Conflict Resolution: Overcoming Offenses and Seeking Reconciliation

1. Flight! Fight! CONFLICT! Resolution

2. From last week… • Get the plank out of my own eye. • Overlook minor offenses and choose to love instead. • Count the cost to continue a conflict instead of simply settling it. • Identify apparent versus real issues.

3. From last week… 5.Be willing to sacrifice “my rights”. 6. Getting the plank out of my own eye involves being transparent and ruthless before God about my own sin. 7. Getting the plank out of my own eye involves being freed from sin by repenting, confessing, and allowing God to change me. 8. Why get the plank out of my own eye? To glorifyGod!

4. Peacemaker Part 3 Once I have surrendered to the purpose of glorifying God in all I do and have dealt with my own sin, then I am ready to take the next step: Go To My Brother to Reconcile

5. Peacemaker Part 3 • If I have offended someone or am aware of a conflict or issue with them I need to _____ to them and be _____________. If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.(Matthew 5:23-24) go reconciled

6. Peacemaker Part 3 • If I have offended someone or am aware of a conflict or issue with them I need to _____ to them and be _____________. If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.(Matthew 5:23-24) go reconciled

7. Peacemaker Part 3 • If I have offended someone or am aware of a conflict or issue with them I need to _____ to them and be _____________. If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.(Matthew 5:23-24) go reconciled

8. Peacemaker Part 3 2.Sometimes that involves ________________ the other person’s ______. If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.(Matthew 18:15) confronting sin

9. Peacemaker Part 3 2.Sometimes that involves ________________ the other person’s ______. If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.(Matthew 18:15) confronting sin

10. Peacemaker Part 3 3. Before I go, I need to make sure I have completely ____________ the other person. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. forgiven

11. Peacemaker Part 3 3. Before I go, I need to make sure I have completely ____________ the other person. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. forgiven

12. Peacemaker Part 3 3. Before I go, I need to make sure I have completely ____________ the other person. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. forgiven

13. Peacemaker Part 3 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.    “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

14. Peacemaker Part 3 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.    “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

15. Peacemaker Part 3 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.    “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

16. Peacemaker Part 3 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.    “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

17. Peacemaker Part 3 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.    “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

18. Peacemaker Part 3 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.    “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

19. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’  “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

20. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’  “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

21. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’  “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

22. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’  “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

23. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

24. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’  “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

25. Peacemaker Part 3 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’  “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

26. Peacemaker Part 3 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

27. Peacemaker Part 3 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

28. Peacemaker Part 3 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

29. Peacemaker Part 3 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

30. Peacemaker Part 3 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

31. Flight! Fight! CONFLICT! Resolution Forgiveness

32. 1. Reconciliation is not possible without forgiveness. Why do we find forgiveness so hard?

33. Resolution Forgiveness Forgiveness begins as a __________, must continue as a ____________, and then finally becomes a _________. choice process state

34. 2. Think about forgiveness being first of all a choice (decision), secondly a process that requires patience and diligence, and thirdly a state without resentment or hurt. What part of that is most difficult?

35. Peacemaker Part 3 gently 4. I should go _________, with the goal of _______________. Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.(Galatians 6:1) restoration

36. Peacemaker Part 3 truth love 5.I must speak the ________ in _______ with the goal of restoring, _________________, and ___________________ the other person. …speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.(Ephesians 4:15)

37. Peacemaker Part 3 truth love 5.I must speak the ________ in _______ with the goal of restoring, _________________, and ___________________ the other person. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.(Ephesians 4:29) encouraging strengthening

38. 3. Reconciliation involves speaking the truth in love, sometimes confrontationally, while restoring the relationship, encouraging and strengthening the other person. How do we balance all that?

39. Peacemaker Part 3 6. The proper approach to resolving conflict involves both ___________ and _____________. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.(James 1:19) talking listening

40. Peacemaker Part 3 6. The proper approach to resolving conflict involves both ___________ and _____________. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.(James 1:19) talking listening

41. 4. Are you as good at listening to others as you are at talking? Be honest! What does real listening entail?

42. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “What do you think?If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish. restore

43. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “What do you think?If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish. restore

44. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “What do you think?If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish. restore

45. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “What do you think?If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish. restore

46. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’(Matthew 18:12-16) restore

47. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’(Matthew 18:12-16) restore

48. Peacemaker Part 3 people 7. Involve other __________ as necessary to ___________ the relationship. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’(Matthew 18:12-16) restore

49. Flight! Fight! CONFLICT! Resolution

50. Take it home! I can resolve conflict… …in a way that glorifies God… …if I go to others for the purpose of reconciliation!