RAISING CHRISTIAN KIDS. Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind . We are here because of this. Because we love God. Joshua 24:15
Jesus replied: LovetheLordyourGodwithallyourheart and withallyour soul and withallyour mind.
We are here because of this. Because we love God.
15But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
“You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God”Deut. 4:2
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God. —James 1:5
17 … the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. James 3:13-17
Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
1] God first.
He created us …He knitted us together….
2] We are what ourparents’ genes made us. The human genome determines our many characteristics. No two persons are identical, …. I dare say even in identical twins…. Especially identical twins grown up.
3] The genius of God – who made provision through epigenetics. Our environment, what we eat, our experiences
So although we will canvass and discuss many approaches to child rearing, wealways come back to these 3; that each approachacknowledges the primacy of God in our journey.
So we are unique because of God-given epigenetics and
Antecedent–what happened before (your parents, your schooling, friends, significant others, adolescence, your experiences, what you read)
Behaviour - what’s happening now
Consequence - how it affects your children/family
Decision, Development - What will you do for the better of all (requires willpower, not easy to change…for anyone, hardest of all perhaps for yourself)
The ABC’s of psychology
1. ROTE learning is the strongest, easiest way to learn
Mirroring, parroting, copying, mimicry
2. Do what I say but don’t do what I do
– rarely works
I … but you don’t…
Don’t you yell
3. The reward that never fades is the love/attention of a parent
Who am I? What shapes my ability to relate to my children, to others?
When do we feel confident as parents? What makes us confident?
Ask your children, “Who are we? What are our family’s strengths? What helps us to be strong?”
LET YOUR KIDS HAVE A SAY … AND LISTEN ATTENTIVELY TO YOUR CHILDREN
Be ready for it to backfire
You have to have strong foundations
“I love you, it is the behaviour I don’t like, I love you”
What causes barriers:
cognitive/thinking styles, strengths and weakness
1 Timothy 1:16
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
“I love you, it is the behaviour I don’t like, I love you”
2 Selecting Activities Wisely
3. Listening Attentively to God
Keeping a prayer book
Sensing God in the everyday – comment on it
2. Selecting Activities Wisely
Do my time commitments deepen me, or drain and distract me?
What are the significant activities to which we’ve committed our children or ourselves?
Do these activities -
Or do they –
When have we felt deeply loved by Christ in a discouraging time? How did we respond?
Someone’s watching and listening.
3. In Spite of Parenting Differences
How can we decrease the stress of parenting together?
2. How could we each implement in our own way the parenting principles on which we agree?
3. Build insight
Effect of our Core Beliefs
They are most easily identified when we experience strong emotions in my parenting
Identify False Core Beliefs replace with True Beliefs
A True Belief
Romans 8:1, 37-39 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ….
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
You-tube, movie, or TV show – they are a source of strong role models/beliefs.
Before they become your child’s main role models, Take action
In early childhood, didactic teaching is the way to go.
Engage: Talk about what the characters might have been thinking, feeling, and believing that caused his or her response.
(Also helps teach discernment and values to your children.)
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE: Love No Matter What
The Essence of Connection
How can I know if my love is truly unconditional?
Consider the affection expressed toward the prodigal son - What is a typical difficult struggle for each of my children that could be a great opportunity to express unconditional love to that child
The 5 Love Languages…
Hand on the hip. Work stress. Tired out. You have the flu.
Your face and body language says – I am not interested in you, go away, you upset me.
Take the words: “I’m off to work.”
Thinking back to the last few times my children entered the room I was in, what were the first messages communicated to them by my facial expressions, my body language, and my tone of voice?
Connection through WORDS
How can I be sure my child receives my words of love?
What is the balance between your affirmative and negative communication?
Who in the world would put the plates in the drawer?
The plates go on the shelf.
How can I strengthen the joy we share?
Children are an extension of us till about 10-15 years;
then they are individuals who have their own interests, dress code, language…
We are parents… and then we are friends. But we can easily become strangers.
Ask each of your children, “What makes you feel the most loved?”
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them
diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when
you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deut 6:4-7, cf. Deut 4:9-10, 11:18-19)
Do not be fearful but with … present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and Your minds in Christ Jesus.Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Col 3:21)
Teenagers have many uncertainties and life is like the ocean on a windy day – there are huge swells and ebbs. We don’t always have answers for them. That can come across as despondency and desperation; hopelessness. But the great thing is that we can always come up with a verse from the bible, and everything is allright, because it is in God’s hands.
“He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Eph.3:20) – there is no assurance of how the problem or issues will be fixed but it will be in a way that is immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. …. Which is why we don’t have the answer right now.
Praising God and giving thanks to Him frequently – do it in a way that shows your genuine thankfulness; just like if you were indebtedly grateful to someone who has just provided you with something valuable; that you needed; far above your expectations
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Prov 22:6)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4)
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. (2 Tim 3:14-15)
What can I do to help besides “just try harder”?
Analogies and hypothetical stories
Laugh at yourself – silly playfulness
Bible verses – say them, send them, post-it them, mean them
Prayer – pray frequently, pray together
Luke 3:22, “You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” In Christ we have been given the Father’s love and pleasure.
• ―Nice work! Even though you started to get upset again, you didn‘t do any name calling!‖
• ―I noticed you stopped interrupting when your sister asked you to. Good on you.
• ― Thumbs up. Wink.
Not only is conflict inevitable, it provides a powerful opportunity to teach reconciliation and forgiveness in relationships.
• ―When we reconcile with each other, it also helps us understand God better. God loves reconciliation or ‗reconnection;‘ that‘s why he sent Jesus, to reconnect us to God when we sin.‖
• ―When you forgive each other, you act like Jesus‖
We forgive because He first forgave us. 100:100
1. Acknowledgement that we are not wise by our own making that our wisdom comes from God. We are on a journey together, many here are well experienced.
2. Ask God to move among us tonight so that we may learn from each other the wisdom that comes from God.
3. We haven't got a degree in theology so if anyone can find a verse from the bible for some of the things we talk about, please pipe up.