Mean what you say and say what you mean

1. Mean what you say and say what you mean Debbie Lucas Head of Training TPAS

2. What we will look at • Communication and how it can become miscommunication • Tools for effective communication • Organising your thoughts • How to say NO

3. Introducing You-In pairs/small groups • Your name and organisation • Any lessons from the film clip? • On a scale of 1-10 how good are you at meaning what you say and saying what you mean • What do you find difficult

4. Effective Communication is the exchange of ideas, information and feelings between two or more people so that they UNDERSTAND each other.

5. Process who?– know them like them?

6. Communication – does it just happen? • communicate all the time - without thinking • successful communication needs thought • communicate via different channels / levels • can easily become miscommunication

7. Miscommunication Non –understanding Listener doesn’t get it ! Misunderstanding An interpretation that the speaker did not intend the listener to gain Misinterpretation Is when interpretation suggests that his/her values are different from the speaker

8. Fatal consequences of miscommunication • March ‘77, 583 people died when KLM and Pan Am planes collided on a crowded, foggy runway in Tenerife, the Canary Islands • confusing phrases • similar sounding words • linguistic issues

9. Communications Channels • Facts – based on our knowledge and experience Manchester City play in the Premier League • Feelings – reactions / emotional plane I’ll be really disappointed if we don’t win the Derby • Values –beliefs about ourselves and society Manchester City is a club of the people! • Opinions – attitudes, own position, subjective Rugby interests me more than football; it’s more exciting

10. Communication 70% • How much time do we do we spend 16% 9% 30% 45%

11. Is hearing the same as listening? • Hearing - physical process • Listening - meaning - psychological process • Listening is different to hearing • “It's listening with one's eyes as well as one's ears” • So how do we listen well?

12. Active Listening • Listening is hard work • You will hear what you want and expect to hear • Think about body language • Active listening is a skill that can be learnt and practised

13. Why be a Better Listener • More effective solution of problems of disagreements, You won’t find yourself asking inappropriate questions very often if you have been able to listen effectively to what is going on

14. Good Question • Open (5WH test) – to gain more information • Closed – to establish facts • Probing – to search for details • Reflective – to show and reinforce understanding

15. What’s the Question Is liver and bacon ok for dinner? What would you like for your dinner? Tell me a little bit more about the vegetables you would like with your dinner? So you are saying that you would prefer carrots and sweetcorn? You are happy about having that aren’t you? Would you like treacle pudding, fresh fruit salad or maybe you would prefer apple meringue or I could whisk up a quick crumble if you really like that or how about banana and custard?

16. Can You Simplify this? A research team proceeded towards the apex of natural geological protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen, in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended sustaining a severe fracture to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure. Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction taken by the first Member.

17. Plain Language • Be Short • Be Simple (KISS) • Be Human

18. Use your voice • Pace and Timing • Tone and Pitch • Inflection and Intonation • Enunciation • Volume and Projection • Silence

19. NonVerbal Communication

20. Non verbal Communication / Body Language • How we communicate using different parts of our body • The way in which we show our emotional side of relationships • Signals we advertently or inadvertently make

21. The impact of a message • Words = the words you say 7% • Dance = your body language 55% • Music = the way you say the words (paralanguage) 38%

22. The way we speak • ‘It’s the way I tell them’ – 38% of communication is about how we speak not what we say  • What tips can you think of about the way you speak to ensure good communication?

23. How we speak - ‘It’s the way I tell them’ • tone of voice • speech pattern • volume • hesitating, er, um • laughing • sighing • yawning • spluttering • throat-clearing Paralanguage • is the way we say thing • listener can tell how • we are feeling

24. Using Your Body55% body language signals given by your • facial expression • eye contact Lets look at • appearance • gestures – body language tips • energise and enliven your face and body • smile and scan around the room for eye contact

25. Oh Directions: Say the word oh differently, giving it the following interpretation or meaning each time: 6. Detachment 7. Resentment 8. Anticipation 9. Surprise 10. Meaning the letter in the alphabet between n and p • 1. Shock • 2. Pleasure • 3. Questioning • 4. Doubt • 5. Displeasure

26. Tips for Effective Communication • Choose the right time and right method • Organize • Be clear – use plain language • Stay on topic • Be articulate • Avoid mumbling • Be attentive when listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest. • Communicate eye-to-eye

27. Organise your Thoughts Think and Plan - Use mind maps

28. Three Levels of Priority what I must tell them what I should tell them what I could tell them What will you tell them?

29. Being More Assertive • Being assertive is about expressing yourself and your rights in a direct, honest and appropriate way without damaging the feelings of other people. • Behaviour that means you are more likely to get what you want • Use “I” rather than “You”

30. The 3 part Sentence 1 – reflects on what the other person wants 2 – communicates how you feel 3 – states what you want

31. Use I Statements Rather than say • You are lying • You make me angry • You are annoying

32. Strategies for saying NO - 1 • Don’t be rushed – notice any hesitation – it probably means you want to say NO • Learn to notice your immediate gut response • You can ask for more time • You can ask for more information

33. Strategies for saying NO - 2 • You have a right to say NO • Practice saying NO clearly and directly without excessive apology or justification • Take responsibility for saying NO rather than blaming someone else • Offering an alternative can help – but only if you want to

34. Strategies for saying NO - 3 • Be clear that you are refusing the request, not rejecting the person • Saying NO and not feeling guilty gets easier with practice • You have the right to say NO

35. The Broken Record • Useful in conflict situations such as refusing an unreasonable request • When asking questions for clarification • Correcting someone • When you feel you are being taken advantage of • Expressing feeling or opinion

36. Skills you need to get your point across • Listen • Ask the right questions • Be assertive • Organised • Use plain language • Non-verbal signs • Choose the right method