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Evolutionary Barriers and Opportunities

Evolutionary Barriers and Opportunities. One (unfinished) essay: a case history. First Draft. First Lesson: My initial vision was impossible. Start Over. First Edit. Fourth Edit. First Draft. Some problems: - Lacks detail (of course) - Sloppy and wastes words (of course)

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Evolutionary Barriers and Opportunities

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  1. Evolutionary Barriers and Opportunities

  2. One (unfinished) essay: a case history

  3. First Draft

  4. First Lesson: My initial vision was impossible

  5. Start Over

  6. First Edit

  7. Fourth Edit

  8. First Draft

  9. Some problems: - Lacks detail (of course) - Sloppy and wastes words (of course) - Disorganised: not one idea per paragraph (of course) - Takes too long to get to nut graf (3rd para rather than 2nd) - Examples of SDG conflicts get in way

  10. First Draft Need: condense 3 paras into 2

  11. First Draft Obstacle 1: example of progress

  12. First sentence of second paragraph belongs in the first paragraph: it's on the topic of good progress on the SDGs

  13. First Draft Obstacle 2: example of “obvious” conflicts

  14. The fact that there are “obvious” conflicts steers me away from getting to the main point: that this research is showing how to avoid the worst conflicts This needs to be background material coming after the “nut graf”

  15. First Draft Better – but second paragraph wastes many words and needs shortening

  16. This sentence does nothing

  17. Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement

  18. Using better words – “regress” rather than “moving away”, and mentioning the new study, which I had removed in earlier edit.

  19. Current Draft Discovery: “obvious” conflicts come later

  20. Current Draft Poor topic sentence: I still have a problem!!!!!

  21. Current Draft I still have weak spots in the argument!!!!!

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