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Biblical Teaching to Couples. The Basis for Marriage.

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The Basis for Marriage

Gen. 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth.”

1:27 God created humankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them,male and female he created them.1:28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply

Gen. 2:5 Now no shrub of the field had yet grown on the earth, and no plant of the field had yet sprouted, for the Lord God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to cultivate the ground. 2:6 Springs would well up from the earth and water the whole surface of the ground. 2:7 The Lord God formed the man from the soil of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

God created mankind with a job to do.


The Basis for Marriage

Gen. 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.” 2:19 The Lord God formed out of the ground every living animal of the field and every bird of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them… 2:20 So the man named all the animals… but for Adam no companion who corresponded to him was found. 2:21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was asleep, he took part of the man’s side and closed up the place with flesh. 2:22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 2:23 Then the man said,

“This one at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

this one will be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

2:24 That is whya man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family. [NET Bible]

1 Cor. 11:3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. … 11:7 … he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is the glory of the man. 11:8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man. 11:9 Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for man.

Mankind is a structured work-team


Old Testament Teaching to the Man

Ex. 21:10 If he takes another wife, he must not diminish the first one’s food, her clothing, or her marital rights. 21:11 If he does not provide her with these three things, then she will go out free, without paying money.


The principle here is that the man, as leader of the family has the responsibility to provide for the family.


Old Testament Teaching to the Man (Cont’d)

Deut. 22:13 Suppose a man marries a woman, has sexual relations with her, and then rejects her, 22:14 accusing her of impropriety and defaming her reputation by saying, “I married this woman but when I had sexual relations with her I discovered she was not a virgin!” 22:15 Then the father and mother of the young woman must produce the evidence of virginity for the elders of the city at the gate. 22:16 The young woman’s father must say to the elders, “I gave my daughter to this man and he has rejected her. 22:17 Moreover, he has raised accusations of impropriety by saying, ‘I discovered your daughter was not a virgin,’ but this is the evidence of my daughter’s virginity!” The cloth must then be spread out before the city’s elders. 22:18 The elders of that city must then seize the man and punish him. 22:19 They will fine him one hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman’s father, for the man who made the accusation ruined the reputation of an Israelite virgin. She will then become his wife and he may never divorce her as long as he lives.

Responsibility not to tarnish her reputation


Old Testament Teaching to Women

Deut. 22:22 If a man is caught having sexual relations with a married woman both the man who had relations with the woman and the woman herself must die; in this way you will purge evil from Israel.


The principle arises from the fact that God created the woman to be the subordinate partner. She should not have two heads.


Old Testament Teaching to Both

Ex. 21:26 “If a man strikes the eye of his male servant or his female servant so that he destroys it, he will let the servant go free as compensation for the eye. 21:27 If he knocks out the tooth of his male servant or his female servant, he will let the servant go free as compensation for the tooth.

The principle is: you cannot physically abuse someone with whom you have a covenant.

No physical abuse


New Testament Teaching to Couples

Eph. 5:22 Wives, SUBMITto your husbands as to the Lord, 5:23 because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. 5:24 But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

5:25 Husbands, LOVEyour wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 5:26 to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, 5:27 so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. 5:28 In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 5:29 For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, 5:30 for we are members of his body. 5:31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will becomeone flesh. 5:32 This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 5:33 Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, wives, SUBJECT to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live, 3:2 when they see your pure and reverent conduct. 3:3 Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – 3:4 but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. 3:5 For in the same way the holy women who hoped in God long ago adorned themselves by being subject to their husbands, 3:6 like Sarah who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You become her children when you do what is good and have no fear in doing so.

3:7 Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with considerationas the weaker partners and show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life. In this way nothing will hinder your prayers.

Leadership and support reaffirmed



Agape is respect given because it is due.














Spheres of Authority


agape is respect given

because of the

status of its object





But does God love respect man for his status?


Because God in His sovereigntycreated man in His own image and likeness.

That’s why God sent His Son to die for man, that he might be restored to fulfill that task



The Centrality of Love

Rom. 13:8Owe no one anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. 1Tim. 1:5But the aim of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.


