Habit 5: Seek first to understand Then to be understood

3. Habit 5: Seek first to understandThen to be understood • You have Two ears and One mouth • Before I can walk in another’s shoes, I must first remove my own. • Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf

4. Reflection But I hurt my arm, not my leg This should help you feel better People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!

5. Five Poor Listening Styles Spacing out Pretend listening Selective listening Word listening Self-centred listening

6. Three ways to reply based on Self-centred listening Judging Advising Probing

7. Genuine listening Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears Stand in their shoes Paraphrasing

8. Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears • How you say it • Visual, Auditory, Kineasthetic • Pitch • Pace • Volume • Emotion • Detail/High level • Non-verbal • Eye contact • Posture • Gestures • Facial expression

9. Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears • Try to read the following • I didn’t say you had an attitude problem. • I didn’t say you had an attitude problem. • I didn’t say you had an attitude problem.

10. Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears

11. Stand in their shoes You and I are standing on the banks of a river. I am wearing green lenses and you are wearing red. “Wow, look how green the water is,” “Green? Are you crazy, the water is red,” Hello. Are you colorblind?That’s as green as greengets.” “It’s red, you idiot!”

12. Rich Mate Poor Mate窮富翁大作戰

13. Rich Mate Poor Mate窮富翁大作戰 Michael Tien 田北辰

14. Rich Mate Poor Mate窮富翁大作戰

15. Rich Mate Poor Mate窮富翁大作戰 Erwin Huang黃岳永CEO of TSL Jewellery in 2008~2010Now CEO of WebOrganic

16. Practice paraphrasing Paraphrasing is simply repeat the meaning of what you understand in your own words.

17. Paraphrasing vs Mimicking Hello, How are you? Hello, How are you?

18. Practice paraphrasing • Start with the phrases: • “As I get it, you felt that …” • “So, as I see it …” • “I can see that you’re feeling …” • “You feel that …” • “So, what you’re saying is …”

19. Genuine Listening in Action – Communicating with parents They are human, but not aliens They laugh, they cry, they get hurt … like you and me They have pressures from work, from family finance, from peers … like you and me

20. Genuine Listening in Action – Communicating with parents • Understand them by asking: • How was your day today? • Tell me what you like and don’t like about your job • Is there anything I could do to help around the house?

21. Genuine Listening in Action – Communicating with parents • If you try to understand them, you will get • Greater respect from them • Greater trust from them

22. Seek to be Understood The second half of the habit

23. The greatest fear 3,000 Americans were asked to list their greatest fears. Speaking before a group 41%Heights 32%Insects & Bugs 22%Financial problems 22%Deep Water 21%Sickness 19%Death 19%

24. Giving constructive feedback Ask yourself: Will this feedback really help this person or am I doing it just to suit myself and fix them? Send “I” messages instead of “you” messages.

25. Giving constructive feedback You have a terrible temper. I’m concerned that you have a temper problem. You are so self-centred. I feel that you’ve been acting selfish lately.

26. Reflection Exercise the following Five Effective Listening Basics and share your feedback.