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All Saints Church Foster Care Project. Volunteer Leadership Training. Session II. Supported in full with funds received from the Pasadena Tournament of Roses ® Foundation . Leadership. The Foster Care System. ASC Foster Care Project: Session II. ASC-FCP Training Part II: Objectives .

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All Saints ChurchFoster Care Project

Volunteer Leadership Training

Session II

Supported in full with funds received from the Pasadena Tournament of Roses® Foundation.

the foster care system


The Foster Care System

ASC Foster Care Project: Session II

asc fcp training part ii objectives

ASC-FCP Training Part II: Objectives

  • Support and continue learning from Session 1
  • Deepen listening skills of leaders (and mentors) in their work with FCP agencies and children to increase accuracy and build trust
  • Develop the leadership skill of partnership coaching to be used in working with volunteers
check in

What thoughts or insights have you had since Session #1?

What questions arose?

skilled listening as a leadership skill

Benefits of skilled listening

  • Accuracy of information exchange increases
  • Defensiveness (on part of speaker) decreases
  • Credibility of listener is enhanced
  • Communicates value and fairness
Skilled Listening As A Leadership Skill

Listening Exercise 1

this is your mind when listening

The average person talks at _______ words per minute.

  • The average person processes _______ words per minute.
  • The average person can give undivided attention to a talker for how many seconds/minutes/hours?
  • When hearing a problem the average person wants to respond by______.
  • If you are speaking and I am listening, I can tell you are getting ready to interrupt when you ______.
This Is Your Mind When Listening
basic listening review

Listen with a genuine sense of curiosity

  • Attend to the whole message—the tone, the energy, thefacial and body language
  • Keep your body calm, especially hands and feet
  • Use eye contact effectively
Basic Listening Review
consider mirroring to build trust

Direct mirroring

  • Reverse mirroring
  • Testing for trust levels
Consider Mirroring To Build Trust
send a strong message you are listening

Stop talking; shift mind to listening mode

  • Shift body to listening mode: Breathe from the diaphragm
    • Relax facial muscles, especially around the eyes
  • Pause before talking
    • On average, a person waits _____ seconds before talking
    • Some work styles need 4-5 seconds to talk
    • Credibility as listener rises with pause
  • Resist interrupting, defending or solving-- or tangent responses
Send A Strong Message You Are Listening
responding to a speaker

As speakers, we often do not give a complete or clear message when we talk; we start in the middle of an idea or we assume understanding.

  • As listeners we may need to elicit more information.
  • For whose benefit are we doing this?
    • The speaker – to help her clarify, or explore new, thoughts
    • Ours – to get a more complete picture
Responding To A Speaker
responding to a speaker1

Encourage them to continue talking

    • -- nod, “hmmm”
    • -- a short paraphrase of what they said
  • Encourage them to continue thinking
    • Ask a clarifying question: Did, Are, Is,
    • Ask a probing question: How, Why, What, Which
Responding To A Speaker
practices that detract from your deeper understanding of intent

Asking multiple questions (cluster questions)

  • Using multiple-choice questions, especially with a slant
  • Asking a question and then continuing to talk
  • Leading questions that signal what you want to hear
    • Ex. Don’t you think…..? Did you ever think about…?
    • Wouldn’t you agree….?
Practices That Detract From Your Deeper Understanding Of Intent:
increase your listening effectiveness

Be aware of the Left Hand Column dialogue

  • Avoid arguing in your head
  • Coach yourself to stay in the moment
  • Listen for what is not being said
  • Stay open to where the message is going
  • Make a note to self if needed
Increase Your Listening Effectiveness
listening exercise 2

In pairs

A talks about a current concern she has in any part of her life that would benefit from further thinking.

Blistens, using her best practices in listening.


Acontinues talking as long as she believes she is being heard.

Bencourages A’s talking.

B may ask questions when appropriate.

B may not give advice, even when the exercise is over.

Listening Exercise 2
listening exercise debrief


  • When did I feel most heard?
  • What did the listener do that supported my talking?
  • What did the listener do that did not support my talking?


  • What did I learn about myself as a listener?
  • Reverse roles and repeat the exercise.
Listening Exercise Debrief
partnership coaching
Partnership Coaching

This work is based on the article “Partnership Coaching” by Diane Cory and Rebecca Bradley, The Systems Thinker, vol. 9, number 4, May 1998. See link to this article on page 19 Resources.

partnership coaching1

Based on the assumption that the coachee already has the knowledge within himself to make a decision.

  • Focuses on supporting the other’s success in reaching decisions and solving problems in a way they can believe in and own.
  • Does not require a caped-hero or saving presence.
Partnership Coaching
assumptions at the base of coaching

We learn best through our own discoveries and exploration.

  • We learn best in a safe and supported environment, where our learning differences are honored.
  • We work best when we know the other person is on our side.
  • The person who does the work does the learning.
Assumptions At The Base Of Coaching

We work best when we can reduce the internal critical dialogue in our head and stay focused on the details of the current situation and on what is observable.

A coach and a good process can help us do that.


Feedback is given after the coachee has had time to reflect on what is working and what is not and what she is considering doing.

  • It is done to support and increase self-awareness and focus.
  • It is given with permission from the coachee.
four step coaching using partnership coaching process

Set Goal

Assess Current Reality


Decide Next Steps

Four Step Coaching—Using Partnership Coaching Process
questions to use in coaching that keep the focus on the coachee

What do you think about it?

What would be an example of that?

Help me understand who (or what…)….

How would I know that if I were in the room?

What does that look like? (ex. anger, mean, awesome)

What do you think happened?

What would make that work for you?

What about that doesn’t work for you?

Questions To Use In Coaching That Keep The Focus On The Coachee
flash coaching

Set Goal What do you want (to happen, change, talk about)?

What will that bring you?

Assess What is happening now?

Current What is getting in the way?


Brainstorm What might you do?

Options What else might you do?

Decide NextWhat WILL you do?


Flash Coaching
questions to support flash coaching

What would you like to talk about?

What is happening now? What have you observed?

What have you tried?

What do you want to target long-term?

What would start that journey?

How would you know things are getting better?

What are some options?

What is the most powerful next step?

What will it take for you to make that step?

What can I do as a coach/mentor to help you?

Questions To Support Flash Coaching
self coaching questions to use during a coaching session

What is happening right now?

Where is my coachee’s focus?

How much interference is she experiencing? Where is it coming from?

What happened with her body language (when I said that)?

What cues does she give me to sit quietly and let her think?

What judgments appeared in my thinking?

What worked and what didn’t work for us in this session?

Self Coaching Questions To Use During A Coaching Session
flash coaching exercise

In the same pairs used for the Listening Exercise 2

A starts as coach

B acts as coachee

Follow the Flash Coaching template (on card)

Time: _______

Debrief in group.

Reverse Roles

Flash Coaching Exercise
partnership coaching summary

Where and when could we use Partnership Coaching?

With what parts of the process am I most comfortable?

Least comfortable?

How can I strengthen my skills in this?

How will I know I am improving?

Partnership Coaching Summary
session assessment

What worked well for me and supported my learning?

What could be changed or paid attention to that would better support my learning?

What actions of my colleagues here do I want to “appreciate” ?

Session Assessment