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  1. The Future of Love is Integral With Martin Ucik (say oo-chick) author of “Hopefully people will get a sense of just how complete this book is.  Honestly, I haven’t seen anything quite like it—it’s very impressive.” — Ken Wilber, The Integral Vision

  2. Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.~ Immanuel Kant ~

  3. The Map is Not The Territory

  4. 100 Million Americans (50% of the adult population) are considered to be single. • Over 35 Million adults are trying to find a partner on-line. • Only 3-15% of Americans report to have a really good time in their relationships. • 50% of first-time, 60% of second-time and over 70% of third-time marriages in American end in divorce. • Men benefit more from being in a relationship than women do (income, health, life expectancy, sexual satisfaction, violence, drug abuse etc.) • Women read over 90% of all relationship books. • Two thirds of divorces are filed by women. • Men suffer more emotionally after a breakup. • The resulting suicide rate of divorced fathers is ten times higher than that of divorced mothers.

  5. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc.?? Stereotypes Stereotypes Communication?

  6. Love is unconditional – love relationships are not

  7. Biological Sex and Learned Gender Roles

  8. Feminine/Masculine Polarities

  9. Lines and Levels of consiousness, spiritual, sexual and anima/animus complex developmnet

  10. Personality Matrix With Types

  11. Triangle of Love

  12. Compatibility Matrix

  13. Four Dimensions of Human Experience

  14. Every human possesses these four dimensions

  15. Primary Male Sexual Fantasy How does she look? Primary attraction to body. Men want sex objects.A man wants the one thing from every woman.

  16. Body: Primary Female Sexual Fantasy What does he do? Primary attraction to social status, power, wealth/earning- potential. Women „marry up“ to success objects.A woman wants everyhin from one man.

  17. Primary Fantasy Dynamic Ms. 100% Height 30k per“ 35k Number Mr. 80% Male attractiveness $0k $150k+ Female attractiveness

  18. Fear-Shame Dynamic

  19. I feel threatened/scared; I feel abandoned/disconnected. He does not love me/care for me.

  20. I am not good enough to make her happy. I am not appreciated as her protector/provider.

  21. Fear/Shame Downward Spiral Stops romancing Complaining Fixing Nagging Withdrawing into his cave Shaming Angry Love/Stosny: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It Emasculating Sexualy unfaithful Emotionaly unfaithful Relationship Crash

  22. Learned Gender Roles & Stereotypes • Vary between cultures and throughout History: • Type of clothes we wear • Customary length of hair • Professions we choose • Hours we spend at work • What and whom we play with • Who proposes and buys the diamond ring • Assignment of chores around the house, etc.

  23. Animus Complex In Females: • Stage 1: Male as alien outsiderShe fears, hates and is strangely attracted to him. • Stage 2: Male as Father, God or KingShe wants his approval. • Stage 3: Male as HeroShe wants to look up to him (marry up to him). • Stage 4: Male as Independent BeingShe wants to find out who she is outside male relationship. • Stage 5: Male as partnerShe sees him as an equal and opposite partner.

  24. Anima Complex In Males: • Stage 1: Female as MotherHe needs a mommy to take care of him. • Stage 2: Female as sex objectsHe wants her to admire him, be sexually submissive. • Stage 3: Female as a supportive partnerHe wants her to be his caring, loving wife who he provides for. • Stage 4: Female as creative/spiritual guidesShe challenges him to find meaning/love from a source other than woman. • Stage 5: Female as equal partnerHe sees her as an equal and opposite partner.

  25. Feminine/Masculine Polarities:

  26. Healthy ascending: To improve, to go beyond, to grow, to create (relationships/larger structures), and to think big.Unhealthy ascending: To ignore, repress, control, and dominate the lower, instead of embracing and caring for it. • Healthy descending: To be connected with and sensitive to the richness and fullness of the world, body, feelings, emotions, and sexuality. Unhealthy descending: To be overwhelmed, fused with, and run by details, feelings, earthly desires, and needs. • Healthy agency: Autonomous functioning of the individual, taking action through one’s own will, exerting power.Unhealthy agency: Alienation and dissociation from others. • Healthy communion: Peaceful, responsible, considerate, and caring connection with others. Unhealthy communion: Fusion, dependency, neediness, and clinging.

  27. Masculine Feminine Masculine Feminine

  28. Intelligences/Competencies • Cognitive • Emotional • Musical • Mathematical • Kinesthetic

  29. Intelligences/Competencies • kinesthetic • mathematical • meditative stages • morals/ethics (what to do) • modes of space and time • musical • needs (immediate needs for well-being) • psychosexual (expression of Eros) • role-taking • self-esteem • self-identity (who are you) • socioemotional capacity • spiritual (what is of ultimate concern) • values/worldviews (what is important) • aesthetics (what is beautiful) • affect/emotion (feelings about things) • altruism • care • cognition (awareness of what is) • communicative competence • concern • creativity • death seizure • defense mechanisms • empathy • gender identity • idea of the good • interpersonal capacity (interacting with others)

  30. Developmental Stages

  31. Developmental Stages • Consciosness • Spiritual • Sexual • Anima/Animus

  32. Consciousness Development

  33. Consciousness Development 8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second TierFirst Tier

  34. 1. Infrared Archaic - dead or alive

  35. Consciousness Development 8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second TierFirst Tier

  36. 2. Magenta Magic/Superstitioussafe or unsafe

  37. Consciousness Development 8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second TierFirst Tier

  38. 3. Red Egocentric - good or bad

  39. Consciousness Development 8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second TierFirst Tier

  40. 4. Amber Mythic/Conformist right or wrong

  41. Consciousness Development 8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second TierFirst Tier

  42. 5. Orange Rational/Modern win or lose Kepler, Copernicus, Newton, Galileo, Columbus

  43. Consciousness Development 8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second TierFirst Tier