nothing thinking

13. Why Gifted Children become Perfectionists: • Inability to experience failure in the classroom (easy elementary curriculum; no effort for perfect grades • Inability to handle potential failure ( more challenging secondary curriculum; inability to view failure as constructive) • Perceived high demands and expectations from parents • Feeling that love and acceptance is based upon achievement

14. Why Gifted Children become Perfectionists: • “Gifted” label causes student to feel he/she must be “perfect” in all situations • Gifted children often have older friends and set their goals accordingly • When work is unchallenging, students may strive for perfect performance instead of mastery. Grades become artificial rewards • Perfectionistic parents, teachers, and competitive peers

15. Teachers: Praise efforts, not just product Refrain from over-praising: do not make what a child accomplishes more important than who they are Mark the correct answers on papers Allow the child to perform at an average level Reduce academic Pressure Counselors: Help gifted students appreciate the positive aspects associated with perfectionism Have the student journal instances in which he/she tried to be perfect and what happened before and after. Discuss. Allow students to set standards for themselves, but warn them against imposing these standards on others Teach stress-relief and relaxation techniques Tips for Teachers/Counselors:

16. Teachers: Praise students for their efforts/determination vs. being “smart” or “talented” Help the child break down tasks into realistic parts to reduce procrastination Help the child develop realistic schedules Teach the child to prioritize and distinguish essential from non-essential items Work from outlines Counselors: Encourage child to become more aware of lack of others’ perfection Model and encouraging saying “I don’t know” Model and encourage admitting errors without feeling ashamed or explaining oneself Aid the student in focusing on a positive quality in the person he/she’s criticizing Avoid comparing one child with another Tips for Teachers/Counselors:

17. Tips for Parents: • Encourage prioritization of activities and allow child to be “perfect” in activities that are most important. • Model and encourage savoring successes • Make sure that every time a child is criticized he/she is also praised • Praise for accomplishments other than achievement (cooperating, sharing, remembering, etc.) • Model and encouraging saying “No” to requests that may cause overextensions. • Encourage child to take risks

18. Tips for Parents: • Temper tendency toward negative self-appraisal when unrealistic standards are not met • Model and encourage graceful acceptance of your mistakes • Encourage becoming comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty • Have the child investigate the lives of persons who initially failed, but later succeeded: Babe Ruth, Louisa May Alcott, Walt Disney, the Wright Brothers, Benjamin Franklin, etc. • Encourage self-compassion

19. “Be bold. If you’re going to make an error, make a doozey, and don’t be afraid to hit the ball.” -Billie Jean King

20. Resources: • Adderholdt, Miriam & Goldberg, Jan. (1999). Perfectionism: What’s bad about being too good? Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing. • Harvey, V.S. (n.d.). Children and perfectionism. Retrieved July 15, 2009 from http://www.amphi.com/~psych/perfect.html. • Mosby’s Medical Dictionary. (2009). 8th ed. Retrieved July, 18, 2009 from http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/perfectionism. • Neihart, M., Reis, S.M., Robinson, N.M., & Moon, S.M. (2002). The social and emotional development of gifted children: What do we know? Pg. 71-76.Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.