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Chapter 10, Managing Conflict in Marriages and Families

Chapter 10, Managing Conflict in Marriages and Families. Families As Powerful Environments Family Cohesion Conflict and Love Communication and Conflict Management Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines Changing Fighting Habits The Myth of Conflict-free Conflict. Six Qualities of Family Cohesion.

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Chapter 10, Managing Conflict in Marriages and Families

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  1. Chapter 10, Managing Conflict in Marriages and Families • Families As Powerful Environments • Family Cohesion • Conflict and Love • Communication and Conflict Management • Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines • Changing Fighting Habits • The Myth of Conflict-free Conflict

  2. Six Qualities of Family Cohesion • Communicate appreciation for one another. • Arrange personal schedules so they can do things together. • Have a high degree of commitment to promoting one another's happiness and welfare.

  3. Six Qualities of Family Cohesion • Have some spiritual orientation. • Are able to deal with crises. • Have positive communication patterns.

  4. Conflict and Love • All couples experience conflict. • How conflicts are addressed and resolved depends on how secure mates feel in their relationship.

  5. 10 Rules for a Successful Relationship • Express love verbally. • Be physically affectionate. • Express appreciation and admiration. • Share more about yourself with your partner than with any other person. • Offer each other emotional support.

  6. 10 Rules for a Successful Relationship • Express your love materially. • Accept partner’s demands and put up with partner’s shortcomings. • Make time to be alone together. • Do not take the relationship for granted. • Do unto each other as you would have the other do unto you.

  7. Side Affects of Avoiding Conflict • Anger “insteads” - substitute for dealing with emotions: overeating, depression, illness, etc. • Passive-aggression - express indirectly to avoid direct conflict: nagging, criticism, sarcasm. • Devitalized marriages

  8. Horsemen of the Apocalypse • Research identified predictors of divorce: • Contempt • Criticism • Defensiveness • Stonewalling • Belligerence

  9. Managing Conflict • Be more gentle when raising complaints. • Help soothe spouse by communicating care and affection. • Learn self-soothing techniques. • Be willing to accept influence from spouse. • Do best to de-escalate arguments.

  10. Tactics Used by Fight Evaders • Leaving the house or the scene when the fight threatens. • Turing sullen and refusing to argue or talk. • Derailing arguments “I can’t take it when you yell at me.”

  11. Tactics Used by Fight Evaders • Stating “I can’t take you seriously when you act this way.” • Using the hit and run tactic of filing a complaint and leaving no time for a resolution. • Saying “okay, you win” without meaning it.

  12. Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines • Level with each other. • To avoid attacks, use I -statements when possible. • Avoid mixed, or double messages. • Choose the time and place carefully.

  13. Bonding Fights - Nine Guidelines • Focus anger only on specific issues. • Ask for a specific change, but be open to compromise. • Be willing to change yourself. • Don’t try to win. • Remember to end the fight.

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