Family Backgrounds and How They Influence Us

1. Chapter 2 Family Backgrounds and How They Influence Us Now we move on to the chapter that explains much of what can go wrong in relationships and what we can do about it.Now we move on to the chapter that explains much of what can go wrong in relationships and what we can do about it.

2. Chapter Preview Preview STEP 2 Let�s look at the major questions that will be answered in this chapter. Preview STEP 2 Let�s look at the major questions that will be answered in this chapter.

3. Chapter Questions Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner? How does how my parents treated me affect who I am now? What does my family of origin have to do with how I feel about my partner? Preview STEP 2 1 of 3 (Going slowly, one at a time, and pausing gives students a chance to write them down � which helps them remember what will direct their chapter study.)Preview STEP 2 1 of 3 (Going slowly, one at a time, and pausing gives students a chance to write them down � which helps them remember what will direct their chapter study.)

4. Chapter Questions What does how I was raised have to do with the closeness I have in my new family? How did I learn about sex from my family? What did I learn growing up about marriage and divorce? Preview STEP 2 2 of 3Preview STEP 2 2 of 3

5. Chapter Questions What did I learn in my family about proper behavior for men and women? What do different families think is important in life? What are some ways different families communicate about problems? Preview STEP 2 3 of 3Preview STEP 2 3 of 3

6. Guided Learning Process 1st: Question 2nd: Study 3rd: Mark 4th: Question again 5th: Recite 6th: Check 7th: Restudy if necessary Preview STEP 3 Just a quick review of the steps you can use to speed up your study time.Preview STEP 3 Just a quick review of the steps you can use to speed up your study time.

7. Text Assignment (Give assignment for the next class meeting.) (Choose the guiding questions for the sections you have assigned. The following slides present these guiding questions, 2 or 3 per slide, for students to write down.) (Reference numbers from Chapter Outline are noted at the bottom of each slide for instructor reference) (Good time to do the previewing exercise presented in the instructor notes � �Chapter Preview.�) (Give assignment for the next class meeting.) (Choose the guiding questions for the sections you have assigned. The following slides present these guiding questions, 2 or 3 per slide, for students to write down.) (Reference numbers from Chapter Outline are noted at the bottom of each slide for instructor reference) (Good time to do the previewing exercise presented in the instructor notes � �Chapter Preview.�)

8. Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner? How does the family influence who we become as adults? How much does our family influence us? How can looking at our family background help us understand ourselves? The first section of the chapter addresses in general terms how our old family affects our new family. This section is broken into 5 subsections that basically answer the questions on this slide and the next one. 1 of 2The first section of the chapter addresses in general terms how our old family affects our new family. This section is broken into 5 subsections that basically answer the questions on this slide and the next one. 1 of 2

9. Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner? What can I do now about how I was raised? How can I change the way I feel because of negative experiences in my childhood? These are probably the most important questions of the chapter since they address the deepest issues that many of us ever have to deal with. 2 of 2These are probably the most important questions of the chapter since they address the deepest issues that many of us ever have to deal with. 2 of 2

10. How important is approval to children? How does criticism and rejection affect children? How does how my parents treated me affect who I am now? Another section that is critical to our functioning in our current relationships AND to how we treat our own children.Another section that is critical to our functioning in our current relationships AND to how we treat our own children.

11. What does my family of origin have to do with how I feel about my partner?

12. What does how I was raised have to do with the closeness I have in my new family?

13. How did I learn about sex from my family? What are some good things I might have learned about sex from my parents? What are some negative things I might have learned about sex from my parents? How does what I experienced growing up affect my sexual behavior now? Everyone learned about sex from their own families even if it was never talked about.Everyone learned about sex from their own families even if it was never talked about.

14. What did I learn growing up about marriage and divorce?

15. What did I learn in my family about proper behavior for men and women?

16. What do different families think is important in life? How did the culture I grew up in affect what I think is important in life? How did my family of origin affect what I think is important in life? What did I learn in my family about how to work?

17. What are some ways different families communicate about problems? 7 different types of communication What does each of these communication patterns look and sound like? How well does each of these communication patterns work to resolve problems? These are important because they tell us what kinds of communication were modeled for us as children so we can decide which we want to use in our own relationships.These are important because they tell us what kinds of communication were modeled for us as children so we can decide which we want to use in our own relationships.

18. Special Sections

19. Personal Perspective:  Patterns of Communication Why does Alex have such a hard time communicating with his wife?

20. Cultural Perspectives: African American Family Strengths and Influences What is unique about African American families?

