Habit 4: Think Win-Win A revision

3. Habit 4: Think Win-WinA revision • Think Win-Lose: The Totem Pole • Think Lose-Win: The doormat • Think Lose-Lose: The downward spiral • Think Win-Win All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

4. A Win-Win Story: Give her the ball Mavis and Pam are good friends Both of them are good basketball shooters; but Mavis did a bit better

5. A Win-Win Story: Give her the ball However, Mavis found Pam occasional kept the ball and did not pass the ball to her even she was open. They did bad in the competitions.

6. A Win-Win Story: Give her the ball Mavis told her father after lost a game: I will not give the ball to Pam anymore; I have to beat her in the game. Mavis’ father said: Give her the ball.

7. A Win-Win Story: Give her the ball • Mavis followed the inner voice and passed the ball to Pam. In the next game, every time when Mavis held up the ball, an inner voice shouted to her: ‘Give her the ball’.

8. A Win-Win Story: Give her the ball • They won the game • They earned back their friendship. Imagine the outcome: In the second half, Pam tried to pass the ball to Mavis again. Both of them got more points than before.

9. How to think Win-Win • Win the Private Victory first • Avoid the Tumor Twins: Competition and Comparing

10. Win the Private Victory • Are you feeling insecure? • Is it hard for you to be happy for other people’s successes? • Is it difficult for you to share praise and recognition? • Are you easy to get jealous?  Win the private victory first

11. Win the Private Victory • Start with yourself • Make deposits into the PBA • Take responsibility for your life • Get a plan in place • Build confidence and security • Then deposits into the RBA

12. Story of Paul and Mary Paul: Mary, who was the guy you were talking to just now? Mary: He’s just a good friend I grew up with. Paul: I don’t want you hanging out with that guy. Mary: Paul, he’s just a friend I’ve known for a long time. We went to elementary school together.

13. Story of Paul and Mary Paul: I don’t care how long you’ve known him. You shouldn’t be so friendly to him. Mary: It’s no big deal. He’s having some problems and just needs a friend. Paul: Are you committed to me or not? Mary: OK, Paul. If that’s what you want, I won’t talk to him anymore.

14. What do you think? What do you think about the relationship between Paul and Mary?

15. Avoid the Tumor Twins: Competing • Competition can be extremely healthy • It drives us to improve, to reach and stretch • BUT, if competition is used as a means of creating a self-image relative to others, the worst in a person comes out. • It is a win-at-any-cost attitude

16. Avoid the Tumor Twins: Competing

17. Avoid the Tumor Twins: Comparing Comparing is competition’s twin. It is cancerous. We are all different. We are on different development timetables: socially, mentally, physically. You are not the richest, the wisest, the smartest, then so what?

18. The growth of a bamboo tree

19. Avoid the Tumor Twins: Comparing Comparing yourself can become an addiction as strong as drugs or alcohol Don’t compare yourself to others; but comparing yourself against your own potential

20. Think Win-Win; Act Win-Win Susan and Amy are sisters Both of them hate washing dishes but enjoy walking the dogs

21. How to Think Win-Win and Act Win-Win Susan washed the dishes and Amy dried the dishes They walked the dogs together

22. Reflection Think of a person who you feel is a model of Win-Win. What is it about this person you admire?