The Ethics of Love

Paul1 Cor. 13:13

Concept of Love


Love of God Deut. 6:4

JesusMatt. 22:37-39

LoveNeighborLev. 19:18

Objects of Love

1 John 4:21And the commandment we have from him is this: that the one who loves God should love his fellow Christian too.


The Comprehensivenessof Love

Concept of Love


Love of God Deut. 6:4

JesusMatt. 22:37-39

Objects of Love

LoveNeighborLev. 19:18


The Holy Writings

Rules of Love

Call to Love


2 Tim. 3:15 … from infancy you have known the holy writings, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 3:16 Every scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 3:17 that the person dedicated to God may be capable and equipped for every good work.


The Meaning of Love

JesusMatt. 22:37-39

Conceptof Love


Matt. 22:40“All the law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”

Love of God Deut. 6:4

Objectsof Love

LoveNeighborLev. 19:18

Meaning of LoveGeneral

Ten Commandments (statutes)

“All the Law”

Meaningof LoveDetail

Rest of the Laws of the Old Testament Law (Ordinances/Regulations)


Matt. 5:18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth pass away not the smallest letter or stroke of a letter will pass from the law until everything takes place. 5:19 So anyone who breaks one of the least of these commands and teaches others to do so will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever obeys them and teaches others to do so will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Law in the “Sermon on the Mount” from Matthew’s Gospel

Ps. 119:105 Your wordis alamp to walk by,

and a light to illumine my path.


5:14 “You are the light of the world.”
























Paul’s Ode to Love: 1 Cor. 13:1-13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but I do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I give over my body in order to boast, but do not have love, I receive no benefit.

Love is patient,

love is kind,

it is not envious.

Love does not brag,

it is not puffed up.

It is not rude,

it is not self-serving,

it is not easily angered or resentful.

It is not glad about injustice,

but rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never ends.

But if there are prophecies, they will be set aside; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be set aside.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when what is perfect comes, the partial will be set aside.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways.

For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Because it is obedienceoriented, rather than being reciprocal, and follows Christ’s example.



Phileo is affection given because it is returned or is hoped to be returned


phileo is reciprocal affection

ranging from aquaintance to passion


“love ya”

“in love”



The highest kind of love is phileo, based upon agape




Lust wants fulfillment from its object, and objectified the person so desired.


The Apostles’ Teaching to Couples

1 Cor. 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man should have relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband. 7:3 A husband should give to his wife her sexual rights, and likewise a wife to her husband.7:4 It is not the wife who has the rights to her own body, but the husband. In the same way, it is not the husband who has the rights to his own body, but the wife.7:5 Do not deprive each other, except by mutual agreement for a specified time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then resume your relationship, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Cor. 11:2 I praise you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions just as I passed them on to you. 11:3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. … he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is the glory of the man. 11:8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man. 11:9 Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for man. … woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 11:12 For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman. But all things come from God.

1 Cor. 14:34 the women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak. Rather, let them be in submission, as in fact the law says. 14:35 If they want to find out about something, they should ask their husbands at home, because it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in church.

Reciprocity in a monogamous society

There is a hierarchy of teamwork


New Testament Teaching to Couples (Con’t)

Gen. 2

Ex. 21:10-11

1 Tim. 2:9 Likewise the women are to dress in suitable apparel, with modesty and self-control. Their adornment must not be with braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive clothing, 2:10 but with good deeds, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God. 2:11 A woman must learn quietly with all submissiveness. 2:12 But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man. She must remain quiet. 2:13 For Adam was formed first and then Eve. 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman, because she was fully deceived, fell into transgression. 2:15 But she will be delivered through childbearing, if she continues in faith and love and holiness with self-control.

1 Tim. 5:8 But if someone does not provide for his own, especially his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.



The couple has a task to do and to facilitate that God has established a hierarchy of function (rather than of person). Man is to be the leader and woman the helper. As a good leader the man is to provide the basics for his wife, not abuse her passively or actively, protect (and not wound) her reputation. The woman is to be exclusive to her husband.