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Sexual Purity – Part 1

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. Ephesians 4:17-19

For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.

1 Peter 4:3

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Focus Tonight is On Sexual Purity

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

1 Timothy 4:12

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

1 Timothy 5:1-3

So what is purity?

pu·ri·ty [pyoor-i-tee]


1. the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc.: the purity of drinking water.

2. freedom from any admixture or modifying addition.

3. ceremonial or ritual cleanness.

4. freedom from guilt or evil; innocence.

5. physical chastity; virginity.

Some examples of sexual impurity
Some Examples of Sexual Impurity

  • Lusting after someone (same or opposite sex) that you are not married to

  • Extended (sensual) kissing outside of marriage

  • Improper touching, especially of private parts of another person (“heavy petting”) outside of marriage

  • Impure, sexually oriented conversation intended to arouse sexual passion in another person outside of marriage (e.g., internet chat rooms)

  • Sexual intercourse (heterosexual or homosexual) outside of marriage

  • Masturbation

  • Viewing Pornography

There are many more, including many too offensive even to list here.

How big a deal is this in the church
How Big a Deal Is This in the Church?

  • A significant number of our membership feel ashamed, defeated, and even fear that they won’t be able to stay faithful to God due to failing in some area of purity.

  • How can we joyfully share our faith and be a light to the world if we are being held in slavery by Satan?

  • Our members come from the world, where an estimated 10% to 20% of men are same-sex-attracted.

  • We must have compassion and show respect for our brothers and sisters who want to be in the fight.

  • We must do whatever it takes to be overcomers in our fight against all kinds of sin, including sexual sin.

Why does god make it so hard
Why Does God Make It So Hard?

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:13-17

God’s Perfect Gift of Sexuality

Attraction to Opposite Sex

Incentive to Accept and Value Differences



Very Powerful Bonding Mechanism in Marriage

Incentive to Love, Be Considerate, Resolve

Satan can t create so he perverts
Satan Can’t Create, So He Perverts

Perversion: Twisting something good into something bad.

Satan’s Perversion Process


Internet Porn

TV, Movies




Evil Desire


Impurity in Dating


Dragged, Enticed

Inappropriate Chat


“Experts” SayingIt’s All Fine

Peer Pressure



many more . . .

Some of the lies we hear
Some of the Lies We Hear

  • Bad love is better than no love.

  • Casual or recreational sex is fine, and there are no victims.

  • Masturbation is healthy and has many advantages, and no one gets hurt.

  • Young people have to masturbate if they are not in a sexual relationship with someone.

  • If you are worried about masturbation, don’t. It will cease to be an issue after you get married.

  • There is nothing wrong with viewing pornography. If you are married, it can actually improve your sex life.

  • Having an affair can often improve your marriage.

  • Biblical ideas of sexuality and marriage are out-dated and are unnecessarily oppressive in this enlightened age.

  • Homosexual relationships are just as legitimate as traditional marriages. Anyone who opposes them is bigoted and has no compassion.

  • It doesn’t matter if you marry. Relationships actually do better without a piece of paper.

  • You can’t really know if a person is right for you to marry if you haven’t had sex and lived with them.

  • As long as you are honest with someone, recreational sex is fine.

  • Your sexuality is a personal thing. No one should be telling you how you should live.

  • You don’t have to confess embarrassing sin to others. It’s between you and God.

Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law and obey it with all my heart.

Psalm 119:34

  • Sex is an extremely precious and powerful gift.

  • You need to understand its value so that you will work hard to protect your gift.

  • You need to be aware of the life-long consequences of misusing God’s gift of sex. Sexual experiences tend to have a permanent effect on our minds.

  • First sexual experiences cause an imprinting that God intends to be used to bond a couple in marriage.

  • Sexual experiences outside the context of marriage lead to a number of sinful patterns, attractions, and perversions that become difficult to overcome.

  • In most cases, a person is never free of these difficulties; they simply must learn ways to work around them.

  • Abuses of God’s gift of sex makes it difficult to experience the fullest benefits of God’s gift of sex in the context of marriage.

Some Things You Should Know about Your Brain

Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) controls: planning

delayed gratification






impulse control

learning from mistakes

The PRC is not fully developed until about age 25. (Most car rental agencies won’t rent to drivers under 25.)

There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky,

the way of a snake on a rock,

the way of a ship on the high seas, and

the way of a man with a maiden.

Proverbs 30:18-19

Bottom Line: There’s a lot going on, some we can understand, some we can’t.

We need help!

Many of us messed up by choices we made before we became Christians.

Some of us were abused sexually by someone else.

All of us have to deal righteously with our feelings and temptations.

We are responsible for our choices.

God has given us his Spirit, his Word, and one another to help us in all of our battles.

Imprinting video
Imprinting Video

  • Wait until marriage. Otherwise, you are messing things up.

  • Don’t imprint on sex. Imprint on the girl.

  • Early sexual experiences are powerful and lasting.

  • If you do it right, you’ll have a naturally healthy sexual relationship the rest of your life with your wife.

  • If do it wrong, you’ll have a struggle – probably for the rest of your life.

  • The severity of the struggle depends on how much you indulge in damaging sexual practices and how you get help to deal with it.

  • Women who have multiple sex partners weaken or lose the God-given mechanism to deeply connect and bond.

  • Sex “rocks”! Let’s do it right and reap the benefits that God intends.

Gungor on imprinting
Gungor on Imprinting

Our reality
Our Reality

  • Humanity is BROKEN! The way it should be is . . .

    • Loving parents

    • Safety and protection

    • Affirmation

    • Connection

    • Modeling of roles and relationships

    • Socialization

    • Spiritual training

  • But here’s the REALITY in the world:

    • Absence of training

    • Distant parental relationships

    • Broken homes

    • Lack of role models

    • Sexual and physical abuse

    • Emotional abuse and emotional abandonment


  • Impurity problems stem from relational problems.

  • Relational problems have a relational cure.

  • We must learn how to disciple one-another with empathy, compassion, and a serious commitment to helping one another live victoriously.

  • Each of us needs:

    • an awareness of our needs and pain

    • connected relationships with people

    • a satisfying relationship with God.

  • We are going to be talking more and getting people together to help us to get better at helping one another

Next midweek
Next Midweek

  • The key to incredible married sex: Exclusivity

  • Problems that don’t go away when you get married

  • More ways the culture is lying to you

  • Clueless experts: the proof

  • Confirming God’s plan: The world’s way doesn’t work

  • The effects of masturbation and fantasizing

    • Damage to the marriage relationship

    • Inability to perform

    • Sexual addiction

  • You can say “no”