21. At Issue Today: Values and Marital Satisfaction How does what we think is important in life affect how happy we are in our marriage?

22. A Question of Policy: Family Environment How can government policies help parents be better parents?

23. Why Examine Family Background? Our family growing up had great impact on our present lives and relationships in two ways:

24. Why Examine Family Background? Family is where we learned how to be a member of society. Our lessons were learned through generational transmission. We learned these lessons in four ways. How do you think we learned?How do you think we learned?

25. We learned in our family by: what our parents told us directly rewards and punishments used to control our behavior interaction with parents observing, imitating, and modeling

26. Our family influenced us according to: How much contact we had with them How intense our contact was with them How important we were to each other Our individual personalities

27. So what do we do about it? Figure out and analyze how our family influenced us Take responsibility to make life what we want it to be and choose our goals Acknowledge feelings about the past Let them go and make peace

29. How Parents Treat Children Approval Way to demonstrate love, value, care and acceptance MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION PARENTS EVER MAKE TO CHILDREN�S DEVELOPMENT Positive self-concept

30. How Parents Treat Children Criticism and rejection Feelings of inferiority and unworthiness Carry forward into adult relationships

32. Attitudes Toward Intimate Partners Adult relationships are often patterned after those in our family of origin. Poor relationship with parents increases difficulties in romantic relationships.

33. Attitudes Toward Intimate Partners Social Learning Theory � children imitate their parents� behavior, attitudes, and perceptions in intimate relationships Attachment Theory � attachment characteristics with parents carried forward to subsequent adult relationships

35. Family Closeness: How We Express Affection Basic human need Affection = hugging, kissing, touching, holding, cuddling, caressing Affection ? sex

36. Family Closeness: How We Express Affection Much variation in families We follow our family of origin�s pattern Males usually less comfortable with affection

38. Attitudes Toward Sex Our attitudes about sex are formed by Parents� attitudes concerning: Natural curiosity Discussion of sexual issues Giving information about sex Quality of relationship with parents

39. Parents of Children with Healthy Attitudes About Sex . . . Have matter-of-fact attitudes about: Occasional nudity Natural bodily functions Give positive instruction about sexual expression at appropriate ages

40. Parents Teach Unhealthy Attitudes About Sex by . . . Repressing children�s natural curiosity Avoiding discussions about sex Saying negative things about sex

41. Effects of Positive Parental Attitudes Teenagers adopt their parents� attitudes Children freely ask questions � thus, can get parents� values Delay in beginning sexual activity

43. Children of Unhappy or Divorced Parents Don�t want to repeat parents� mistakes Want happy marriages for themselves But are influenced by their parents� relationship patterns Are accepting of the possibility of divorce

45. Learning Gender Roles in the Family Gender role = how people express their gender socially Males act �masculine� Females act �feminine� Children usually follow parents� example Appropriateness differs by family

46. Learning Gender Roles in the Family Children learn which of the following are appropriate for men and which for women: traits, behaviors, attitudes, values roles in marriage and family careers

47. Learning Gender Roles in the Family How much children are influenced by parents depends on: how close they feel to their parents how closely they identify with them what gender role their parents exhibit

49. Learning Values in the Family Cultures shape values and values shape cultures. Individualist culture = individualism and independence Collectivist culture = extended family and common good

50. Learning Values in the Family Our family of origin�s values are the basis of what we consider right, good, and proper We form our own values by examining other values.

51. Work Values and Habits The patterns of work in our family or origin are those we unconsciously adopt as adults. Workaholics had workaholic parents Children raised in financially well-off families don�t want to struggle with bills.

53. Close couples: have good verbal and nonverbal communication listen carefully when the other speaks discuss important issues

54. They also: show sensitivity to each other�s feelings say positive things to each other keep the lines of communication open

55. Communication Styles in Families Open, honest, tactful communication Reveal what you think and feel in tactful, sensitive manner

56. Communication Styles in Families Superficial communication Talk often - nothing of significance Problems not dealt with or solved

57. Communication Styles in Families One-sided communication One person lectures Other family members take passive role

58. Communication Styles in Families False communication Lie to avoid trouble Give others what one thinks others want to hear

59. Communication Styles in Families Avoidance of communication Avoid sensitive topics to prevent quarreling or fighting Attempt to escape problems and hope they go away

60. Communication Styles in Families Non-communication Have not learned to express themselves Fear criticism and lack of acceptance

61. Communication Styles in Families Angry communication Low frustration tolerance so become emotionally over-aroused Expression of anger becomes primary mode of connection

62. Good Communication Necessary for a happy relationship A skill that can be learned whether modeled in family or not